You've been saving up for months for a nice, romantic vacation for you and your girlfriend
and when you ask her where she'd like to go, she tells you about this great quiet little
monastery in the Romanian hills.
Thinking that a bit of history will go well with a nice break from the hustle and bustle
of modern life, you immediately catch a flight, eager to spend a blissful week relaxing in
the rustic Romanian countryside.
Yet when you arrive at your destination you can't shake a malevolent feeling permeating
the walls of the centuries old former monastery.
Later that night as you get up to go use the bathroom you catch sight of a strange figure-
you swear you just spotted a nun walk across the hall.
Shrugging it off you reach the bathroom and close the door behind you.
Then as you peer into the mirror you're horrified to see the lights dim and a seven foot tall
figure loom over you from behind, dressed in the garb of a Catholic nun.
As its long, bony fingers drape across your shoulders, you realize that you should've
just gone to Hawaii like everybody else does, because now you're in a one on one deathmatch
versus one of the most powerful demons in history.
Hello and welcome to another episode of The Infographic Show's You Versus series, today
we're pitting you, the average joe, up against Valak, the evil nun from hell.
Let's go to Romania, your girlfriend said.
It'll be rustic, full of history, and super romantic she said.
We won't be Taken or Hostel’ed and tortured by rich eastern European millionaires for
fun, she promised.
And you believed her, good job.
As you rush back to your room, terrified of the demon at your heels, you're ready to both
tell her off and try and get her to safety when you see her floating three feet over
your bed, her eyes rolled up in the back of your head.
Fantastic, now she's possessed and a thrall in the service of Valak.
Well, at least that takes care of the breaking up part.
But now its time to focus on survival, and just what exactly you're up against.
Valak also known as the Great President of Hell, is a greater demon who holds over thirty
legions of lesser demons under his command.
He was summoned to earth centuries ago by a crazed duke who attempted to summon and
control a demonic force from deep within the catacombs that the monastery you're staying
at was built over.
Oh, sorry, did the travel agency not mention that your romantic, historical monastery was
built over a dark pit that summons demons from hell?
I'm sure it was just an oversight.
But with Valak's powers to possess multiple people at once, odds are that the travel agents
were under his control the whole time.
That's why you really gotta read the Yelp reviews.
While the duke successfully summoned Valak forth from hell, he would go on to be killed
by an elite anti-demon task force from the Vatican.
The Vatican priests sealed the demonic rift using a sprinkling of the blood of Christ,
one of the Vatican's most powerful and sacred relics.
Hundreds of years later though during World War II, the monastery was bombed and the rift
was broken open, allowing Valak to enter our world once more.
Occupied by a devout order of nuns, Valak assumed the form of a nun in order to mock
their faith and because nun's uniforms are absolutely terrifying.
Over the years Valak haunted the monastery as the devout nuns attempted to pray away
the evil spirit, though to no avail.
By 1952 he had killed several of the nuns, leaving only two survivors.
Personally, we would have left long before the first demonic murder, but maybe the nuns
just didn't have a working car.
After a feature-length film amount of time, Valak is once again resealed with more blood
of Christ, though is later released by a devout satanist.
Valak, President of hell- hashtag not our hell president- is now coming for your soul,
just how are you going to defeat this terrifying force of evil?
As usual to fight your enemy you must know your enemy, particularly its strengths and
weaknesses.
Valak is a demon, yet unlike a normal demon is extraordinarily resistant to the spiritual
and holy objects that normally spell doom for a trespassing devil.
It's not that holy objects won't work, the blood of Christ is after all specially effective,
it's just that Valak is very resistant to their effects, and until the breech between
our world and hell is sealed, it's doubtful that Valak can ever truly be vanquished.
As a demon of manipulation, Valak is keen to prey on people's fears, something that
with its terrifying seven foot tall body and creepy nun garments is admittedly not very
hard to do.
It's aim is as many demons', that is to spread fear in its wake in order to weaken the mental
resolve of its victims, so that it can best influence them.
That's because like most demons, Valak prefers to have people hurt themselves or others rather
than to do it itself, as the act of sinning by committing suicide or murder is seen as
perverting God's plans for us, and that's pretty much all any demon lives for.
In order to break down his victim's mental defenses, Valak is fond of creating terrifying
illusions of the environment or even itself, showing people the gruesome deaths of their
loved ones, or even projecting sounds and images directly into people's minds.
Notably, Valak is also powerful enough to block psychic powers such as clairvoyance,
making Valak quite the formidable foe indeed.
As far as weaknesses go though, as we mentioned Valak is vulnerable to all the typical demon-killing
tools in The Infographics arsenal.
This includes holy water- though as a reminder, only if its blessed by true faith- holy relics
such as items that once belonged to Christ or other famous saints, true faith, and of
course, love.
That's right, a demon can't operate in a location where true love exists, as God is love and
demons, being the antithesis of what God is, cannot exist alongside love.
If Valak takes solid form though, it- as any other demon- becomes vulnerable to the same
laws of physics that govern our daily lives, which is why demons typically don't take on
their real forms in our world, preferring to project themselves spiritually.
So just how in the world are you going to take on and defeat one of the most powerful
demons in existence?
First, you're going to ignore the fact that your girlfriend is hovering three feet above
the bed- sorry, but it's too late for her.
She's already been possessed by Valak, and the best thing to do is to just shove her
levitating body out the window and let her float away.
The last thing you need right now is having to watch your back against a murderous, demon-possessed
girlfriend while you're trying to fight Valak at the same time.
Also, as a master manipulator you don't want to give Valak the opportunity to use your
girlfriend to manipulate you emotionally.
It's time to show Valak that you've got an iron will and can't be made into a puppet-
shove her right out that window and send Valak’s carefully laid plans straight to hell.
Plus, it's kind of her fault for suggesting this trip in the first place, you wanted to
go to Hawaii.
Now it's time to turn the tables on Valak.
He's been using fear against you this whole time, and even tried to create despair inside
you by possessing your girlfriend.
If Valak wants an emotional one on one deathmatch, you're going to give him one.
Valak may have all the dark powers of hell and legions of demons at his disposal, but
you have... a puppy.
That's right, you have a puppy.
A big, goofy, adorable golden retriever puppy with giant, oversized paws that don't match
his tiny body.
We know what you're thinking- seriously, Infographics?
I'm fighting for my very soul against a president of hell and you're giving me a puppy?
But hear us out.
Ask yourself one thing- have you ever felt scared around a puppy?
Have you ever felt anything but warm, gushing feelings of adorableness when your having
your face licked by a happy, fluffy pupster?
Of course you haven't.
Remember how we told you that Valak's demonic goals are to terrify you, break your will,
and then either possess you or get you to kill yourself or others?
Well, he's going to have a hell of a time- pun intended- making you scared of anything
when you're getting covered in big, giant sloppy kisses from Mr. Floofkins- that's his
name by the way, and how couldn't it be?
Look how fluffy and adorable he is!
But wait, because we're not done.
In your arsenal against the forces of hell we're also going to arm you with... a baby
sloth.
Look at its dopey, weird little face!
They hug you by instinct when you pick them up, because that's what they do with their
mothers!
And check out that face, it always look like it's got a cute, lazy smile.
Now that's super-kawaii!
Overflowing with adorableness and cuteness, Valak is going to run screaming for the hills
from you, literally unable to bear being around you and all your disgusting positivity for
even one second.
And that's perfect, because the next thing you're going to do is take some C-4 and destroy
the demonic rift in the basement, just like should have been done the first time.
With the rift linking Valak to our world gone, he's going to be dragged back to hell where
he'll stay forever- or at least until someone's dumb enough to try and summon him back to
earth.
So maybe, five minutes tops?
Now you should probably go outside and check on your girlfriend, you did shove her out
a second story window.
But hey, if she didn't make it at least you got an adorable, fluffy, kissy face puppy
and a happy little hug-giving baby sloth instead.
Seems like a fair trade.