One partner wants to have sex more often than the other one. One of them initiates more and ends up
feeling rejected, resentful and frustrated. The other one feels inadequate or tired of
their partner's sexual needs. Mismatched libidos problem can be an absolute bitch unless you know
how to deal with it. My name is Helena Nista and I make videos that help you have the best sex of
your life. And today, we're tackling the monster of different levels of libido and sexual desire
in a relationship. Couples with mismatched libidos is a very common issue and something
that gets addressed in my sex therapy sessions on a regular basis. Because in all fairness,
it's very difficult to find and fall in love with someone who has the exact same level of sex drive
as yourself. And so people with different kind of desire for sexual contact get together
and this can result in a conflict or friction. But differing libidos is not something to fear but
rather something to embrace. There's nothing wrong with having a different level of desire than your
partner does. But what makes a huge difference is how you approach these differences and how
you deal with them. So here are my top tips and techniques to deal with mismatched libidos
in a relationship. First of all, don't try to compare your own sex drive to the level that
you think is right or to your neighbours going at it on the other side of your bedroom wall.
Or even to your partner's sex drive. There's no such thing as normal or standard level of sexual
desire. We're all different and we're meant to experience life and our relationships differently.
And libido is one of those aspects of yourself that make you a unique individual. The beauty of
human nature, of relationships and of our sex drive is that it ebbs and flows and changes.
It's a very natural thing and there's nothing wrong with you if your libido fluctuates.
Many people can relate to the situation where they recall both times when their libido was lower and
higher than what it is right now. Plus, there are many factors to do with your lifestyle, health and
diet that will affect your libido. Things like stress, health problems, medication, fatigue,
emotional issues between you and your partner are particularly known as libido inhibitors. I do need
to bring to this discussion the point of quality over quantity. More sex does not necessarily mean
higher level of sexual satisfaction. According to studies, it's not people that have sex most often
that rate their sex lives as most fulfilling. But actually it's those that rate the quality of their
sexual experiences higher. And what a high quality sexual experience means to everyone will vary. But
the easiest way to improve the quality of your own sex life is to invest in your sexual education,
do my online courses and regularly talk to your partner about your sex life together.
Plus, in many cases better quality leads to better quantity. A lot of people tell me that scheduling
sex isn't sexy or spontaneous and that they don't want to do it. To them I say: remember the days
when you were still dating each other? Each time you were planning a date, you were effectively
scheduling sex. There was planning, looking forward to it, preparing and the joy and agony
of anticipation. Was it unsexy? Really?? Hell no! It was sexy as hell and extremely exciting.
So if your mismatched libidos are getting in the way of a healthy and fulfilling sex life,
start scheduling sex together. For majority of couples doing this one thing improves the level of
intimacy, closeness, connection and satisfaction in their bedroom. Incompatible sexual desire often
causes tension in relationships. The partner who desires sex more typically ends up feeling
unwanted and hurt. While the partner with lower sex drive can experience overwhelm or sense of
inadequacy when faced with their partner's sexual desire. And partners who struggle
most are those who don't talk about it. When we become lost in our own discomfort of suffering,
it's hard for us to notice that the person in front of us is hurting as well. So let your
partner know your needs and desires, and make sure to also hear them: what is it exactly that
they're feeling and needing? From that point of mutual sharing and compassion you can create a
sex life (and sex schedule) that works for both of you. Many couples that struggle with low
sexual satisfaction define sex in a very limited way. For many, sex equals intercourse. And when
their partner isn't up for penetrative sex, then they simply don't connect at all. Which then can
result in frustration and conflict. But sex is a lot of different things and many of these things
can be deeply intimate and satisfying even if penetration is off the table for whatever reason.
So expand the definition of sex in your relationship and include in it affection,
sensual massage, oral sex, manual stimulation, rubbing your naked bodies against each other,
etc. Because for most people this kind of things are very welcome and easy to perform together,
even if penetration is not. And lastly, I want to address the question of who wants sex more: men
or women. Because despite the popular belief that men are always the horny ones, things are not that
simple. For every woman that struggles with her husband's libido, there is a man who is finding
himself unable to meet his wife's sexual desire. So be careful when applying this kind of labels!
I hope that you've enjoyed this video and that it provided some helpful information
and ideas. If you did, please make sure to hit the 'Like' button and also leave me a comment below. I
love reading your comments and I always respond to them personally. Make sure to also check out
my free online course Tantra For Beginners and my popular book "Legendary lover". You'll find
the links to both in the description below. Thank you so much for watching till the end!
Have a fantastic day, amazing sex with your honey and I'll see you next week on this
channel and if you're following my vlogging channel then I'll see you there even sooner!