Back to my favorite topic today. "How to
stay positive and especially how do you
do that in a negative world?" I get it all
the time.
How do I stay positive when things are
so negative, when there's so many hard
things going on? Okay, let's start with the
4 things to notice. 4 truths to become
aware of. Number 1, principles determine
all of life's outcomes. Principles, some
things feel like magic or luck. Like you
look around, you know, and you see all
those people out there, who seem to have
it all together and they've got
everything that you want.
Lucky. Luck, really? No. This is not luck.
This is principle. I get this here. People
come up to me, "Dr. Paul, you're so lucky
to have a job that you love", for example.
Really? Luck? I created this.
It didn't just poof out of nowhere. So,
there are principles that determine all
of life's outcomes. When I talk about
principles, I'm referring to things like
gravity even. Natural laws that are
always on and that determine all of
life's outcomes. Sometimes we run up
against a challenge.
I keep puzzles in my office. In fact, this
one is one of my favorites. This is a
bottle that has inside of it, a little
wooden ball. Now, that the challenge is
you want to get that wooden ball out of
the bottle. Problem is, there's a stick in
the neck of the bottle that's bolted
inside of the bottle. Cool, huh?
This is called bottled frustration. Now,
you look at this and it seems impossible.
There's no way. How that what? Is it
impossible? No.
I've assembled it and disassembled it
many, many, many times. And I've taught
clients how to do it. Is it possible? Yes.
Is it luck? Is it magic?
No. It's a principle.
You understand the principle, you can
change the outcome. That's true with
bottled frustration. I'm submitting here
that it's true of almost every aspect of
our life. The second truth that I want to
call to your attention. Everything has an
upside and a downside. There are pros and
cons. There's pleasure and pain. There's
opposition in everything. Wait, wait, wait.
Everything? Yeah.
I know that's a bold statement but when
you think about it in very simple
physical terms, up does not exist. Except
in relation to down. There is no inside
unless there's also an outside. Opposites
define each other. Does anything exist
without an opposite? Well, I don't think
we would even recognize it or know what
it was, If so. It would just cease to be
significant for a lot of reasons. Now,
without getting into all the physical or
even metaphysical reasons why that may
be true, just accept this truth. That
everything has an upside and a downside.
Now, we get into some principles of
psychology. The third truth that I would
invite you to notice is that we
constantly judge. We do. Oh, yeah. You can't
turn it off. We judge all the time. You're
judging yourself, aren't you? You're
judging your job, you're judging your
family, you're judging your circumstances,
you're judging your finances, you're
judging me. That's cool, I'm judging you
too. However we can't turn it off. So,
notice that that is true. You are
constantly judging. Now, may I add some
perspective here. Because judgment or
evaluation implies comparison. Comparison
with some standard. Am I a tall man? Well,
that depends on who or what you compare
me to. I got to travel recently with Mark
Eaton, he's seven foot
four. When I'm traveling with Mark, nobody
notices me. They're all observing him and
I don't look so tall next to him. I'm six
foot two. Well, who or what are you going to
compare to. So, they just notice that
your evaluation of everything in your
life is compared to something. So, getting
back to our topic
briefly. How do you stay positive in a
negative world? Well, negative world is a
judgement, right? It could always be
better, it could always be worse.
That was our truth number two. And
principles determine all of life's
outcome. So, stick with me one more truth
that I want to have you notice and that
is that we are constantly creating. You
can't turn this off any more than you
can turn off evaluation or gravity or
any other natural law. You are by your
very nature a creator. Or you will create
something and if you haven't noticed yet,
you've got the ability to create a mess.
The fact that you can create a mess is
actually really good news. It means you
can create. Not only can you create, you
constantly create. You can't turn it off.
And if you can make a mess, what else
might you be able to create? Ah, see
that's where some of our hope might lie.
So, notice those 4 truths. Number 1,
principles determine all of life's
outcomes. Number 2, there's always an
upside and a downside to everything.
There's opposition in everything. Number
3, you are constantly evaluating your
life or judging. Number 4, you are
constantly creating. Now, noticing those
truths, let's get into 4 strategies
that we could use to stay positive in a
negative world. Practice these skills.
Number 1, say, "This is good." Now, that's
going to be seem counterintuitive
especially if this is something painful
or difficult or challenging or
frustrating. I know. Stick with me for
just a minute.
"This is good." Invite your brain to start
processing this thing differently.
Because the next thing that's going to
happen is the questions going to
come up. "Wait, how is this good?" Okay, it's a
pretty good question. But make sure it's
a question not a statement disguised as
a question. How is this good? And then
find the ways that it is. You didn't get
the promotional. This is good because I
get to learn something from where I am. I
just broke my leg, "Oh, this is good
Because I get to meet some people that I
wouldn't have met otherwise." I mean you
can always find something, okay? That will
make even a painful difficult to
horrifying situation. Good or what's good
about it. Maybe that's an easier way to
approach it. But skill number 1,
practice saying "This is good." Skill
number 2, focus on gratitude. We've done
other videos about gratitude and the
power of it. Gratitude has the ability to
change your mind from that negative
downward slope into a positive uplifting
affirming kind of a thing. Now, remember
in the truth. There's opposition in all
things.
There's upsides and downsides to
everything. It could always be worse, it
could always be better.
Gratitude is often found when we focus
on what's good about it. How is this
going well? How is this rich and joyful
and abundant for me? Just a quick example.
Fell on my couch not too long ago. Going
on and on and on about his job and how
hard and difficult and painful and awful
it was. And I stopped him to bring him
back into perspective by saying, "What? You
have a job?" And he rolled his eyes a
little bit. Like, "Dr. Paul."
Yeah. Notice that you have a job. Your
foot hurts, "Oh, cool." Notice that you have
a foot, right? Whatever you need to do to
get to a place of gratitude, is that
second skill. Practice gratitude.
Skill number 3. Reframe discontent.
Here's what I mean, we experienced
discontent or pain or whatever it is
that we are defining as our discontent.
On a regular basis. It's going to happen.
What if we were to reframe it. Instead of
using that to judge our life as being
bad, we use our discontent as a trigger
or an impetus or a catalyst for creation.
Everything that's created starts with
discontent. At some level, there's some
sense of, "Oh, this is painful. Well, I want
to make it so that it's not as painful.
Or I don't like that. Well, I want to do
something about that." See it's a trigger
point or a starting point for creation.
When we reframe our discontent in that
way, then no longer is it evidence that
our life is bad. It's simply an
opportunity now to go engage in a
project, a creation project. And that
leads us right into skill number 4.
Using our discontent to get us on the
path, we then work to create the upgrade.
Work to create an upgrade. It can always
be better. Your discontent will get you
off dead center, get you off the couch.
Get you out of the bed so that you can
go out there and consistently work
toward creating an upgrade in your life.
And notice that these 4 steps do not
depend on the weather. Now, the topic is
how to stay positive in a negative world,
right? Notice first that that's a
judgment. You're judging the world is
negative. But secondly, honestly, what's
going on out there in the world is
simply the context. It's the weather
report.
It's like saying, "Yeah, I'm going to be happy
today." But it's raining doesn't matter.
That's just the weather report. Your
happiness doesn't depend on the weather
report. And neither
your life depend on the circumstances
that surround you as much as the power
that you can draw from your own mind as
you practice these positive skills and
strategies. Because you're here, you know
more about positive psychology than most
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