some of the reason why we aren't
collectively so good at friendship is
that we don't have a clear idea of what
a really good friend might be like
it may therefore be worth trying to draw
up a list of an ideal candidate so as to
focus our desires and spur us on to
acquire the sort of character we would
want to find in others
firstly the ideal friend knows how to
show weakness
the ideal friend doesn't try to prove
how robust and successful they are on
the contrary quite often they let us
know awkward and potentially
embarrassing things about themselves
they show how much they trust us by
confessing failings and Sorrows which
would open them up to possible
humiliation from the world Beyond they
offer us the gift of their vulnerability
secondly they're genuinely interested in
our sorrows and difficulties and yet
they're not shocked or even surprised by
the weird and stupid things we've done
they're not judgmental they don't come
down harshly and critically on our
weaknesses because they know themselves
well enough to be alert to their own
order and more troubled sides and they
do us the graceful favor of assuming
that behind the seams we are as
radically imperfect as they are
thirdly the proper friend is reassuring
they don't just flatter they understand
how easily we lose Perspective Panic and
underestimate our own ability to cope
they know we've got zones of fragility
that need to be treated very gently
sometimes they get us to laugh at
ourselves when on our own we'd be
inclined to self-pity or rage
fourthly a True Friend helps build a
self-understanding there are so many
things we don't entirely comprehend
about who we are we get agitated or
defensive and we don't really know why
we find it tricky to pin down our goals
we might have some strong opinions but
it can be difficult to explain really
why these ideas matter to us the right
friend listens and helps us piece
together the best account of our fears
and excite
fifthly they help us think more often
than it's comfortable to admit we don't
quite know what we think until a proper
friend gently asks us to expand on a
thought to explain why we're impressed
by it and to find good answers to
possible objections
they see the potential in what we're
saying when we can't sickly they help us
to like ourselves the good friend likes
us in ways we're not easily able to like
ourselves normally we're intently alive
to our own shortcomings it's more
obvious from our point of view what's
disappointing or frustrating about us
than what's endearing or attractive we
need a friend because we're liable to be
so very unfriendly towards ourselves
we tend to think that a true friend must
be someone we spend a lot of time with
but actually the ideal other becomes
part of us we internalize who they are
how they speak the way they smile the
way they pause or get enthusiastic they
continue to inhabit our brain even when
we haven't been in touch for a while or
when they're far away the good friend is
always with us
the confessions game is a simple game of
cards and dice designed to facilitate
more honest conversations by asking
daring questions click on the link now
to find out more