>>> TODAY IS ST. PATRICK'S DAY, THAT WAS A GREAT TRANSITION.
WHICH MEANS MILLIONS OF TOURISTS HAVE COME TO THE BIG APPLE FOR
THE PARADE AND MAY NEED SOME TIPS ON WHAT TO CHECK OUT.
HERE WITH SOME IDEAS IS OUR "WEEKEND UPDATE" CITY
CORRESPONDENT STEFON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US, STEFON. >> CONNER, PERCY.
IT'S NICE TO BE HERE. >> THANK YOU, STEFON.
SO THE PARADE IS OVER, I BET A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR A
HANGOUT. ARE THERE ANY RECOMMENDATIONS
FOR THEM? >> YES.
IF YOU'RE DRUNK IN MIDTOWN EAST DOING CHEAP COKE OFF YOUR
LAUNDRY CART, I HAVE JUST THE PLACE FOR YOU.
NEW YORK'S HOTTEST CLUB IS GADDUSH.
INSPIRED BY TRUE EVENTS. THIS FORMER CVS WHICH BECAME A
CHASE BANK AND THEN BECAME A CVS AGAIN, FINALLY ANSWERED THE
QUESTION ABOUT THE TROUBLING FEEL.
LIKE WHEN LARRY KING WOULD PLAY HIMSELF IN A MOVIE.
THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING. DEATH SETS, KEY FOBS, KALE
CHIPS. ROMAN J. ISRAEL ESQUIRE.
PLUS YOU CAN PLAY EVERYONE'S FAVORITE PARTY GAME, THE
STRANGER. >> WHAT'S THE STRANGER?
>> DO YOU KNOW THAT BILLY JOEL SONG "THE STRANGER?"
>> YEAH. >> WELL, IT'S WHEN YOU SIT ON
BILLY JOEL'S HAND UNTIL IT'S NUMB AND THEN YOU RUB YOURSELF
WITH IT. >> WAIT.
WAIT, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE NUMB?
>> SO YOU CAN PRETEND THAT IT'S BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S HAND.
>> OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT, STEFON, LET'S GET
BACK ON TRACK. I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE IN TOWN
FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE
DIFFERENT. >> YEAH, SOMETHING MORE IRISH
THEMED. >> YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.
>> MOONLIGHT, LA LA LAND. [ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU'RE IRISH OR JUST WHITE AND VIOLENT, I HAVE THE SAINT
PATTY'S PLACE FOR YOU. NEW YORK'S HOTTEST IRISH CLUB IS
OFF TO CHURCH, MOTHER. LOCATED IN THE CLOGGED HEART OF
THE BRONX AT THE CORNER OF 3,000 STREET AND GARY MARSHALL
MEMORIAL DRIVE. THIS GANG RIDDEN SKATEBOARD PARK
WAS THE CEREMONY SPOT FOR VERN TROYER'S 2004 WEDDING.
THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING. PEEPS, TED TALKS, ROMAN J.
ISRAEL ESQUIRE. AND BE SURE HIT TO FLOOR AND
DANCE A JIG WITH IRELAND'S HOTTEST FARRAKHANS.
>> WAIT, LOUIS FARRAKHAN IS AT THIS CLUB?
>> NO, FARRAH KHANS. HELP RAH KAHNS THAT LOOK LIKE
FARAH FAWCETT. BUT ALSO YES, LOUIS FARRAKHAN
WILL BE THERE. >> OKAY.
STEFON, STEFON. >> PLEASE, PLEASE, CALL ME BY
YOUR NAME. >> OKAY, COLIN.
TELL US THAT ONE PLACE THAT ORDINARY TOURISTS MIGHT ENJOY,
PLEASE. >> YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.
IF YOU'RE ORDINARY, AND YOU LOVE SEIZURE INDUCING MALAYSIAN
MUSIC, I HAVE JUST THE PLACE FOR YOU.
NEW YORK'S HOTTEST CLUB IS STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS,
PLEASE. BUILT IN THE UPSIDE DOWN WORLD,
THIS HAUNTED HOSPICE WAS CLOSED WHEN INSPECTORS FOUND A SEXY
FORM OF ASBESTOS THAT COULD CAUSE DISEASE.
>> NOW WHAT DISEASE DO YOU GET FROM SEXY ASBESTOS.
>> ME SO HORNYOMA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING. YOUNG POPES, OLD POPES,
ROMAN J. ISRAEL ESQUIRE. AVOID THE DANCE FLOOR ON
WEDNESDAYS, WHEN A DOZEN HOT DACHSHUNDS AND CORGI'S GET IN
FREE. THEY CALL IT LONG AND LOW NIGHT.
I DON'T TRUST ANY DOG WHOSE STOMACH TOUCHES THE GROUND.
PLUS, YOU CAN PARTY IN THE VIP ROOM, WITH A GROUP OF HUMAN
SQUATTY POTTIES. >> WHAT IS A HUMAN SQUATTY
POTTY? >> IT'S THAT THING THAT -- YOU
KNOW WHAT, IT'S A NEW ERA, AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY A WORD THAT
MAY BE INSENSITIVE. MAY I CONSULT MY LAWYER QUICKLY?
>> SURE. >> GREAT HE'S AN ATTORNEY AND A
CONCEPT TULLE ARTIST NAMED SHY. SHY?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HI.
HI, SHY. >> HELLO, GENTLEMAN, HOW ARE
YOU? >> SHY, FOR PEOPLE -- DO PEOPLE
STILL USE THIS WORD? THANK YOU, SHY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HUMAN SQUATTY POTTIES, IT'S
THAT THING OF WHEN YOU SIT ON THE TOILET AND TO HAVE GOOD
POSTURE, TWO LITTLE PEOPLE CROUCH ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR AND
YOU PUT YOUR FEET ON THEIR HEADS.
>> OKAY, ALL RIGHT. >> I'M REALLY GLAD YOU MADE SURE
TO MAKE THAT SOUND MORE SENSITIVE.
>> ON THAT NOTE, LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT POLITICAL
CORRECTNESS. >> WAIT?
ISN'T "A CLOSER LOOK" SETH'S THING THAT HE DOES?
>> OH, SETH AND I ARE VERSATILE. SOME NIGHTS I DO IT AND HE'S
UNDER THE DESK. >> STEFON EVERYONE.
>> JILL STEIN, 2020. >> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M
MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGH