- The most common roadblock
that prevents us from moving forward in love
is the fear of repeating past pain.
So if you've been betrayed in the past, or hurt in the past,
or rejected in the past,
there are three things that you can do to heal the past
and help you move forward.
And that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today.
Keep watching.
(gentle upbeat music)
Hey, there, I'm Mat Boggs,
and I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships Division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love,
and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, click the subscribe button,
and click that little bell,
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
And so today we're talking about how to move forward
when an ex has betrayed you or cheated on you
and really opening yourself up, back up to love.
That can often be one of the most painful experiences
we endure is being cheated on or betrayed.
In fact, this reminds me of a client of mine named Stacy,
who, Stacy had been betrayed, she'd been cheated on,
not just once, but several times in her life,
and her whole paradigm was, "Why open myself back up?
"Every time I had been cheated on, I was blindsided.
"I didn't see it coming."
And so, Stacy was able to go through three steps,
particularly where she opened herself back up to love.
And I'm gonna share with you those three steps right now.
Step number one is you've got to forgive the past,
and this can often be the hardest thing to do.
You've gotta forgive this other person,
and more importantly, forgive yourself.
So often we will berate ourselves,
feel guilty or condemn ourselves because we feel like
we should've known better, we should have seen it coming.,
we should have shown up differently.
It's real easy to bring your current level of awareness
to a past situation and feel guilt around it.
But that won't move you forward.
That won't set you free.
You've got to forgive the past.
And if you want support with that,
because it can be challenging to really let something go,
I've created a whole course around this called Break Free,
that helps you break free from limiting blocks,
and break free from the past,
and has a whole section on forgiveness.
And in fact, Stacy went through this program
as part of what helped her move forward.
So if you're interested in that,
I'll put a link in the video
and in the comment section below.
Check that out 'cause it can really serve you.
But recognize that the version of you
that was in that past relationship,
that version of you did the best she knew how.
From her level of awareness,
she did the best that she could.
So give yourself that forgiveness
so that you can move forward.
And then once you forgive in the past,
then step number two is to review the past relationship
with your current level of awareness for what you can learn.
Because here's the deal,
for all of the coaching I've done over the past decade,
anytime a woman says, "Oh, I was blindsided by this event."
When I asked her, "I bet you saw red flags along the way.
"I bet there were things that happened
"and you didn't say something during those moments.
"If you reflect back, you knew something about this guy,
"when you said yes to him,
"that you ignored in order to move forward
"in the relationship, is that true?"
And every single time the woman will say, "Yeah."
"You know what?
"Upon reflection, there were red flags that I saw.
"There were things that I knew that I didn't say yes to."
So here's the most important piece,
is to do an assessment, look back at that relationship
from your current level awareness and say,
"What did I see and didn't say something?
"What did I see and didn't act on?
"What did I see and let slide,
"because I thought, oh, it will all work out?"
And all of those things give you an awareness
for how you can shift moving forward.
Because the fear that we have is the fear
that we're gonna repeat the same pain.
But when you can head it off by becoming aware of it,
then you give that fear no chance, because you know,
I'm gonna create something different moving forward.
There's a classic story of this,
of how they train elephants in Africa.
When the elephant's baby,
they tie a heavy chain around the elephant's leg
and a metal stake in the ground,
and the elephant will tug and pull
and try to escape this metal stake in the ground,
and it realizes it's not strong enough,
and it can't, and eventually gives up.
By the time the elephant is an adult,
all the trainers have to do
is wrap a rope around the elephant's leg
to a stick in the ground.
Now the elephant is way stronger than that rope
and that stick, it could easily pull it out,
but the moment the elephant feels that familiar tug,
the elephant succumbs to the strength of the stick
and the rope, and feels like it's trapped.
And that's what our fear tries to do to us.
It tries to tell us,
"Hey, if you get into this relationship,
"you're going yo be stuck like this past relationship.
"You're gonna feel pain like this past relationship.
"You're gonna be in the same circumstances
"you were before."
But little does your paradigm know, you've grown.
You're more aware. You're more resilient.
You're stronger than you've ever been now in your life
because you've gone through more than you ever have
up until now in your life.
And that new strength, and that new awareness
is preparing you for something great.
And this brings us to step number three,
which is make commitment to your vision moving forward.
A commitment to your vision moving forward.
And this means that you're committing to yourself
that when you see these red flags,
when you see these moments that you've identified,
that you're gonna rise up and speak up.
You're gonna say something.
You're gonna rock the boat if need be.
You're gonna not accept behavior
that's beneath what your standards are
for the relationship that you want.
And with that new found commitment to yourself,
a new way of being,
you will notice a new sense of certainty rise up in you.
A certainty that says you can move forward in a relationship
without enduring the same pain that you had in the past.
You're not allowing yourself to be blindsided
because you're gonna speak up
and you're gonna see things
that you chose to ignore previously.
And when you make that commitment to yourself,
everything changes moving forward.
So my question for you is,
what strategies have you found
give you the courage to move forward
when you've been hurt in the past?
Because that process is essential for you calling in love
and expanding the love in your life.
I believe the best is yet to come for you.
I believe you're calling in great love into your life now.
I appreciate you. Thanks for watching.
And I'll see you soon.
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