Which vacuum sucks the most?
Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good Mythical Morning!
Tomorrow is our season 13 finale.
We are taking a teeny-tiny three-week break,
and then we're going to be back with "Good Mythical Summer,"
starting Monday, May 28th,
where we'll be airing episodes
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Yes, but today we're sampling snacks from Japan
and finding out if the Titanic really sank
or if it's all a conspiracy cover-up.
Hm, but first, did you know that vacuums
weren't invented just to scare the crap out of cats?
Believe it or not,
some people actually use their vacuums to clean up.
But which vacuum cleaner can clean up the competition?
- Oh. - It's time for...
We're going to be testing the eight highest-rated vacuums on the market.
We are doing this tournament style,
and we have created some messy situations
to pound these vacuums head to head
and see which-- nozzle to nozzle.
But they really won't touch, probably.
That's sounding more violent
- than what's gonna actually happen. - I guess that's a good--
They're both gonna suck things that we've--
messes we've made.
And then at the end,
we will have crowned one vacuum king.
Let's say your grandparents recently passed away,
and your brother got their acreage in the will.
But they left you their ashes.
( together ) Yay!
Next thing you know,
your toddler mistakes the urn for a Hatchimal.
And then bam!
- Oh! Whoa! Grandpa! - Grandma and Grandpa!
- This is Grandma. - This is Grandpa.
Stop it, toddler! You have the ashes of a friggin' relative.
What are you doing?
Okay, so there's a pretty similar spillage.
All right, man, that's a bit morbid.
Let's set them back here.
Just so you know that is not human ashes.
Okay, so over here we have
the iRobot 890 from Roomba.
Now, this thing is very highly rated on "Forbes."
It is autonomous.
I have the Bissell 1984--
which was a great year--
AirRam Cordless for $199.
This thing can go totally cordless for 40 minutes.
I did not say, but mine's $500.
It is a robot.
It is a robot, though. You're right.
Our main test is going to be more about cleaning ability,
and then if they're tying on that,
then we'll start to factor other things in.
Okay, so the way this thing operates
is you just step on it...
( whirring )
Give it one-- one nice one-and-back.
Ooh, yeah.
Oh, he's hit the mound.
Grandma's pushing back.
You're bulldozing her to the edge.
- ( vacuum crackles ) - Oh, that was a femur.
Oh, it's kind of just spreading it now.
Oh, my gosh.
Kind of painting Grandma all over the carpet.
This is horrible.
Okay. All right, stop it.
Wow, sorry, Grandma.
- You basically just-- - Smeared her.
All right, let's see what happens with Grandpa and the Roomba.
- Okay, now. - Okay, he was always into high-tech stuff.
There is a feature on here that's more of a spot-cleaning feature.
So it'll say in one spot and just go in a circle.
So I'm gonna put it right here.
Put it right on the the-- ( laughing )
Oh, gosh.
This is a a bit extreme.
Yeah. But hey, this is a real vacuum test, man!
I'm hitting the spot targeted area.
Female voice ( beeps ): Error six.
Move Roomba to new location.
Oh, "Move Roomba to new location."
That's what she said.
The problem is it's not level.
Start it next to it because that's kinda what I did.
I came from-- I didn't come right on top of it.
- I pushed her to the edge. - Okay, here we go.
( beeps a melody )
That seems happy.
Ugh. Stand back. It's creating a fog of ash.
Oh, my gosh.
( beeps melody )
( laughter )
Okay, I guess the Roomba forfeits this round.
If you're in the market for an autonomous vacuum cleaner,
this was highly rated, but for our purposes,
- we're going with the Bissell. - Mm.
So it looks like Uncle Randall was enjoying his favorite snack-- nutmeg--
on the the white couch, like he's known to do.
He gets real excited when he's watching "Matlock."
He's like, "Oh, the case!"
"I don't know how this one's gonna end."
Goes everywhere.
And we've got two slightly different colors of burgundy
vacuum cleaners going head to head this round.
First up we've got the Bissell Zing Bagged Canister Vacuum.
This thing cost a whopping $50.
- Only $50. - $50.
And over here I've got the Miele Complete C3 Soft Carpet PowerLine.
This thing is $800.
Good gosh, that's a lot of nutmeg.
Yeah, I'm gonna test this one first.
Now, the interesting thing is that this thing has a couch setting.
It better for this price. But you turn it on...
- ( whirring ) - ...and then I 'm gonna go to the upholstery setting.
Okay, that brought it down a little bit.
The energy was kind of low, but--
Then I'm gonna just bring it across.
Yeah, really push that nutmeg into the upholstery. That's good.
Now, that was the upholstery setting.
So I think I can go even harder than that.
We'll just--you know, we'll ease into this.
You got up a lot,
but you also smushed a lot into the upholstery.
Now I'm gonna go with a light touch here.
This one doesn't have any settings.
( laughs ) On.
On or off.
Okay, here we go.
( laughs ) Okay.
What?
- Okay, okay. - Look at that.
- Yeah! Eat that, Miele. - All right, cut it back off.
Now, I feel bad about this.
Even though there is a couch setting,
I feel like I've gotta put it on the full blast setting.
- All right, do it. Do it. - Just see what happens.
There's no way that this is better than that $800 thing.
I mean...
I'm sorry to say it's--
You've smeared it into the couch.
It's got these things on it,
which may help in some environments,
but when Uncle Randall's been eating nutmeg,
it sure doesn't help.
It's definitely not worth paying $800
versus what you just accomplished with 50 bucks.
Wow, look at that!
Another Bissell moves on.
Now, in my experience, these wedge pillows
are not great for sleeping.
They are more suited for other activities.
Well, it looks like the cats agree.
Two saucers of merlot later, and look what they've done.
Yes, okay, in this round,
I will be operating
the Kenmore Elite Pet Friendly 31150 vacuum cleaner.
This thing is $199,
and it is actually the 2018 "Consumer Reports" number-one rated vacuum.
Although it looks like the 1968 number-one rated vacuum.
This is an old-school style,
but it is the top vacuum right now.
Mine is $180.
It is the Shark Navigator Lift-Away Professional,
and it has a special attachment
that is called the Shark Pet Hair Power Brush.
That's convenient 'cause that's pet hair.
So I'm going to give this thing a nice little pet-hair stroke.
- Once over. - Yep, and then,
you have the same attachment, right?
- A similar one, yeah. - Okay, fire it up!
( whirring )
Okay, it's spinning there.
Oh. Oh, oh, it's getting bogged down.
Oh, okay.
Okay, that's a good one, so we're okay.
Cut it. Cut it.
Okay, it did a pretty good job.
It definitely could do the job,
but you've got a little hair bunching here
and you had a little trouble...
Okay, let's see what this one can do.
Okay.
( whirring )
- ( chuckles ) - It sounds powerful.
Whoa.
- Now, you gotta hold it with your foot, like that. - Okay.
Keep it level.
Bring your hand down.
There you go.
Aw, yeah.
Kill it! Kill it.
Well, we've got absolutely no hair bunching
The little piece that I left there
was really my own fault for not keeping it level.
But it did not have any trouble with that at all.
Yeah, and we got a nice clean streak here
that the cats can go ahead and take advantage of once again.
All right, so this isn't horrible,
so good work, Shark, but--
But Kenmore is going to move on.
Hey, look at that. We agree with "Consumer Reports" for once.
Yes.
Sugar's hidden everywhere these days.
If you look closely at this powdered sugar donut,
you might be able to see some powdered sugar
on the outside of the donut.
And because sugar is so bad for you,
we probably should just be eating our donuts
after sucking the sugar right off of them.
Yeah, so that's what we're gonna do.
Okay, I over here have
the Dyson V7 Motorhead, $299.
This thing is light. It's cordless.
It's got 30 seconds-- 30 seconds! 30 minutes--
Got 30 seconds to do the job.
You better be quick, brother.
Uh, 30 minutes of battery-powered suction power.
Okay, and how much is it?
Uh, 299.
Okay, I have the Dirt Devil.
This is the cheapest one we're going to be testing today.
- It is $45. - Okay, all right.
- All right. I'll go first? - Sure.
I'm just gonna turn this thing on,
and I'm not gonna apply pressure.
I'm just gonna use the suction to take off the sugar
'cause I wanna eat these afterwards.
Right, you gotta get the sugar off.
- Firing it up. - ( whirring )
There we go. I've made contact.
It's working, a little.
Okay.
Well, you definitely left a mark on a number of them.
Yeah, it kinda started grinding them down,
but simultaneously not removing the powder.
Yeah, there's still quite a lot of powder on there.
Let's see what the Dyson can do.
( whirring )
Oh, gentle.
Oh, yeah, lay it down.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, yeah.
Okay. We've got the gentle cleaning power of a Dyson.
Yeah, and you know what?
It didn't cut into them at all.
I mean, this is still very edible.
Give it a taste.
Yeah, you first.
Oh.
I mean, there's still some sugar on there,
but I probably lowered the calorie content
by 20-30%.
Which is what vacuums are for. Remember that.
Hm. And plus I like the pink color.
Yeah, it looks cool. It sounds cool.
And that guy on the commercial
kind of makes you feel stupid for not buying one.
Yep, I ain't stupid.
All right, we're moving on with the Dyson.
Let's say you've got some new neighbors
who've just moved from a small Scandinavian town,
and they practice some strange traditions.
And let's say one of those traditions
is leaving sardines on your welcome mat
as a way to represent a bountiful harvest
and good fortune.
Or it just means they hate you.
Google Translate wasn't really clear.
Either way, we gotta clean it up.
Yep, and this is the Bissell-off.
- In front of Rhett we've got a AirRam. - AirRam.
And then I've got the Zing.
Okay, so I think we're just gonna roll over the sardines.
Let's go at the same time, forward and backwards in sync.
Okay, here we go.
Forwards.
Rhett: Oh, gosh.
Oh, gosh.
All right, mine did pretty good.
And then back.
Okay. Now, stop.
Ugh, it stinks!
Wow, again, look at the little guy, man.
- A forward and back. - Dang. Ka-zing!
I mean, you could go over that a couple more times and you're done.
This is doing the thing that it did with Grandma
and just smearing it right into the floor mat.
Yeah, 'cause mine doesn't have that stupid twirly thing underneath it.
Are you tell me that we're singing--
we're sending a $50 Bissell into the finals?
- We're singing the praises of the Zing. - Yes.
Don't you hate when you've got a beach day planned
and then it rains and you gotta make a sand castle inside?
And don't you hate it when you make sand castles
inside your house, and then you realize,
"I don't know which vacuum is best at cleaning this up."
- Yeah! - Well, let's figure that out.
Our other semifinal contenders
are the Kenmore Elite that we talked about before,
"Consumer Reports" favorite vacuum.
And the Dyson purple wand thing.
The D7.
- All right, so-- - "Purple wand thing."
I'm gonna go from the top and just shave it a little bit.
- Okay. - You know?
See if I can shave it down.
Shave this side so everybody can see.
Here we go.
( whirring )
Oh, wow.
Oh, that's nice.
It's kind of spreading it around.
Uh...
Well, that's sad.
( whirring stalling )
- Oh, I think you broke it. - Okay, okay.
No, I just filled it up.
The canister's reached its limit.
All right, I might need a little help with this one, Link,
because I wanna try to get it level--
I'm gonna come around here to this side, like you did.
Okay.
But I might need your help to--
We're going for-- we're gonna shave this one down?
- Yeah. - ( whirring )
This can also double as a most-satisfying-video-ever video.
Link: Yeah. Pull it back. Pull it back.
Pull it back.
It's heavy.
Let it go down. Yeah, let it get on there. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, now we're cookin'.
Yeah, all right.
This is so dumb.
The vacuum's getting a lot heavier. All right.
- Whoa, we-- - Look at my crotch.
...we filled her up.
Well, I really feel like this one went a lot further before it gave out,
and if you're cleaning up sand castles, that's what you want.
But the weight was hard to get on top,
but then we also used that to our advantage.
It was a two-man job.
Yeah, that's definitely a negative.
I mean, this thing-- it only stopped because it's full.
You could just take it out, dump it.
I'm effortlessly cleaning up everything.
- It's-- - And it's cordless.
And it's still purple.
All right, Dyson moves on to the finals.
This strawberry mascot
just got back from a birthday party
at Cotton Candy Randy's house.
And Cotton Candy Randy vomited peanuts and confetti on him
like he's prone to do when he gets excited.
And then he came to use because we had two vacuums.
Don't worry, strawberry.
We have two vacuum cleaners,
a Dyson and a $50 Bissell.
Why don't you start with the Dyson?
You want me to fire up this Dyson?
Check it out. It's purple.
- Cool. - Yeah, that's got a lot of mileage--
got a lot of mileage for Link.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
That's pretty good.
That feel good?
No.
I think you just put some peanuts down in his pants.
Wow, I mean, that's pretty amazing...
- That was nice, man. - ...how good of a job that did.
Let's see what the Bissell's got.
You tell I'm a strawberry now.
$250 cheaper.
Oh.
Nah, it's--
Ah, you know what?
It left-- it had some trouble with some peanuts.
- Yeah, right? - And it's leaving quite a bit.
If you get in there close,
you can see that the Dyson
- left so little. - Yeah, it did.
- ( Dyson starts ) - Oh! Oh, oh.
Hush, little child.
So, you know what?
It was a valiant--
it was a valiant stand by the Zing,
and I gotta say, for 50 bucks--
oh, sorry, I just broke it.
- ( laughter ) - No. For 50 bucks
this thing is pretty powerful and impressive.
But the purple rodded one takes the cake, man.
That's right, the Dyson V7
is the vacuum that sucks the most.
Take that however you will.
Congratulations, Dyson.
You've done it.
Next up, we're exploring unbelievable snacks
from Japan.
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of the land down under.
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