No.
BDSM- wait?
I don't know what the D stands for.
Domi-?
Do you not know just because your mom is sitting right next to you?
*Laughs* Bondage something sadomasochism.
There's a lot of leather, I feel like.
BDSM has quite a few terms.
For example the B and D can be bondage and discipline, the D and the S can stand for
dominance and submission, and then the S and the M stand for sadomasochism or sadism and
masochism.
So yes, as you may have guessed with all of this BDSM talk, I just finished the 50 Shades
of Grey trilogy, and so what qualifies as BDSM has been on my mind.
Because honestly, compared to one episode of Dan Savage's Stranger Podcast, the 50 books
were pretty tame.
I think people just want to assume that into vanilla sex, but if you're doing something
beyond just intercourse then that can fall into the BDSM umbrella.
Even the act of wearing a fetishized piece of clothing like- how many women have not
bought a pair of shoes exclusively for, for their partner?
I mean, Amy Winehouse even has a song about it "F*ck-Me Shoes."
A lot of the Black people that I know that read the book weren't impressed.
They were like "what's the big deal?"
So in some way they may have already been restrained during sexual activity and didn't
feel that it was grandiose, and a lot of my white counterparts felt differently.
How did they feel?
It was the most amazing thing they had ever read, I've never heard of anything like this-
I mean, that's just the exposure thing I guess cause- even if you didn't know what BDSM was
specifically, as a woman I've been restrained by a man before.
So whether your sex life already includes aspects of BDSM, or you want it to, one thing
that's important to remember is the difference between what Anastasia and Christian were
into, and abuse.
Do you think BDSM can ever cross the line into abuse?
It can.
BDSM practices can absolutely cross the line into abuse.
But there's a phrase that's commonly used called "safe, sane, and consensual:" you always
have to be safe, you should be sane, and there has to be mutual consent.
If there isn't, then that's a problem.
There's really extreme forms of play that people could never imagine being sexually
gratifying.
But they are as long as the couple is two consenting adults.
Obviously there has been a stunted conversation- these conversations have not been allowed
to foster around what is a healthy relationship?
What is a healthy sexuality?
What is etc. etc.?
What is healthy consent?
Right?
How do we move beyond "No Means No" to get into something deeper, to get into proactive
consent, to get into tons of different levels regardless of the content of the two people
getting together, because we're still having these same conversations.
Regardless of what you're into, consent seems to be the theme here.
But, once you've gone through that conversation: apron, nothing underneath, high heels, by
the sink "go make my dinner."
Anything's possible.