My guest today is Feli of the YouTube channel Feli from Germany.
She is a German person who has spent a lot of time in the US and she
talks about cultural differences, and so that's kind of a bit of
what we're gonna talk about today.
Hello, Feli.
How are you?
Hi, I'm good.
How are you?
Do you say Feli or Feli or how do you pronounce your
name?
Right in between there Feli.
Feli?
No Feli.
This was an E, but the, the um...
Feli.
Feli Okay.
Feli.
Mm-hmm.
Feli.
Okay.
Or Feli.
Feli.
All right.
No, it's not with an A at the end.
Okay.
Feli.
Feli Feli.
Sounds good.
All right.
So could you describe a bit what you talk the kinds of things
that you discuss on your channel?
And we will leave a link, by the way, in the description.
Awesome.
Uh, yeah, I just mainly talk about my experiences that I have as a German living
in the US in the Midwest specifically.
I live in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Um, and I kind of ended up here by accident, if you will.
I did an exchange semester during university.
I am from Munich.
That's also where I went to university, and that was like during the last
semester of my bachelor's degree.
And then I just really liked my time in Cincinnati and I kinda
got stuck here, if you will.
And obviously that was a little over six years ago.
Since then, I've encountered a lot of things that have made my life better or
more challenging living in the US as a German, you know, things that you would
never think about, like how suddenly getting groceries is a challenge 'cause
you don't know how certain things work 'casue like, You're just so used to
how things work in your home country and suddenly you're here and you
have to deal with all these everyday things and you're like, wait, how?
Like, I remember one of the first things that was really embarrassing to me
was that the, the whipped cream that comes out of the spray can, those spray
cans are differently for some reason.
And I was like with my roommates, I was 22 years old and I had to
ask them how to work this thing and they were like, wait, you've never
like used one of these spray cans?
I was like, yeah, have, but they're different in Germany.
I don't know how to, how to work this one.
And that's kind of like overall, what I talk on my channel is just these little
difficulties and things that I really, really enjoy about my life in the US,
and then I also sometimes try to teach my American audience about German culture,
German holidays, Octoberfest, um, things that people in the US ask me about a lot
whenever they find out that I'm German.
You know, it's interesting of course, whatever you find different in the US as
a German, uh, Americans are gonna find different in Germany when they're there.
So yes, it kind of goes both ways.
Yeah.
But, uh, yeah, and of course talking about the things that are interesting
or different or fun in Germany can be a motivator for people to learn German,
which, uh, you know, is a major language, major language in Europe, major language
in history, and so forth and so on.
But what are some of the things, so you arrive as a...
well, were you 22?
Did, did I hear you say you were 22 when you arrived in Cincinnati?
Yeah.
That's right.
I, so I wonder if you were to pick sort of, okay...
how, how about you pick three or five things that you found
agreeably different in the US and three or five things that you found
disagreeably different in the US?
I actually have to ask, what does that mean?
Agreeably different and disagreeably different?
Well, uh, this is different than at home.
This is better.
This is more fun.
This is more pleasant.
Or these are things that are different.
Gee, it was better at home.
Okay, gotcha.
Um, so I would say the things that I really liked about the US that I
still like better about the US is the mentality, but not all of the mentality.
Of course, there's certain things that I like more about German mentality,
but for me at the time, I really noticed how the more positive attitude
towards a lot of things really influenced me in a positive way.
Like I felt like from a personal development, it was great being in an
environment where when I told people that I had a plan to do something,
um, and you know, like a, an idea for, to start a YouTube channel,
for example, people would usually just go, oh my God, that's so cool.
Go for it.
I love that.
That's awesome.
Whereas in Germany, my environment was more typical German in that sense,
where it would usually be like, oh, why?
Are you sure about that?
Um, and I like to summarize that with, in my experience, Germans, if
you wanna summarize it, have more of this like, approach to life and
a lot of other decisions in, in, in life uh, where it's more like, why?
And Americans are always more like, why not?
Like, just try it and what do you have to lose?
And that was like the main thing that I really, really liked about being here.
Because I just felt a lot more encouraged to do things.
Um, honestly, that's the main thing.
Other than that I would probably have to say, and it's kind of kind
of embarrassing that I really started to like the convenience in the US and
that's not necessarily something I'm proud of, but it was kind of fun to just
be able to do anything you want at any time and you didn't really have to plan.
Like I just really like being spontaneous in this country.
You can go to the store at 1:00 AM if you wanna buy something great,
you don't have to plan ahead because stores are close on Sundays, et cetera.
So, and also, I found to be much more spontaneous when I wanted to do
something at night with friends, I could just hit up like 10 of my friends
and at least half of them would be free and we would just do something.
Whereas in Germany, you sometimes have to ask people like two weeks in advance.
Germans are not like as spontaneous in general.
Um, let me think.
Is there like...
I would say probably the third thing, 'cause those are like the main things.
I think my main points were always just people's mentality.
'casue when it comes to the system of the country, there are more things that
I criticize, I think about it than I actually prefer over the German system in
terms of, you know, healthcare, et cetera.
Just the, the typical topics.
But the third one would probably be how things are less complicated
in terms of bureaucracy in the US.
So for me, like buying a, I bought a house here for example,
that was super quick and easy.
I was kind of shocked by it.
Um, I started a business here.
All those things were just really easy for me and I felt like even
though I was new to the country and to the system, I could tackle them.
So those would be my three things that I like better.
In terms of things that I don't like as much, I actually made a video
about that at the very beginning.
One of the things was washing machines.
That's probably way too, uh, particular of a topic.
But, um, when I first came here, American washing machines really drove me crazy.
Um but I would say the general things, I like the German healthcare system better.
Um, you don't have to pay for an ambulance, you don't have to worry
if you go to the emergency room.
Um, you know, those kinds of things.
Doctors don't cost tens of thousands of dollars just for taking a look at you.
Um, I had surgery here actually one time, and I saw the hospital bill.
It was a risk surgery.
It took like four hours and the hospital bill said $50,000 just for the surgery.
Um, so that's definitely something I like better about Germany.
Same as the education system.
I like a lot about the American education system.
I love campus life and all the stuff that's included, but it's
just not accessible to people.
It's just so insanely expensive in so many students in the US graduate
college with a hundred thousand dollars debt, which is normal.
And if you go to a better college, you have way more than that.
So that's definitely something I like better in Germany.
And in some ways I also have to contradict myself to what I said earlier.
In some ways I like the German mentality better.
So for example, when it comes to directness, I sometimes really miss
in the US that I don't know exactly where I stand with a person 'cause
they're gonna be overly friendly.
Um, when it comes to business also, it's sometimes difficult.
You can't just be direct with them.
If someone does a bad job, I feel like I have to kind of tiptoe around it first.
Um, so sometimes I really miss the German directness.
Okay.
Well that's very, very...
That was a long answer, I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, very interesting.
Uh, so, and as someone, you know, I, I lived in Japan.
I lived in France for three years.
It went back to Canada, and Canada's quite similar to the US in many, many ways.
And it is true that it's easier to do things, uh, you know, just
getting a bank loan or, or anything.
It's just easier.
People are more inclined to just make it easy to do things, whereas in the
older countries, they're inclined to make it more complicated to do things.
Uh, Canada's a little more bureaucratic than the US and I think that's why
in the US there's such a dynamism.
You know, they're business dynamism.
They're either go for it, they do things and the regulations
don't stand in the way.
And, and people are very friendly.
I found people in Germany uh, insofar as you know, healthcare
Canada's kind of in between Germany.
Canada has a universal coverage system, but it's not as
good as the one in Germany.
Uh, fewer beds per capita, fewer, you know...
and a little more ideological sort of rigidity to not allow any kind
of private delivery of services or strictly limit private delivery.
So the system's kind of quite fragile, but I think I agree with you, the principle
of universal coverage is, is I, I can't see any argument for not having universal
coverage and uh, similarly with education.
It is, I agree with you, it's ridiculously expensive in the us.
Um, so, but those are things that can be altered.
On the other hand, there is a dynamism in the US which is undeniable,
more dynamic, uh, commercially business-wise than Canada, more
dynamic than Germany, although the Germans absolutely are more thorough.
So all of our appliances at home are at German appliances.
They're thorough, you know, and they're gonna make it.
Whereas, uh, north America, It's, it's kind of, you know, whatever.
This is good enough.
So out the door it goes.
I'm exaggerating, but it was quite interesting.
Your observations would be quite similar to mine.
Um, but by and large, one other thing, you know, so you're living in the US
um, when we go to another country, It's almost unreal because we're living in a
very different environment, even though culturally it's not such a big difference.
It's not like going to Japan, but when you're living in another
culture, it's every day is an adventure because it's a di...
so it's fun and, and there are, you can focus in on the things that you don't
like and be unhappy, or you can focus in on the things that you like and enjoy it.
So the time I lived in Japan, there were things that annoyed me in
Japan, but I didn't focus in on that.
I focused in on the things that I like and, and I think that's
important in learning languages.
Focus in on things that you like, 'cause if you like the language and you like
the people and you like the culture, you're gonna learn the language.
So you obviously...
a lot of people...
go ahead.
I was gonna say, a lot of people also like find their approach through music.
For example, they love German music., Rammsteinis a big one,
for example, for a lot of people, but also some were hip hop music.
German music.
Um, I know it was a great mo motivator for a lot of people to learn German.
Yeah.
But try to be positive because you can be selective.
You don't have to focus in, oh, someone, you know, I went to the store
and I tried to speak German and they came, they answered in English and
now I'm, I'm giving up on German.
'cause person A replied in English, don't focus in on that.
Go find someone who's gonna talk to you in German.
You know, it's important to be positive.
And you obviously, despite your observations, which might be
at times a little critical, overwhelmingly you are very positive
about your experience in the US.
And I think that's the way one has to be.
I'm very positive about my experience when I come to winter in Palm Springs.
We had a party last night with our neighbors, all Americans, actually.
There's one Canadian, and, and it's, it's, you can be
positive about wherever you are.
You can find people that you like, find things in the culture that you like.
And I, I think it's important to stay positive.
Yeah.
I agree.
Good.
Anything else we wanna say about cultural differences?
Did you ever feel that, uh, you were discouraged by some aspect of, of life
in the US that, uh, soured you a bit on your experience in the US or were
there just minor hiccups along the way?
I'd say they were just minor hiccups.
Uh, one of the probably biggest topics 'cause like when it's like
systematic issues like, you know, bureaucratic hurdles or getting a
visa is probably a very difficult part of actually living here.
The US does not make that easy, but those things didn't really
discourage me personally.
It was difficult.
I ended up winning the green card lottery, which was extremely lucky.
Um, but I think what discouraged me personally a little bit for a while
there was American dating,.Um, and that's like a whole, a whole topic I guess...
I haven't had any experience .That'll be a topic.
Yeah.
I just.
I think it's generational and cultural.
Um, but I just experienced, not even just for myself, but also my friends.
I lived with roommates for the longest time, mostly just girls.
And I would just note, I would just, uh, witness this on a daily basis
almost, where these American guys in their twenties were just, so
insanely scared of commitment and not just commitment in terms of getting
married, but even just committing to a date, committing to anything.
Um, they would regularly ghost girls, including me, um, right after...
I'm sorry, what do you call?
What do you mean ghost?
What does that mean?
I'm not familiar...
That's a, that's a modern dating term.
It basically means when a person just stops responding to you, like whether
you were, uh, in contact, oh, via phone calls or texting or something.
Um, it might even that you already agreed to a date.
And then on that same day, they just don't show up.
They don't ever reach out again, and they just completely disappear.
No explanation whatsoever.
And I've experienced that with, you know, friends to a very extreme degree where
they literally were so over the top.
At first it's called love bombing in the dating, uh, language.
Um, where they would, like my one friend for example, was scheduled to
meet this guy's parents and 'cause he was so all over her and then
he ghosted her before that weekend happened and just disappeared on her.
I think he even walked out on her in the middle of the night.
Um, and never messaged her again, and that kind of stuff was like, for a while
there I was like, wow, I really like it a lot about American mentality, but this
is just so disrespectful and it happened way too much that there was a point
where I was like, I don't, I think I'm never gonna date an American guy, um,
because this is not acceptable to me.
I ended up finding one good one.
So I'm now, actually, I live with my boyfriend, but um, yeah, there
was a time there where I really felt treated very badly by certain people.
Alls well, it ends well.
So, that's good.
That's good.
Okay.
You know that, that, uh, now you've tantalized my, uh, viewers with,
uh, you know, this whole story about the trouble difficulties
in dating and so forth and so on.
So, German guys are more, uh, reliable in that regard, or more committed, or
more, uh, honest in their dealings?
Yeah, in my experience, yes.
I mean, I should say I didn't like date a whole lot in either countries,
but I was always in long-term relationships in Germany and in my,
like in your twenties, in my bubble.
It's very normal and common to be in a long-term relationship.
In that, at that age in Germany.
And it doesn't necessarily mean that you're trapped.
Whereas I feel like a lot of American guys this age or girls too, um, have
the feeling that they're trapped and they don't wanna commit to anything
'cause they can't get out of it again, and if I personally, that's my theory,
I feel like this has to do with the American fear of confrontation.
A lot of Americans just do not like telling the other person that...
anything negative really, that they're not interested or that they did a bad job.
There's just such a big fear of confrontation that for a lot of
these people, I think this ghosting method is the easiest for them.
It's the most comfortable for them.
In Germany, I would argue that doesn't really exist.
So most of my friends in their twenties are in long-term relationships,
maybe even live with their partner.
It's...
germany is not as, you know, religious and conservative in that sense.
It doesn't, just because you move in with your partner doesn't mean
you're necessarily gonna marry them like you can still change your mind.
It's not a decision for your life, it's just if you like the person now,
then you can spend time together.
And I feel like relationships in that sense are a little bit more mature
in Germany, even from a young age.
Um, 'cause I, I moved in with my German boyfriend at the time, at the
age of 20 and so did a lot, lot of other friends of mine 'cause Munich is
also just really expensive for rent.
So it's a smart move to, uh, split rent.
But I've just never experienced that thing of like being so incredibly scared.
People just communicate with each other and they feel like, Hey,
there might not be a future here, or we want different things in life.
Then they just split up.
In a lot of cases, it can be very respectful and that's been my experience.
That's my bubble in Germany is more like that.
And what I've experienced here in Cincinnati, at least in the
like university bubble, uh, I've just experienced much more of
that disrespectful behavior.
Very, very interesting.
Uh, in fact, the whole discussion's been interesting.
I wanna thank you very much for, uh, sharing these thoughts with us, and
I'm sure my viewers are gonna have some interesting comments to make on this.
Oh yeah.
That was actually very personal, much more personal than I planned on getting.
Well, I'm sure, but it's inter...
I mean, that's life.
That's life.
So, anyway, but you're obviously enjoying yourself in Cincinnati.
You, I can hear the enthusiasm when you speak.
Uh, and that's great.
And I think the same opportunities exist for people who want to
go to Germany to learn German.
Have, uh, and then, but they must remember if they're a guy, they better be honest
with their German, uh, date over there.
Yep.
Anyway.
Okay.
Well thank you.
I'll leave a link to your, um, and we didn't speak any German, but that's fine.
Uh, that's okay.
People can find out
... I think we'll just cut it.
Thank you very much.
Okay.
I'll leave a link to your, uh, YouTube channel.
Thank you.
Uh, and all the best...
actually I should say if people do wanna hear us speak German, um, we also recorded
a video for my channel and we did speak a little bit of German in that part.
So maybe people can just go over to my channel and check check that out.
Exactly.
And we talked about entirely different things, and I think it's...
to continue on this subject, you might wanna go over there and check it out.
And I'll leave a link to that uh, well, you'll find it on her YouTube channel.
Okay.
Feli.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Bye.