Did you know that sex is one of the ways that narcissists use to psychologically abuse their
victims?
By the end of this video, you'll know what the stages are for sexual abuse when dealing
with a narcissist and what to do about it.
I am Rebecca Zung, Top 1% Attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-By-Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of people just like you go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos
to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
And I do this right here for you in these videos.
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So, sexual abuse when you're dealing with a narcissist comes in different stages.
In the beginning, you've got your love bombing stage, and that's when they will just want
to claim you.
They'll say that you belong to them.
That you're beautiful, that you're smart, that you're intelligent, that you're handsome,
that you're gorgeous, that you are completely everything that they've ever wanted in a partner.
And so, how can you resist?
How can you resist their charm in the beginning?
But that love bombing stage is actually a way of claiming you, claiming you as their
property.
And once they've brought you into their layer, then the devaluing starts.
And that's when you start seeing these little things about how you are in the bedroom is
wrong in some way, that maybe you're selfish.
Maybe that you're too promiscuous.
Maybe that you're wearing the wrong clothes.
Maybe that you were talking to the wrong people.
The control then starts setting in, because the love bomb was really just a way of gathering
you into their layer of control.
The next stage that you'll see is jealousy and rages.
And this is where they'll start demanding to know everything they need to know or they
think they need to know about your past partners, about the kinds of sexual encounters that
you may have had before.
What did you do with that person?
Who was it?
Who did you talk to?
When were you with them?
What did you wear?
All of these sorts of things.
The jealousy and the rages then start.
And if you tell them that they're being irrational or that they're crazy, then that's going to,
boom, inflame them, because that narcissistic injury will be triggered and the narcissistic
rage will come flying out.
So you can't say that because that's going be perceived to them as disrespectful or a
criticism, even if they are totally crazy, there's nothing to be jealous about, there's
nothing to worry about.
Part of this jealousy phase is also being jealous of anyone or anything that seems to
interfere with your attention toward them.
They want to have full attention.
So, even if it's your children, if you have children with somebody else, or your parents,
or your best friend, they want full attention and they will not accept it if they don't
get your full attention.
The next phase is coercion tactics.
And with coercion tactics, what you'll start to see is, demanding sex at certain times,
demanding sex after an argument so that you can prove their commitment back to them, demanding
sex after an incident when they think that you've been talking to somebody that you shouldn't
have, or that you were wearing something that you shouldn't have, then demanding sex to
have control back over you with that.
Sometimes they play the victim card, where if you want to prove to them that you love
them, prove to them that they're the only one, so that you feel that you have to have
sex with them in order to make them feel safe again, to validate them, to make them feel
secure.
The next stage is threatening infidelity.
If you don't give them what they want, if you don't have sex with them in the way they
want, if you don't do the things sexually with them that they want you to do, then they
might threaten, Hey, I'll just go get it somewhere else.
Hey, all these other people want me.
So, if you don't give it to me, I will find it somewhere else.
Another thing that you might see is the pushy stage, where they're trying to push you into
doing things that maybe you aren't comfortable with, maybe you don't want to do because they're
not comfortable.
Maybe it's something out of your zone that you don't want to do like, a threesome or
some S and M thing, or just even certain positions that you're not comfortable with.
Well, then that becomes a threat as well.
It's never enough, they're pushing you into doing things that you don't necessarily want
to do, and if you don't comply, then you are threatened with, that they're going to go
to somebody else.
They're going to lose you or something like that.
And another thing that you'll see with narcissists in sex is unsafe sex.
So, maybe they will push you into doing things that are not safe, such as having unprotected
sex, or having sex where you potentially could get caught, or maybe giving you a sexually
transmitted disease.
I've actually seen that as a divorce attorney, where a husband or a wife cheats on the spouse.
They go get a sexually transmitted disease, they know that they have it, they've been
diagnosed with it.
And then they end up going and having sex with their husband or wife then, and giving
them that sexually transmitted disease.
And in a lot of States, that's actually cause for a civil action, such as assault, or battery,
or intentional infliction of emotional distress.
Because, especially, if you end up with something like herpes, you're going to have that virus
for the rest of your life.
There's no cure for it.
There are medications for it, but there's no cure for it.
But that's the kind of thing that narcissists will do.
Another thing that you'll see with this, is that narcissists will maybe withhold sex or
withdraw from sex as a way of coercing or controlling their partner.
I've actually been at lunches where women will say, "I stopped having sex with my husband.
I told him that I'm not going to have sex with him until he does this thing that I want
him to do."
That's another way that they use sex as a weapon, as a method of control.
And if you're dealing with a malignant narcissist, you might see violence, you might see violent
sex, you might see sex that's completely unsafe.
You might see rape, degrading sex, or sadistic sex.
And if you think that this is so wrong, give me a so wrong in the comments.
And if you are dealing with any of the things that I mentioned in this video, please check
out my other videos to help you.
One is, Self-care To Cope When Dealing With Narcissists, and I'll put a link to that below.
And another one is, Escaping Hell: How To Leave A Narcissist For Good.
Parts one and two.
And I will definitely put links to those videos below as well.
And if you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, check out my free, Crush My
Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
I will drop a link to that below as well, but you can just grab it at winmynegotiation.com.
Also, it will definitely help you.
Do not walk into your negotiation without it.
And if you want additional support and you want to connect with other people who are
dealing with narcissists, please join my free private Facebook group.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators.
And I'll drop a link to that below, so that you can just click and jump on in there and
connect with many others who are dealing with exactly what you're dealing with.
And if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment.
Remember to subscribe and hit the notification bell.
This is part two of a three part series, and you're going to want to make sure that you're
subscribed so that when I upload part three you'll get notified right away.
I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% Attorney.
And I'm so glad that you stopped by.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.