JOSH HADDOW: Hi.
My name's Josh.
I'm about to take some acid.
And then I'm going to go to a open comedy mic night and tell
us some of my original jokes.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JAMIE TAETE: Hi.
I'm Jamie Taete, Vice journalist.
And I like watching people trip on acid.
I especially like watching people trip on acid in really
awkward situations.
Tonight, I'm going to be going with our friend, Josh, as he
performs open mic nights in London on acid.
Hi, Josh.
JOSH HADDOW: All right, Jamie.
JAMIE TAETE: When we were filming downstairs a minute
ago, you seemed a bit worried.
What was going on?
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah.
You were definitely out of the room for, like, an uncalled
for amount of time.
JAMIE TAETE: I think it was probably about four minutes.
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah.
Four long, long minutes.
JAMIE TAETE: And how are you feeling right now?
Talk us through it.
JOSH HADDOW: I think a bit fucked, really.
JAMIE TAETE: What are you seeing?
Are you getting sort of any kind of visuals?
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah, I can see.
JAMIE TAETE: That's good.
JOSH HADDOW: And then, do you know what?
My mind's gone about three triples inside of itself now.
[LAUGHTER]
JOSH HADDOW: I can't fucking understand what's going on.
I don't know.
It's just so weird.
I could tell it was starting to kick in because, well,
everything was getting a lot more vibrant to start with.
The visual started coming along.
You held your hand out in front of me and it was, like,
withering away.
And I felt embarrassed to tell you.
I felt like you're going to take it as an
insult, so I didn't.
Am I going to get through this?
JAMIE TAETE: Yeah, you're going to get through this.
JOSH HADDOW: I'm probably going to throw up
by the end of it.
JAMIE TAETE: Are you feeling nauseous?
JOSH HADDOW: Everything's very trailey.
So that's happening.
Can you take care of me?
[LAUGHTER]
JAMIE TAETE: Oh, Josh.
I'll take care of you.
JOSH HADDOW: Oh, my God.
What the fuck am I doing?
I was kind of not enjoying it.
And not giving myself a chance to enjoy it because I was so
busy dealing with the whole premise and the reason that we
were doing it.
Do you know what's really hard to, like,
comprehend right now?
JAMIE TAETE: What?
JOSH HADDOW: The fact that I'm in a documentary right now.
It's just such an intense environment to start with.
[LAUGHTER]
JAMIE TAETE: OK.
JOSH HADDOW: Doubled onto the fact that I'm on acid.
JAMIE TAETE: You're panicking a little bit, but you don't
need to panic at all.
JOSH HADDOW: In the flat, my mental state went from not
great to pretty awful, really.
As it became apparent that we were going to have to leave
soon, I just, my mind was, like, shit.
Like, I'm only just getting used to this environment of
having to think about what I'm going to do.
And I got that thing where you kind of, everything's quite
sort of focused in on just the fact that I didn't want to go.
No.
What are we doing?
JAMIE TAETE: We're getting in the cab.
JOSH HADDOW: OK.
OK.
JAMIE TAETE: You ready?
JOSH HADDOW: Can I just have a little bit more water?
JAMIE TAETE: Are you done?
You ready to go?
JOSH HADDOW: I can't work out the stairs let alone--
OK, let's just--
No.
Fuckin' hell.
JAMIE TAETE: I'll be with you on the stairs.
JOSH HADDOW: Cheers, man.
Thank you.
It was just becoming more and more
like, OK, this is happening.
This is happening.
That pressure was just sort of insurmountable at that point.
I can't do this.
I don't know.
JAMIE TAETE: All right.
Let's just--
Shall we get in the cab and see, like, you'll be in a
different room.
JOSH HADDOW: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
OK.
Just two seconds backwards from there.
Let me just process that.
I feel like a lot of that pressure was definitely backed
up by myself.
And you guys could probably sense that.
So you were sort of wanting to push me along.
It was horrible, really, in the cab.
I mean, apart from anything it was ruining my trip.
On top of the fact that I was, you know, literally on the way
to the place.
And every second was taking me closer to it, which meant
there was a sort of very sharp growth of dread in my mindset.
Now we're on the way now, aren't we?
For all I knew at that point, you were going to shove me on
a stage in a Western theater in front of, like, thousands
of people expected me to do a song and dance.
Like, I literally have no idea.
OK.
Let's just go for it and see what happens, eh?
I'm going to go walk here.
Is this a point?
It's so intense.
JAMIE TAETE: It's a picture of Michael Jackson.
JOSH HADDOW: It's so, so intense right now.
He's dead, newly dead.
The environment around Shaftesbury
Avenue is so intense.
It felt very much like I'd got to this sort of culminating
scene in some action film where something very, very bad
is about to happen.
And it's very, very close.
Like, if it was a heist film, like, we were about to go into
the bank or something.
I was going to get shot.
[CITY NOISE]
JOSH HADDOW: Is it like, 3:00 in the afternoon or is there a
bunch of kids around?
It's amazing.
I didn't feel like I should be around them
in my state of mind.
Not that I was going to do anything or, like, not like I
was dangerous.
But it just felt wrong.
Yeah.
Getting to the club which interesting.
MALE SPEAKER: [INAUDIBLE]
when you empty my wallet and leave me sexually frustrating?
And babe, you've been doing that all fucking week.
[LAUGHTER]
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah, I feel like I've bullied
myself into doing it.
JAMIE TAETE: That's not good.
You OK to go on?
JOSH HADDOW: Well, fuck it.
I'm here now.
This just looks like a cruel human experiment doesn't it?
That's fucking what it is.
[LAUGHTER]
JAMIE TAETE: Do you think you can handle it?
Do you think you can mentally handle it?
JOSH HADDOW: Probably not.
Everything like that.
What is that, like, some sort of--
JAMIE TAETE: He banged the mic.
JOSH HADDOW: But is that like some sort of--
MALE SPEAKER: At that moment I learned a very
important life lesson.
JOSH HADDOW: Am I getting--
What is going on?
You must know.
What's going on?
Up to that point, basically, everything had become sort of
like this black hole of despair around me.
It sounds like it's hyperbole, but honestly, it was horrible.
It just seemed like I was faced with the most just
unclimbable mountain.
I was just like, if I go up there, I'm just not going to
be able to face the crowd.
They're going to start jeering me.
Because I'm probably not going to be able to say anything.
I'll be so frightened.
MALE SPEAKER: Make some noise for Josh Haddow!
JOSH HADDOW: So when they called my name out and they
cheered, I just remember sort of going into auto function.
Part of me was just like, you're going to do it now.
It was definitely some part of me just sort of
taking me up there.
And it felt like destiny.
Getting up there and then it was silent.
And it was suddenly like, because it was silent, like,
my mind kind of took a breath.
There's this space for me to think, I may as well
just tell my joke.
So the SAS, they've not got any people left in them.
So they have interviews, open interviews.
And a farmer comes along and he goes, I
want to join the SAS.
I'm really brave.
And they say, well, what's brave about you,
what in your life?
And he says, well, one day, I was out farming.
And the tractor broke down three miles away from where I
lived with my wife, Mrs. Farmer.
And she--
the tract--
Yeah, the tractor, the tractor broke down.
I looked into the tractor engine and it
bolted back to life.
And it ripped one on of my arms off.
So I was, like, shit.
I've only got one arm.
And so I grabbed it--
grabbed that arm-- and ran all the way back.
Mrs. Farmer, she sewed it back on.
And now here I am.
And they said, that's very brave.
Well done.
[LAUGHTER]
JOSH HADDOW: You're definitely in to the SAS.
Then he said, thank you.
I'll see you on Monday.
And now only that's it.
MALE SPEAKER: Give it up for [INAUDIBLE].
JOSH HADDOW: As I said, at that point, all the anxiety
was kind of, was melting away.
And I was starting to have fun, actually.
It was like, chariots of fucking fire.
I was like, I'm going.
I'm like, and I'm on my way now.
And then literally, like almost running into your arms,
like, I fucking did it!
Seriously, violins started playing in my head.
It was like da, da, da.
Fucking amazing.
JAMIE TAETE: When you were going up I was
very anxious for you.
And I did feel a bit like I was going to die.
But I thought you did a lot better than I thought
you were going to.
How long do you think you were on stage for?
JOSH HADDOW: Probably about an hour.
[LAUGHTER]
JOSH HADDOW: I remember just being very, very happy.
And I was still tripping quite hard.
So it was really cool.
Because it was like, I could enjoy my trip.
And although I was in quite an intimidating environment, I
felt so invincible.
I felt like I'd achieved such a massive thing that that
threatening environment was really
not threatening anymore.
It's just quite fun to play around in.
And my inhibitions completely dropped, probably so far that
I probably annoyed and pissed off quite a lot of the public
I interacted with.
JAMIE TAETE: Did you see Josh's performance?
MALE SPEAKER: Yes.
JAMIE TAETE: And what did you think of Josh as
a first time comedian?
MALE SPEAKER: You know, first time was
cool, pretty confident.
JAMIE TAETE: Have you ever done stand up on acid?
MALE SPEAKER: Have I ever done stand up on acid?
I don't think so.
But if you've got photos I do apologize.
JAMIE TAETE: What do you think it would be like?
MALE SPEAKER: I think you could do it and the audience
wouldn't actually know.
Are you on acid?
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah.
MALE SPEAKER: No, seriously?
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah.
MALE SPEAKER: That's fucking crazy.
Are you serious?
JOSH HADDOW: Yeah.
MALE SPEAKER: Yeah.
You know, so.
JOSH HADDOW: It's just fine.
It's nothing.
MALE SPEAKER: But the reality is, the reality is--
JOSH HADDOW: Do you have any idea what I've been though?
JAMIE TAETE: And what about the guy you spoke to outside?
Do you remember much of the conversation?
JOSH HADDOW: I was elated.
I was almost ecstatic and euphoric at that point.
So I was just carefree.
But I just couldn't help myself, because he was just so
absurd to me.
I wanted to play with him like a kitten plays
with a ball of wool.
Oh, my God.
What are you talking about?
I thought he was a fool.
[LAUGHTER]
JOSH HADDOW: What I took away from it--
I mean, the whole night was hugely introspective.
It's an introspective drug.
I felt like I was starring in my own movie, which I actually
was in a way.
Can you help me light this?
Like, I'm fucked.
Like, I can't even light this cigarette.
It was all very, very strange, and very intense, and
introverted.
And with acid and the way it enhances your emotions, it
sort of amplifies them.
One of the emotions that it really amplified for me was
pride in myself, which was really, really good.
It was amazing.
Achievement's only worth it if you feel quite proud of what
you've achieved.
That was actually an amazing experience.
It was incredibly cathartic.
And it made be actually have an appreciation for religion
and things like that.
Because I actually thought, you know, people who spend
their lives just doing something for this higher
being, that is actually quite a nice thing.
You feel like you're giving something.
But then I realized I was equating you to my God.
And yeah, so that was probably not true.
See you later.
Bye.
[INAUDIBLE]
Gotta go.