Wanna hang out in the woods with some naked presidents?
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
- (gruffly) Good Mythical Morning. - We gonna get secret today, y'all.
- Yeah. - We're gonna get exposed.
- Or, we're gonna expose secrets. - There you go.
- Oooo-ee. It's gonna happen. - That's what we're gonna do.
- Gotta stay clear on that. - In a previous episode called
"Illuminati or IllumiNOT?" we discussed which celebrities were in the Illuminati,
one of the most famous secret societies. So we're not going there today...
- That's okay. - ...but we are going to turn the
all-seeing gaze of research to-wards other societies...
- "To-wards!" - ...of secretness.
That's right. So what we're gonna do is we have done some research on the
four most prominent secret societies in the world, and then we're gonna give you
some of their deepest, darkest secrets, and then give you our professional
Internetainment assesment, so you can know what to think about these things.
Because you don't need to think for yourselves. You need to listen to us.
- Yes. Listen to us. (laughing) - Okay?
All right. Let 'em have the first one, Rhett.
Okay, I'm gonna tell you about the first one: Freemasons.
- You've heard of these guys. - I have.
They're the world's largest secret society with over 6 million members.
- They got started way back in the 14th... - Wow.
...century. And -- I didn't know this until I started looking this up --
they actually were masons, like brick layers. Right from the start.
- And they didn't charge? - Uh, I don't know. I see where you're...
...going with that. I'm gonna point at ya. Past and present members include...
...Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Mozart, John Wayne, John Elway,
and Shaq. Probably because he's laid so many bricks.
- (forced laughter) Sports joke! - Shaq and Mozart...
- Sports joke! - ...in the same thing.
I know none of you care, so I'm just doing it for this camera.
Sports joke! A brick layer is when you miss a shot. He's really bad at
free throws. Don't worry about it. And my wife's grandfather...
- Mozart! - (Rhett laughing)
- ...Papa, was also a Freemason. - Papa, yeah!
So, here's a couple of things.
Basically, the idea that a lot of people have about them is that
they've been around for a long time, and they've been constantly working to get
the whole one-world government, the new world order started. Even going back
to evidence on the one-dollar bill. You see the all-seeing eye on the top
- of the pyramid on every one-dollar bill. - Uh-huh.
They are purported to have been the ones responsible for putting it on there.
Also, it says "new order ages" -- that's "novus ordo seclorum" -- on the
one-dollar bill. New world order of the ages. People said they faked
the moon landing. They were the ones responsible for that, because we know
that was fake, right? But we did a show about that. Also, if you ascend to the
33rd degree, the highest level of Freemasons, you must drink blood
- out of a human skull. - Ooh.
So it's very, you know, dark. Mysterious. Lotta bad stuff going on. But I know Papa.
Lemme tell you about Papa. Papa was a Freemason. The only thing sinister that
the man ever did was get addicted to nasal spray.
- (laughing) - And he did that with a passion.
He used it all the time. But listen. This is just...
He said, "I'm not addicted to it. I use it every day."
Maybe in the past, this was a big deal. But now this is just a bunch of old men
with funny hats who like to eat barbecue together, do secret handshakes,
and possibly abuse nasal spray in mass quantities. It's okay. Not a threat.
Freemasons: not a threat. You heard it here.
(clearing throat) Founded in 1832, Skull and Bones is the one I'm teeing up.
- Mm. That sounds scary. - It is the oldest secret society
at Yale. They meet in a windowless tomb.
- Oh. - Some Bonesmen include...
...William H. Taft, John Kerry, and many members of the Bush family.
- (Rhett) Oh, those bushes. - Basically, it's a college frat...
- ...for seniors. - Bush's baked beans, or Bush the...
- ...presidents? Got it. - Bush the presidents.
- Maybe the baked bans guy, too. - They're good baked beans!
Not a sponsor! Could be, if you're into it, though.
That's true. 15 new members are added on Tap Day every year from the rising
senior class. And then there's a hazing week, where they play games,
- they jump into mud piles... - Oh!
...they fun games like Bush family trivia night.
- (laughing) Oh, wow. - I've been playing that...
- ...with my kids for years. - Yeah.
- They absolutely love it. - Who doesn't already have that?
"Dad, can we play Bush Family Trivia Night again?"
- (laughing) - "Yeah, you're gonna go to Yale...
...one day, son. You're gonna be in the Skull and Bones."
- That's right. Get some free beans. - They give out nicknames, including
Long Devil, Boaz, Uncle Remus, Thor, Sancho Panza...
Those aren't nicknames. Those are just, like, names for other people in the past.
- H. W. Bush was named Magog. - Oh, Magog.
- (laughing) - He was?
- Really? (laughing) - Yeah, new initiates have to go into...
...a coffin and lie down and recite their intimacy details from their past.
- (laughing) Those intimacy details. - I'm just gonna put it that way.
- Okay. - And in the 1990s, women were added.
- Women can become Bomesmen. - Huh! They added some women!
- Throw some women in there. - Yeah, women can now be added
into the mix. So here's my assessment. I want in.
- (laughing) Okay. - I mean, you're jumping to mud piles.
You're playing games. You've got nicknames. I mean, you would be
Long Devil, because you're the tallest guy. The tallest guy is called Long Devil.
- Call me Boaz. - I wanna be Big Buck.
I'll be a part if you call me Big Buck. I've always wanted to call myself
- Big Buck. - I don't think...
- Can we be a part of it? - You can't give yourself a nickname.
Well, but you go in, you get in first, and then when I show up, you're like,
"Call him Big Buck! We should call him Big Buck!"
- (crew laughing offscreen) - We've got a whole strategy.
So you're not that. That's your assessment?
- My assessment is I want in. - How about the Bilderberg group?
- Started in 1954... - I've heard of them.
There's a lot of mystery surrounding them, because basically this is an invitation-only
conference. It happens once a year where various world leaders show up to this
hotel. I think they do it in different places every year, but...
- Very high-security. - Yeah.
- You can't infiltrate that. - And there's people like Bill Clinton,
Prince Charles, Henry Kissinger, Steven Spielberg, Donald Rumsfeld,
Rupert Murdoch. Some of the biggest names in politics and media come together and
meet. Now listen. They must come alone. They can bring their personal assistants
and their people, but their people have to be in this other place. They can't eat
with them. They can't be in the event. No press is allowed.
No details are released to the public. There are armed guards outside.
There are fighter jets that patrol the area, the airspace around this thing.
So you would be tempted to think, "This is... something is going down."
Ever since 1954, something big has been going down, and, of course,
- lots of people say... - Sure.
...that they're planning for the one world government, and one world army,
and one world central bank, and all this stuff. And that's what they're
getting in there and talking about. But I've done some...
(nasally voice) professional research, and I have a theory.
(nasally voice) Okay. Tell me your theory.
First of all, people often call these guys the Bilerbergers. There's a sign.
- Of what? - (laughing) In 1954, they had their
first meeting. I ain't making this up. In 1955, you know what happened?
The first Mickey D's opened up.
- Okay. - Hold on, hold on.
I'm not done. In June of this year, they had their meeting.
And then in October, Burger King released the black Halloween Whopper.
- Mm. - Link, have you heard of a store that
Stevie used to work at called Build-A-Bear?
- Yes. - Who's to say there's not something
called a Build-A-Burger, and that's what these -- Think about Bill Clinton.
He's sitting there, he's like, "Hey, guys. Listen."
"This year. Burger King. Black Whopper."
- "And, no! You know what? Let's also..." - (Link and crew offscreen laughing)
"While we're at it, let's get 'em to do a long burger. Extra long. Two patties,
- side-by-side." - "And you know what?"
"We can take those fry containers, and we can put chicken in 'em."
- "Yeah!" - "Yeah!"
"That's not a burger, though. We can't build that."
- "Who cares?" - "We're the Build-A-Burgers."
- "We can sub that out." - That's what they're doing, people.
Don't get so excited. They're just planning menu items for fast
- food restaurants. - Actually, once you told me that,
- I started to get really excited. - (Rhett and crew offscreen laughing)
Like, I'm gonna run some fighter jets over somebody...
Hey, they're doing a good job. Keep it up, Build-A-Burgers!
- Love those burgers. (laughing) - I love that black Whopper.
- Makes your poop green. - ♪ (Oh, Stevie worked at Build-A-Bear.) ♪
- (Rhett and crew offscreen laughing) - Let's just hang out on that for a second.
All right. And then let's hang out at the Bohemian Grove: the greatest men's
- party on Earth! - Oh, I'm in!
This is a campground located in Monte Rio, California, about 75 miles north of
San Francisco. So you're getting up into Redwood territory. Every July...
- It's beautiful up there. - ...they host a two-week camp for
some of the most prominent men in the world. Men only. No women.
- Only men during this two-week thing. - All right.
Other times of the year, women can come, but they have to leave by like 9 PM.
- (laughing) The women have a curfew. - Yeah, the women have a curfew.
- Okay. I don't know how I feel about that. - The stated objective of the two-week
camp is to, quote, "share a passion for the outdoors, music, and theater."
- But what really goes on inside? - Mm.
Well, first thing we do know is back in 1942, the planning of the Manhattan
Project, which led to the first atomic bomb, took place there.
- So there's some... - That's big.
- There's some stuff going on. - That's serious business.
And i have turned my research to unearth some secrets here.
- Okay. - And what I have found is that
- they also smoke cigars. - Oh...
- Some of these men... - Smoky.
- ...like the dress as women. - (exaggerated gasp)
That's right. And the rest of them just like to hang out naked against
- Redwoods. - What kinda guys like to dress...
- ...like women? - Uh, presidents.
- We don't do that on this show. - Leaders. And Internetainers.
They have this ceremony called the "cremation of care," where --
there's, like, clandestine footage of this stuff -- people in in robes.
And they've got this huge bonfire in front of a 30-foot statue of an owl that they
- call Moloch. - Oh, yeah. Moloch. The 30-foot owl.
That's where I was? I thought that was a summer camp.
- Well, Moloch is a Canaanite god... - Oh.
...that was a associated with child sacrifice.
- Ah. - So people say they sacrifice...
- ...chil'ren this thing, y'all. - (laughing)
I mean, it gets... The fire is big. I can say that.
- (laughing) Okay. The fire is big. - But here's my conclusion.
My assessment is that, basically, it's like a boy's camp for old men
who like to get naked against Redwood trees. And...
- (scoffing) - ...every Rebublican president since
Coolidge has been a member. Look at these men and ask yourself
the question: do I wanna hang out against Redwood trees with these men,
- naked? There's an easy answer... - (Rhett) Mm.
- ...to that question. - (Rhett) None of these guys look like...
...they would look good naked, I will say that.
(Link) It's "no." And they smell like campfire? it's like, "Man, you look like..."
"You smell like a campfire and you look naked."
- But naked... - "'Cause you are naked."
"Were you a president? Because this is weird."
Naked in the firelight's different, though. Sometimes you can look good
naked in a firelight. You get the right angle?
- Can I show you the picture -- - I could see Richard Nixon...
- Look at the man again, Rhett. - ...looking pretty good naked.
Well, Richard Nixon can't look good in any firelight.
The answer is "no." And so the secret's out.
- (laughing) - I'm not on the waiting list, which could
be like 30 years to go to the Bohemian Grove.
But we are gonna join that other one that you take about.
- Skull and Bones, baby! - Yeah, let's get in on that.
We gotta go to Yale. That might be a problem.
(laughing) We're applying right now. Thanks for liking, commenting,
- and subscribing. - You know what time it is.
Hey, guys. My name's Brittany Taylor. I'm from Tyler, Texas,
and it's time to spin The Wheel of Mythicality.
It's not too early to make that Christmas list. And when you do, remember to go to
- rhettandlink.com/store. - (Link) Store!
(Rhett) Get some lip balm for the loved one in your life. Or some beard oil for...
..the man or woman with a beard in your life.
Ha ha! Click through to Good Mythical More. We're gonna play Rocket League!
- It's soccer with cars... - Hey!
...in a video game!
(Rhett) "Landing a plane, but you're not pilots."
(impersonating an intercom) Uh, traffic control, we're, uh...
We're up here and we're gonna... We're comin' on down!
Uh, it's been a great flight here with everybody. I'm glad. Thanks for
flying with us today. And we hope to see you next time.
Uh... Siri, can you play some Taylor Swift? That would be good for this, right?
- I think we should... - Little upbeat, something.
I think we should probably put the landing gear out about now, Dale.
- All right. Let's put the landing... - I'm gonna hit this button here.
- ...gear down. Siri... - Uh, now...
Landing gear. Uh... All right. Shiny buttons, and look at this.
- Question for ya, Dale. - Ugh.
- You a pilot? - Nope. Not much.
- What about you, Cindy? - (crew laughing offscreen)
Nope.
[Captioned by Kevin: GMM Captioning Team]