-The weirdos,
the many weirdos who tried
to help Donald Trump overthrow the election are
in major legal and financial trouble.
Trump is refusing to help Rudy Giuliani
pay his legal bills
and MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell,
who's also been sued for defamation,
had yet another meltdown at a so-called Cyber Symposium.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
Before we get to all that,
the big news in politics right now, of course,
is the resignation of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo,
who's slinking away in disgrace after a long run
as one of the most corrupt and cynical bullies in politics,
not to mention the host of the weirdest kids' show in history.
[ Laughter ] Thank you.
Terrifying man.
You know, it's hard to soothe the soul of a nation
when you sound like Chazz Palminteri's stuntman.
[ Laughter ] Anyway, a report by the attorney general found
that Cuomo sexually harassed 11 women.
And let's not forget, his administration also
covered up the COVID death toll in nursing homes.
It's got to be the worst thing he's covered up
since his nipples.
[ Laughter ] I guess they also knew how bad things were
and they were trying to get the hell out of there.
[ Laughter ] Those things like porcupine quills.
They attack when they're threatened.
[ Laughter ] Seriously, when even your nipples are trying to escape,
you know you're in a bad place.
Maybe that's why he started wearing a blanket,
like he was just rescued from the Miracle on the Hudson.
[ Laughter ]
Look at him. Is he trying to pull a "Mrs. Doubtfire"?
I wouldn't be surprised if Cuomo pretended
to be the British nanny
so he could hang around after he resigns.
He just has to make sure he doesn't also take his fake name
from the front page of the newspaper.
[ English accent ] Oh, hello, my name is Mrs...
Andrew Cuomo.
[ Laughter ] Oh, no, wait! I mean, it's Mrs...
Disgraced Governor.
Oh, dear. Don't mind the nipples.
They're just frightened.
[ Laughter ] And when
he announced his resignation yesterday,
Cuomo tried to explain away his actions
by claiming he didn't realize he was doing anything wrong.
-In my mind, I've never crossed the line with anyone.
But, I didn't realize
the extent to which the line has been redrawn.
-First of all, that's such a ridiculous excuse.
You're telling us you didn't know
what you were doing was wrong?
What's next, you going to tell us
you didn't know what day it was?
You don't get to blame the line for moving
when you're the one who crossed it.
Although, I will say, if you live in New York,
you've probably heard that before.
Cuomo sounds like he's trying to talk a traffic cop
out of giving him a ticket for parking in a fire lane.
[ As Cuomo ] I swear, when I parked, the line was over here.
Now you're telling me it's over here?
Come on, you're breaking my balls!
[ Laughter ] It's a very
George Costanza way of excusing your [bleep] behavior.
[ As Costanza ] The line, Jerry, it moved!
[ Laughter ] They moved the line!
Oh, it moved, baby!
[ Laughter ] And it turned out I crossed it!
[ As Seinfeld ] You know what this means.
You're a line-crosser.
[ As Costanza ] Lines here, lines there!
I'm crossing lines all over the place!
[ Laughter ] [ As Elaine ] Have I
got a line for you.
[ Laughter ] [ As Seinfeld ] Well, get in line!
[ As Elaine ] I was with Puddy last night
and he used
the line.
[ As Seinfeld ] He used the line?!
[ As Costanza ] I thought using the line crossed the line!
[ As Elaine ] Not my line.
[ As Seinfeld ] Now, that's where I draw the line.
[ "Seinfeld" theme sting ]
[ Laughter ]
That camp was worth every penny.
[ Laughter ]
So, obviously, this is not how Andrew Cuomo planned
to end his political career.
He was once the most dominant, ruthless,
most Machiavellian force in New York politics.
Now, he's just the latest in a long line
of disgraced New York politicians
who will inevitably get photographed
by The New York Post
with a long, scruffy beard and a Mets hat,
sloppily eating a dollar slice
on a bench in Central Park by himself.
Central Park has a bench specifically for that.
[ Laughter ]
If only there were a way to,
I don't know, lift his spirits.
Perhaps, I don't know, a pep talk
from someone who knows what he's going through.
-Hi, it's Rudy Giuliani and I'm on Cameo.
If there's an issue of concern that you want to discuss
or a story you'd like to hear or share with me,
or a greeting that I can bring to someone
that would bring happiness to their day,
I would be delighted to do it.
[ Chuckling ] It can be arranged.
We can talk.
Through the magic of Cameo.
Thank you.
-No, Rudy. Thank you.
I guess Rudy's last cameo went so well,
he decided to give it another go.
[ Laughter ] [ As Giuliani ] For an extra 50 bucks,
I'll tuck in my shirt.
Also, where is he?
Did he film that in an IKEA showroom?
Why does everything looks so chintzy?
Reminds me of action films from the '80s
where the characters would be arguing
in front of a set of shelves that looked so cheap,
you'd think, "Oh, someone's definitely
getting thrown into those." [ Laughter ]
Oh, Rudy.
Sweet, sweet Rudy.
He has no idea what he's in for.
Right now, a prosecutor in the Southern District of New York
is logging on to Cameo and asking Rudy
to share the story of the time he went to Ukraine
to dig up dirt on a political opponent
to interfere in a presidential election.
[ As Biden ] This message is for Mr. DOJ.
I hear you're feeling discouraged at work.
Well, let me tell you about the time
my friend Don and I cooked up a scheme
[ Laughter ] to extort a foreign government
and got away with it.
Oh, it says here you want me to read you
my text messages and emails.
Oh, hold on. Someone's banging at the door.
Why are you yelling "Police!"?
There's no police in here.
[ Laughter ]
Now, Rudy's charging
$275 per video.
But, if you just wait a while, you know,
he'll eventually butt-dial you for free.
I mean, this guy,
this guy, who was the personal lawyer
to the president of the United States,
and, now, he's basically panhandling
in the same place you can get a "Happy Bat Mitzvah" message
from Jamie Farr. Does that count
as a "M-A-S-H" reference? You let us know.
[ Laughter ] Now, I will say it took
a lot of self-control on our part
not to buy a Cameo from Rudy because, ultimately,
even if you're doing it as a joke,
Rudy's still getting the money.
It's not like it's joke money.
I mean, Pizza Rat doesn't care
if the pizza's three days old.
He's just happy he found something to eat,
especially something on-brand. [ Laughter ]
Plus, we don't have $275
to throw away on a dumb Cameo from Rudy
because we have to keep paying Wally for all his lines.
In fact, Wally's so famous now, he's doing his own Cameos.
-Hey, this message is for Rudy G.
Keep going and don't let any of those lame talk show hosts
get you down, buddy.
[ Laughter ]
-You're very good at it, Wally.
-Thank you very much. -You're very good.
-Thank you. [ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ] -And any money Rudy makes from this
will presumably go toward paying the legal bills
he's racked up from trying to dig up dirt on Joe Biden
and trying to overthrow the results of the election,
in part, because his former client,
the guy he did all that dirty work for,
Donald Trump, refuses to help him.
The Daily Beast reported this week that, even...
Wow, they're not even acknowledging that it exists.
Rudy's closest friends are all treating him
the way you treat your coworker when you both get on the subway
at the same time and you realize,
if you start a conversation now, you're going to have
to sustain it for the next 45 minutes.
In those situations, I just close my eyes.
I pretend I'm asleep.
No wonder Rudy's doing Cameos.
Soon, he's going to have to pawn off his precious belongings.
[ As Biden ] This is a Yankees World Series trophy.
"Sir, that's a Yankee Candle."
Oh, Rudy!
You done it again!
[ Laughter ] And I'm betting
an acknowledgment from Trump would help
because, I have to say, I follow Rudy news pretty closely.
I had no idea -- no idea! -- he had a legal defense fund.
At this point, I'm willing to bet
even Rudy's neighbors have no idea he has one.
And I'm just spitballing, here.
If -- and it's a big if --
if he lived across the hall from a guy,
I don't know, eating a bagel, in a Yankees hat,
[ Laughter ] that guy might say --
[ As Sandler ] Oh, so Rudy needs money, huh?
That makes sense because, yeah, the other day,
I saw him trying to stuff Camel Cash into a parking meter.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, he filmed the whole thing on Cameo.
Can you believe this Yankees bullpen?
How many saves can you blow in one game?
[ Laughter ] What's that? I know my robe's open.
[ Laughter ]
It's a free country.
Rudy and his allies have apparently tried
to get Trump to help,
either by giving money to Rudy's legal defense fund
or, at least, drawing attention to it,
but Trump has refused.
I mean, were you surprised?
Trump's only drawn to people
who project strength and confidence.
Meanwhile, if Rudy had his own cologne,
it would be called...
Trump would never help someone like that,
even though Rudy is facing a mountain of legal bills
because he did Trump's dirty work.
Among as many other legal problems,
Rudy is also being sued for defamation
by the election technology firm Dominion,
the same company that's also suing
MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell
for spreading insane lies about the election.
Lindell, you might recall, is so crazy,
he got kicked out of a meeting
of the Republican Governors Association
and, at an event yesterday that he billed as a Cyber Symposium,
Lindell spent a considerate amount of time
complaining about how he got kicked out of that meeting.
-If y'all remember, I got kicked out
of the Republican Governors Convention
because Doug Ducey and Brian Kemp
were afraid I would talk to 'em.
I was invited there.
Now, we're going to talk about the terrible media.
I was invited to that convention.
Here's the real story behind it.
I get down there. I got my things.
We're all going to head to the governor's mansion
and a guy comes out and he goes, "Mike,
you've been kicked out,"
and he goes, "You've been uninvited."
I said, "What do you mean?"
He goes, "Something to do with Brian Kemp and Doug Ducey."
Well, and I said, "The whole event?"
He said, "Yeah, the whole event."
-Everything about that is perfect.
I especially love that he wanted to clarify
if he'd been kicked out of the whole event,
as opposed to just getting kicked out of part of it,
and I bet that's not the first time it happened.
[ As Lindell ] I once got kicked out of the quiet car on Amtrak
and said, "Can I go to a regular car?"
They said, "You got to go to the loud car."
Then, they opened the door
and they pushed me out of the train.
[ Laughter ] But I just hit the tracks
and I bounced right back up.
[ Laughter ] Also, in what way was this
a cyber symposium?
From what I can tell, he spent a lot of the time
complaining about getting kicked out of other events.
Imagine going to see a man
who admits this is the only room he's been allowed to stay in
and then, imagine if he was also asked
to leave that room, and then refused.
-They attacked me.
They buried it.
You think about that.
-They got something they want to show you offstage here.
-Okay, I guess we have something offstage.
So, we're livestreaming, though.
So, you want to talk?
-I think we're going to --
I think we're set up for a break
and maybe we're going to talk a little bit.
Right when we get back there, we're going to go into --
-No, we're not going on a break.
Put up that movie again.
Run the movie. There's no breaks.
We're streaming 72 hours,
livestreaming, so, around the world.
This never stops.
You guys can go eat.
That's fine, but I ain't eating. -[ Laughs ]
-I'm staying up here for 72 hours
before they ruin our signal.
[ Laughter ] -Amazing. First,
he got kicked out of the Republican Governors Convention,
and then, they tried to drag him out of his own Cyber Symposium.
Next, they're going to kick him off the board of MyPillow.
"Mike, we're just not sure
a guy who says he's going to
stay up and livestream for three days straight without breaks
is a guy you want to buy a pillow from."
[ As Lindell ] I can't sleep, anyway.
MyPillow is filled with fire ants and broken glass.
Now, let me get out there, so I can talk about cy-bear.
[ Laughter ]
Run the movie, "The Blues Brothers"!
[ Laughter ]
Also, real slick move, there, by the other guy,
to try to get him offstage --
"We got something to show you."
[ Laughter ] Were they trying to lure him
under a box held up by a stick like in "Looney Tunes."
[ Laughter ] "Come on, Mike. Mike, c'mere.
Ooh, look, Mike. We got something very special
over here to show. Come on, Mike!
Come here. Quick!
Quick, throw the tarp on him!
Strap him down!
Keep your hands away from his mouth!
He will bite you!"
[ Laughter ] This has been
a week of consequences
for some of the most corrupt people in politics.
In Cuomo's case, he's slinking away in disgrace
after facing a reckoning for his years of harassment,
bullying, and ruthlessness.
And, for Rudy and Lindell,
they're finding out what happens
when you debase and humiliate yourself
in service of a man who never returns any loyalty
to the people he demands it from.
Every day, they embarrass themselves
and suffer new indignities on Trump's behalf.
At this point, Trump could order Rudy
to streak naked across the field
at Yankee Stadium and Rudy would say...
-I would be delighted to do it.
[ Chuckling ] It can be arranged. We can talk.
[ Laughter ] -This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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