Let’s get back to
looking at what you wankers are up to
during your time in iso.
This bloke is clearly missing
drinking and gambling at the pub.
He can’t even rig his homemade game
so that he gets a win.
It’s brutal seeing him flush his money down the toilet.
He’s got an addiction problem.
He does.
For all you bloody beach bums out there,
here’s one way you can still go surfing.
You miss out on Vitamin D,
but there’s no sharks.
I am thoroughly enjoying
how many people are learning
new skills.
Fuck yeah!
Smashed it.
When else would you ever have the time
to get good at doing that.
Who feels like having a cheeseburger served up
on a spinning umbrella?
You gotta wonder
how many hours this fella
puts into his new hobby.
Full-time I reckon.
OH! It’s like watching an elite soccer player
or basketballer
do tricks with a ball.
I think he’s been doing it for years.
The world wasn’t ready tho,
we weren't ready,
now we are.
If you’re doing online classes,
remember you’re not entirely isolated
["Shut the fuck up I'm on the class.
I'm in the class put them in the dishwasher.].
You are not in the face to face world,
but yeah nah nah nah nah,
other people are still around.
["Mum misses my dad Mathew,
cause you talk when you're not supposed to.
OK?
You are interrupting professor Cawley."
Professor Cawley: "Okay seriously, Mute yourself,
if you're gonna raise your voice."].
You may be hesitant
to wear a traditional facemask
when you go out shopping,
so perhaps use your time to make your own.
You can add style to it,
plus make sure it fits
100%.
Get ready for groundbreaking visual FX.
If the pandemic
goes on long enough
this dickhead
could snag himself a Best Visual FX
academy award nomination.
There’s no movies being made.
They’re gonna have to nominate internet videos.
Fuck it, give him the win.
Avatar, Interstellar, Blade Runner 2049,
they’ve got jack shit
on this.
We do need to keep checking in on parents
and grandparents
and making sure they’re okay.
Even if they’re not your own.
Bloody check in on them.
It’s so nice that this sheila has reached out
to her elderly neighbour.
Actions like this will get us through dark days.
Oh she’s written a sign back.
Fuck.
Off.
Okay, well, yeah,
this whole thing is super-duper hard
on older folk.
You have to remember
married couples
have already spent so many years together.
["You got two choices really, either A,
we lock you down together in quarantine,
or B..."
"B, I take B, can I take B?"]
[Playing "Hello darkness my old friend"].
Anyway, there’s gonna be pros and cons of
having extra law enforcement outside.
We may see a rise
in vigilante citizens
looking to help the police.
This dodgy bastard is clearly training
to be a superhero.
I would be very careful breaking any lockdown rules
in his neighbourhood.
The motherfucker looks highly skilled
and extremely deadly.
Do not make him unleash his wrath.
Arnie and his family appear to be doing pretty good still.
They have so many nice brunches together.
There’s no doubt it’s hard
behind the scenes,
living on top of each other,
trying to get along every day,
but they’re a solid family
of role models.
I love em.
Nah yeah I love em.
Finally, just because you’re home all the time
don’t become fucken feral.
Keep up your hygiene.
Be like Zeke the Chameleon.
Look at him, washing his little hand,
he’s not spreading any viruses,
unless we eat him.
Okay nobody
eat Zeke the Chameleon.
Or if you do,
cook him well,
eat the thighs, as fillets,
NO! Don’t eat him!
Fuck sake.
Sorry everyone.
I dunno who I am,
or what I stand for, anymore.
It happens in apocalypses,
it happens.