Today, I get to share something that I do every day of my career and help you to
see how to coach someone to be more positive. Little disclaimer right up
front. This is something that is risky to do. Because if you're looking at this
video, it's for one of 2 reasons basically. Either there's someone in your
life who's being negative and you want to coach them into being more positive.
Or you are a coach. And you're legitimately wondering how do I coach
someone to be more positive? How do I apply this in my practice? Okay, either
way. We have to acknowledge that this is a permission based activity. In other
words, you don't get to jump in on this unless you are invited. And in the first
case, if there's someone in your life who's being negative, if you jump in and
try to teach them or coach them how to be more positive, that's going to
irritate and annoy them and they're probably going to fire you. And I give
fired sometimes as a trained professional.
People come to me and they ask for this. And sometimes they don't want to hear
what I have to say and they fire me. Now, what if somebody in your family fires
you? Well, that can be kind of tragic. So please tread carefully on this
subject. Could people use more positivity? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. That's true for me
too and I am pathologically positive. That's the title of my book actually. We,
can all use more positivity. Remember it is a permission-based activity to coach
someone to be more positive. Now, let's assume for a minute that they're open.
That they either hire you as a coach or if it's just someone in your family or
someone that you work with. They've shown some openness to, "Hey, how can
be more positive?" Once they give you that permission, we got a question to overcome.
Why should they listen to you? I don't mean that in a demeaning sort of a way
at all. I think it's a legitimate question. Why should they listen to you?
And there's a couple of legitimate answers to that. I have the luxury of
being able to say, "Well, I'm a positivity psychologist. I've written books on the
topic. I got a PhD." And even with my credential, I have to give them a better
reason to listen to me about positivity. And the most convincing reason that we
can give to people is our own positivity. Even people who know that I'm a clinical
psychologist, hire me because they see me as being a positive person. And they know
because of that that I can help them, I could coach them to increase the
positivity in their own life. So just ask yourself. Why should people listen to me
and be ready to give a good answer to that at least to yourself. But maybe to
those who are asking and wanting to know? When we launch into a coaching process,
there are principles that we want to share, right? I mean you know some things
about this that could help that person to be more positive. But we don't lead
with that. I think we start with listening. This is a powerful strategic
way to establish a relationship of trust with someone. And if you are entrusted to
coach them on anything. You might be a sports coach or a health coach or a
finance coach. You have to have some level of trust after you've answered the
question why should they listen to you. Listening to them probably is the
fastest way that you can get to a relationship of trust and show them that
you understand where they're coming from. Do not prescribe anything
until you first seek to understand through listening. Pay attention to them.
Now, most people who are stuck in a negative mode who could use some
positivity coaching don't realize all of the principles that drive our experience
of positivity. And there's a morality attached to it. Typically people who are
feeling negative feel badly about feeling negative. And then it starts to
feed on itself. Let's remove the morality from this question. You're not right or
wrong for being negative or positive. And it's not evil or good to think in
negative or positive ways. Just remove the morality from it because that makes
it a legitimate choice. I have clients all the time who tell me, "Oh, I guess I
just need to think more positive." And my response is almost always the same. "Or
not." And that dips them over sometimes. They're like, "Well I want to." Oh, well
that's different. I'll get behind that all day long. We
want to emphasize the choice, not the morality. The choice of negativity or
positivity. When we see it as a choice it becomes a choice and then we have the
freedom to direct that choice. Removing the morality helps to focus on the
choice. Choice is only one of the principles that drives this. Principles
determine all of life's outcomes. AAnd as we understand those principles and apply
them, we get different outcomes. This is true of positivity as well. It's not that
they're doing something wrong. It's that they're thinking in a way
that's causing them some misery. Which is a totally legitimate choice. Well, if it's
a choice, I wouldn't want to choose it. Yeah, that's part of the point. Establish
the principle based nature of thinking in a positive way.
And then empower their choice. Powerful to remove the morality. Focus on the
principles and empower the choice. People really respond well when we can give
them a solid model that will help them to understand how their brain is
processing their experience. I've developed a model that you are welcome
to share. If you go down to the description of this video, you'll see a
link to get a free copy. Digital copy of my mini book. Portable positivity. This
book was designed to present such a model. And the model that I've described
in other videos. So I won't take the time to do it. Here. The model has to do with a
visual graphic that can be used to understand how our mind is processing
our experience in 2 ways. Evaluation and creation. Pick up a free copy of the
mini book. You'll see what I'm talking about. So just click down below to get
that mini book. You can... I'll even send you a copy if you pay for the shipping.
And you can follow that in the link as well. Get connected to models that help
us to see, "Oh, it's not that I'm broken. It's that there's a model."And if I'm
aware of the model, I can apply the principles better." That's a powerful way
to get people out of their own way. Give them a model that they can respond to.
And then finally, let's go back to where we started from. When I was asking why
should people listen to you, be an example of positivity. Be the
example. Can you imagine going to a health and fitness coach that is sick
and overweight. No, they wouldn't have the credibility to work with you on that
particular issue. Maybe they're brilliant in some other area that you'd hire them
for. But if you want to coach people on positivity, you've got to be a
example of what it looks like. Live it. Show people how this makes a difference
for you and the way you can experience joy in your own life and in your
relationships. That's how you can coach someone to be more positive. This was
kind of a fun conversation for me because I coach coaches. If you didn't
know that, connect with me on that, would you? Liveonpurpose.coach, not com.
Liveonpurpose.coach/webinar. I'll share with you 7
powerful clarity's on how to establish your practice as a life coach.