Scott
hello underachievers so I'm guessing you
didn't expect this video maybe you did I
just I didn't know what vibes I give off
just a disclaimer before before I
actually get into the video this is not
a coming out video it's more just like a
discussion with myself and people that
are watching like a confused discussion
I don't know I just think sexuality is
interesting also if there's noises in
the background it's the rats
they've just woken up and they've
decided to be really loud so I'm sorry
about that oh yeah and I had a haircut I
asked for it longer but the guy just
kept cutting so it's kind of too short I
wish it was longer it's not the worst
haircut so a few days ago I did some
poll on Twitter and what it said was are
you 100% sure that you are the sexuality
that you think you are they added the
options yes no and also I'm not entirely
sure but now I realized that no and I'm
not entirely sure I you know like the
same answer for that question so we'll
just add those two together and what I
found was that more people than I
expected one entirely sure of their
sexuality and with the no and I'm not
entirely sure schools added together 60
percent of my followers aren't sure of
their sexuality and I found that really
interesting because like you know most
of us are like lgbts and I don't know
it's not like a bad thing but I just
expected people to be like more like
hunter percent sure but to be honest I
think this result is probably like a
relieving thing for some people to hear
because I know like nowadays people love
to just put people in like specific
boxes like oh I'm Demi queer I'm manky
sexual you know like there's there's
there's very specific labels that people
can identify us and it just kind of you
know goes to show the questioning
anything and questioning your sexuality
is okay it's a normal thing I mean like
60% of my followers are questioning Wow
kind of questioning they're not entirely
sure I don't know just think that like
feeling that you need to identify is
something that you're not entirely sure
about it's kind of a scary thing and
there's nothing wrong with being like oh
like I don't know yet I think on this
but it could be this what's that what's
that what's that what's that dance
[Music]
but I also kind of think that nobody
really knows anything about anything
so I'm not that surprised so this video
is pretty much about just like the fact
that I am questioning except them not
it's not some like existential question
for me it's just more like hmm and it's
not something I feel like I need to
figure out but also it's kind of nice to
just like know realistically I know that
it doesn't matter especially in my
situation because I'm in a relationship
and I know for a fact that I'm attracted
to the person I'm with so that's not
really an issue but it's more of a
curiosity thing and also I just thought
this would be a good video to like
upload because I'm sure a lot of people
that follow me are just like oh no one
knows exactly who he is he knows exactly
what he wants to do and who he wants to
be but like I don't and I feel like
that's like a hard thing to say for some
people
but like I'm no idea what I'm doing just
thought it could be a bit you know
you're not alone none of us know what
we're doing so I am Confucian I know a
hundred percent that I'm trans I know a
hundred percent that I'm a guy I know a
hundred percent the transitioning was
the right thing for me to do I don't
know a hundred percent I am attracted to
guys and I always have been I know that
I know I've always been into guys but
I'd say I'm like 80% sure of my
sexuality here's my thing I think
everybody is bi and obviously you don't
have to agree with me I'm not gonna be
mad I'm not gonna push that on anyone I
just think everybody's a little bi I
think that anybody has the capability to
be attracted to like any type of person
I just think there are some people that
are more likely to be attracted to any
type of person or like more likely to
act on that attraction I don't know I
don't know like does that make sense and
I've had this conversation with a lot of
people and like pretty much every time
I've had this conversation people have
agreed but like maybe that's because
like most people who have this
conversation with awake
career although I did have this
conversation recently with a straight
guy and he was like it to be fair I
agree with you so my understanding of my
sexuality like I said I'm 100% into guys
and like thinking of my future I can
only see it like being with a guy in a
relationship and by the way I'm not
saying that like guys and girls are like
completely separate creatures who
functions so differently because they're
really we're really not that different
and we're definitely not as different as
some people like to believe but like I
just can't see myself being with a girl
like romantically because I'm attracted
to like stereotypically male features
and by saying male features I'm not
talking about like man
skill and features you know like being
loud I'm talking about like secondary
sex characteristics of master like a
deep voice and like stubble and like
dick the dick thing is a big one I'm not
gonna lie but I think that's because a
there's nothing wrong with dick dick is
great there's nothing better than a
nice-looking day but also like be this
could be because I'm trans and like
because I think of myself as gay if I'm
with someone in like a sexual situation
I feel like there should be at least one
thick there cuz like if I can't have one
that needs to be that means there needs
to be a dick you roll and see I just
really like dick however I am also the
understanding that girls are attractive
I think that there are more attractive
girls in the population then there are
attractive boys but the thing is I just
can't work out if I'm attracted to them
or if I just already find just like you
know you look really pretty but like
I've heard from bi people the way
they're attracted to girls and guys is
like different so like there's a
different level of Attraction and
there's a different way that they're
attracted to like each gender but I'm
not entirely sure if what I'm
experiencing is attraction like right
how I'm very sure with guys so like
realistically here's the thing I've
never had a crush one girl a girl has
never given me like butterflies and I've
never met a girl in real life and being
like I would have sex with you but I
like wasn't a lot of girls I'm kind of
just like I want to just look at you
because you're really good-looking but I
don't know why it's probably just like
aesthetic attraction um Scott just
climbed out the cage okay bye
I just think pretty people were nice to
look at and like please don't take this
the wrong way it's not like oh my god
I'm not staring all day it's kind of
just like how can one person look so
good like I just want to like understand
I want to look at the person who'd be
like this is why you're attractive I
don't know it's not like a creepy way
and it's not like I actually do this
it's not like I actually just stand
around and stare at women because that's
that's probably a weird thing that women
experience from creeping that I don't do
that just want to get that out of the
way I just I don't even think about that
and I'm not saying I'm attracted to
women but if I was I don't think gotta
have a type if you get what I mean like
with men I have a type but like with
women I'm just like masculine women cool
family and women cool but it's not like
I don't think it's attraction so I want
to get into like why I considered that
maybe I wasn't gay annex is the terrible
reason and it's really bad I'm really
sorry but
like the reason was because I used to
watch a lot of porn and I know that's
like a gross way to think about women
and it's like a weird way to kind of
find out your sexuality but I know a lot
of people kind of like discover their
sexuality from watching porn and just I
don't want to I don't want it to come
across like this obviously I don't think
that were in a purely like sexual
creatures who were just there to like
you know like please people because
that's not what they are but just like
in terms of like watching porn
I saw a girl and I was like oh Jesus
Christ I thought about was on me but it
was my Rach what what what but have been
sexually attracted to men in porn and
I've never had that sexual attraction in
real life so that's what confuses me
because like I don't know and I think
maybe it's because like porn is just
like a sexualized like medium it's not
the one it's not the word and so like my
brain might just find sex huh sorry my
camera just died so yeah I think it's
that just like porn is a place where
like things are supposed to be sexy so
maybe my brain is just in like that mode
and when I see a girl I'm like okay like
they're having sex hard then like I feel
like I could watch two girls and I'd be
attracted to that but I don't know if
that's like maybe I was just I think I'm
just horny and I don't know if this
means that I would ever have sex with a
woman I guess that's kind of just like
an exploration thing I have to find out
which is I'm not doing that anytime in
the near future so like my doubts about
being bi there are a lot of them so I'm
already sure where this video is going
and it and it made sense in my head but
now that I'm saying things I'm like what
is the point I'm kind of just talking
I'm kind of just talking and trying to
figure stuff out and maybe you'll help
you I don't know
can you stop someone first out is that I
only find women sexually attractive in
porn so maybe that's just my brain being
in sex mode and me being like oh nice
here's a big doubt um because I'm trans
I'm worried that I think I'm attracted
to girls because the idea of being with
a girl I think would make me feel like
more of a man which is ridiculous
because that's not how it works I'm like
I'm kind of small I'm five foot five and
like on average curls is smaller than
guys so like if I was with a girl would
be more likely that I'd be the big one
and that's really stupid so like the
idea of being with the girl does appeal
to me but not in the way that it should
it's kind of just like oh I couldn't be
with a girl because then that makes me
the bigger one which is terrible
terrible way to think for that
fabien trousers and here's a weird one
and I hope it doesn't come across in the
wrong way I feel like the idea of being
bisexual is more rewarding than being
gay which is not true I just want to let
you know this is not true and this is
obviously like an internalized
homophobia thing or maybe it's just like
the way that society treats gay people
but the fact that I don't feel
comfortable like holding my boyfriend's
hand or kissing him in public is like a
gay thing and if it wasn't a gay thing I
think I'd feel more comfortable doing
that I feel like being in a straight
relationship will be easier but only in
the eyes of like society and only in
terms of like acceptance and not feeling
awkward by the way this is like a normal
thing to feel I'm pretty sure because
it's it's just because of how society
treats gay people this doesn't mean that
I hate being gay I'm not ashamed of
being gay at all like being gay to me
isn't the same as being trans to me if
that makes sense like being trans sucks
ass and there is not a single benefit
that I can think of to being trans but
like being gay is just a thing or I'm
just like yeah I like dudes whatever
like the only disadvantages is that
people are weird about it
so like the idea of not having that bias
against me just because of who I love
it's kind of like inviting so in that
way it'll be like oh being with a girl
be cool but I don't think that's what I
want and the final doubt is that I've
never found a woman sexually attractive
in person so it kind of makes like
saying I'm bi
like ridiculous cuz I've never really
experienced that attraction with anybody
other than that so in conclusion what
does this mean so I'm still gonna call
myself gay because that word feels
comfortable and like it makes sense and
also because that's what I know and what
I'm used to and like it fits I have like
no overwhelming desire to call myself by
because like although there's like a 1%
attraction to women it's not like it's
like like relevant also just wanna say
there's nothing wrong with questioning
at all like you can be entirely sure of
one thing one day and the next day
you're like oh wait maybe not and that's
fine obviously that's fine
I think I'm only able to like explore
this aspect of myself now because I'm
more comfortable with myself since
transitioning I could never have even
thought about talking about this to
anyone
or making a video about this ever before
I transitioned but yeah
don't feel pressured to label yourself
the gay youtuber who was pretty sure he
was gay and would always be gay as
questioning so and like it doesn't
really matter you don't really need to
know at all as long as you're like in a
situation where you can be comfortable
with someone I don't know what else to
say that's
my take on this thing I'm gay but also
alright so that's the video it was very
like weird it's a weird video but yeah I
hope you enjoyed it
tell me what you think comment things
tell me your experience with this kind
of stuff but yeah have a good I don't
see you later losers goodbye punch are
those that's quite hard I'm so sorry