>> NBA PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY AND ONE TEAM THAT WON'T BE
PLAYING IS LOS ANGELES LAKERS AND THEIR ROOKIE LONZO BALL.
HERE TO COMMENT IS LONZO'S OUTSPOKEN FATHER, LAVAR BALL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
HOW YOU DOING, MICHAEL? ME?
I'M INCREDIBLE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHAT A YEAR FOR LONZO. >> I MEAN, HE DID FINE.
>> FINE? STOP TALKING OUT YOUR NECK.
MY BOY AVERAGED 50 POINTS A GAME.
>> NO HE DIDN'T. >>100 ASSISTS.
500 TOUCHDOWNS. AND HE WAS JUST CERTIFIED 100%
FRESH BY ROTTEN TOMATOES. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEVER LOST! >> LONZO ACTUALLY AVERAGED 10
POINTS A GAME, MAKING HIM NOT EVEN THE BEST ROOKIE ON HIS OWN
TEAM. KYLE KUZMAN AVERAGED WAY MORE
POINTS THAN THAT. >> MAN, DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT
NO KYLE KUZMAN. HE'S JUST KEEPING THAT SEAT WARM
ON THE BENCH, ON THE LAKER BENCH, UNTIL MY OTHER SONS GET
THERE. LiANGELO, LaMELO, AND MY
LONG-LOST MEXICAN SON LaBIBLIOTHEQUE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NOW NONE OF YOUR OTHER SONS
ARE PROTECTED NBA DRAFT PICKS. >> LIES!
>> I ALSO READ THAT YOU STARTED YOUR OWN LEAGUE FOR YOUNG
PLAYERS CALLED THE JUNIOR BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION.
>> YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. MY OWN LEAGUE.
ONLY REAL BALLERS NEED APPLY. YOU THINK YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES?
THEN BRING YOUR "A" GAME TO TRYOUTS THIS WEEK AT THE FIRST
KOREAN BAPTIST CHURCH IN TEMECULA.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE JBA WILL FEATURE THE FUTURE
ALL-STARS OF AMERICA. >> HAVE ANY OF THE TOP HIGH
SCHOOL PLAYERS SIGNED UP? >> NOT A ONE.
>> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> BUT WE GOT HOT PROSPECTS. WE GOT A KID WHO CAN DRAIN
BUCKETS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
HE'S ATHLETIC. HE'S QUICK.
AND HE'S 51 YEARS OLD. AND HE'S MY COUSIN.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE ALSO GOT A MAILMAN WEARING
COMPRESSION SOCKS. AND A DOMINICAN DISHWASHER IN
BLUE JEANS. AND JUST TO KEEP THINGS
INTERESTING, AN UNCLAIMED ROTTWEILER RUNNING AROUND ALL
WILLY-NILLY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND YOU'RE HOPING THIS LEAGUE WILL BE LIKE THE NBA?
>> OH, IT'S GONNA BE BIGGER THAN THE NBA.
PLAYERS IN MY JBA WILL LIVE THE BIG BALLER LIFESTYLE.
YOU'LL BE TAKEN AROUND THE COUNTRY COURTESY OF PETER PAN
BUS LINES. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHERE YOU WILL STAY AT A HOTEL SO SUPER THEY NAMED IT 8.
[ LAUGHTER ] FREE CABLE.
NO HBO. EVERY ROOM EXITS TO THE STREET.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND A CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST WITH
UP TO THREE CEREALS FRESH FROM THE SCREW TAP.
[ LAUGHTER ] REGULAR MINI WHEATS ONLY, NEVER
FROSTED. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEVER WITH THE FROST. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> STARTING A LEAGUE IS TOUGH, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'LL BE
SUCCESSFUL? >> BECAUSE I'M THE BEST
BUSINESSMAN IN THE WORLD. I AM CURRENTLY WORTH 1 BRILLION
DOLLARS. [ LAUGHTER ]
LET ME SHOW YOU MY LATEST VENTURE, MICHAEL.
SAY YOU GOT A PAIR OF BIG BALLER 02s?
YOU DON'T HAVE THE HOTTEST SHOE OF THE SUMMER.
PRESENTING THE ZO-T-BOP. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ONLY $500 A PAIR. LIGHTWEIGHT.
BREATHABLE. AND WITH A BACK STRAP THAT WILL
LEAVE YOUR HEEL RAW AS HELL. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEVER ENOUGH BAND-AIDS. NEVER ENOUGH BAND TO THE AIDS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THOSE ARE JUST SANDALS.
>> YOU SAY TOMATO, I SAY THIS TOMATO COSTS $500.
[ LAUGHTER ] THESE ARE MORNING SHOES,
MICHAEL, LOOK AT THEM. THE SOLE GETS AS HOT AS THE
DEVIL'S BOOTY HOLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU CAN FRY AN EGG ON THEM. AS A MATTER OF FACT --
[ DING ] THIS ONE IS READY, MICHAEL!
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU WANT TO ADD?
>> SURE. >> THAT WILL BE $6,000.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, LAVAR BALL, EVERYBODY!
>> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪