From anonymous: Hello Tripp, love your content and thought to reach out. In need of some help
with a situation. It's been so hard finding someone to confide in, or someone to write
back with some advice. Hope this finds you well. My issue essentially involves me falling
in love with my best friend, whom I adore not only as my closest friend of almost 20 years,
but have fallen head over heels for and it is killing me. I hate it and wish I could see her
as platonic as I had early on because I know this will only lead to heartache in the end.
I need some help as what to do in this situation. I know she loves me with all of her heart. But
obviously, that is more in line with friendship rather than romantic. Well guys, it looks like
we have a theme on our hands on this episode. He continues, I'm a 38 year old male, she's 35.
We've known each other and have been best friends since high school.
In short, she's now going through a divorce and as one of her closest friends, I've been there for
her through at all, as she has with me in my times of breakups and losing out in a relationship. I
know it sounds like the cheesiest of 80's romantic comedies and highly unrealistic in the real world.
But I just don't know how to handle this. In a perfect world, she would feel the same way. But I
know with women and friends, that it just doesn't happen the way it does in the movies. I don't want
to lose her in any capacity. She means the world to me. But the stress and pain in this situation
is affecting me greatly, especially in the presence of other male attention / dates that
she's receiving. Sorry for the length. Just didn't know who to turn to. Thanks in advance, anonymous.
This is a good question. I have answers. I've answered these questions before. I'm familiar
with the long winded friend-zone situation. Where do I begin? Well, let's just first say this...
you're in denial. You think that there's a chance. And the fact that you think that
there's a chance... and you might not be conscious of it until now that I'm saying it... but the
fact that you think there's a chance is hurting it. I believe that's one of the biggest things.
I think that once you learn, there's not a chance, you can start to mourn the death of the potential
opportunity that you have with this person. There's thought number one. Thought number two
comes with the fact that you are obsessing over someone who doesn't want you
and you're forgetting the cardinal rule of picking out a woman. And it's in my gameplan
in the whole system I've created. And the rule is we don't go for women who have low interest.
You should always be filtering for high level of interest.
And you don't have a high level of interest, you have a very low level of interest. Because it has
nothing to do with your friendship, it has to do with how she sees you sexually and romantically,
and she doesn't. I believe that you need to remember how this works. When it comes to
seeking out what qualifies a woman to be with you is that she has a high level of interest,
that she's interested in you. High level of interest means she's interested in you sexually.
She's interested in you romantically.
You're holding on to this idea. Now, you didn't mention here I think that you tried.
So have you tried? It sounds like you're not because as I'm reading here, you
don't want to ruin your friendship. It just kills me. You said it's killing you. It's killing me to
feel that this is a friendship. It's not a friendship. Do you want to have sex with one
of your male friends and be romantic with them? No, you don't because it's a friendship. Also,
it's because you're not homosexual. But it's also because it's a friendship.
This is not a friendship. This is a girl that you've had a crush on, that you really like,
and you guys know each other very well for 20 years. Here are your options – you need to
either right away, start mourning the death of the possibility between you two,
and you need to start meeting other women who you're going to start to feel really good that
she has sexual interest in you, another new woman, so that you can forget about the idea of being
in some sort of romantic situation with this friend of 20 years. That has to happen. Your
option B is you can try, but I think you know the consequences of that. Either she'll be interested,
which seems like there's a low chance, because she's not gonna want to ruin the friendship.
Or she's not, and the friendships gonna be dead. But it sounds like that doesn't that
doesn't seem to be an option for you. It doesn't sound like you want to have
that be an option. It sounds like you want to keep her as a friend. And if that's the case,
how much better is it going to be to be with someone who has a high level of interest?
And please don't give me that crap about "But Tripp she's got this and that and...."
and the unicorn problem. This girl's different. Well, yes she is different. Every woman
is different from each other. They look different, they act different.
But that doesn't mean she's a unicorn and the fact that she's the only one out
there for you and is going to have all the qualities that you're looking for
with the quality of she has a high level of interest, aka she likes you.
I'm giving you some tough love. I want to beat this out of you. I want to grab your
collar and I want to shake you and I want to say listen man, forget this woman. Forget her.
Forget someone that doesn't see you as someone romantically. You only have so much life left,
you're 38 years old. You got another good 30 years.
Spend that time finding someone who wants to be with you. Mourn the death.
Please, for your own sake, for your health.
For your health. You said here in a perfect world she would feel the same way but I know with women
and friends, that it doesn't happen the way in the movies. That's right. Unfortunately, that's
the way it works. Focus on your life. Stop focusing on her. Get back to your life.