♪♪
[audience cheering]
Oh boy am I excited for this,
my first undercover mission!
Can it, Johnson.
Look, these guys are gonna be here
any minute, all right?
And the only reason you're here
is because you look like this drug dealer's
old delivery girl.
And if it wasn't for that, you'd still be behind a desk.
Okay, well, I'm just feeling grateful either way!
Feeling #blessed.
Okay, you're gonna need to pretend to be a lot more tough.
Oh, I'm tough.
Tough as nails-- as fingernails.
That's the phrase.
[sighs]
Look, you are way too squeaky-clean for this.
Guess you could say that.
Never smoked, never gambled, never drank,
don't even drink soda pop except when I'm sad
and that's never, so.
Okay, look.
These guys are real dangerous criminals, all right?
I've been undercover with them for months.
So just stay silent.
Relax, okay?
I am a little sheltered but I've seen
a lot of crime movies, all right?
Home Alone, Big Hero 6, Space Jam.
We're fine.
[forceful whisper] Silent.
Gangster:
You were supposed to come alone.
Hey, no, hey--
Gangster: Who is this?
Paulie: No, guys, it's cool, I mean--
no, guys, can't you tell
that this is Veronica's sister Jessie?
All right?
She said Veronica told her
all about the delivery system before she was murdered.
She was murdered?
She was murdered.
You do look a lot like her.
Man, were you two twins?
What do you think?
So let's talk about--
Why you talking so much, Paulie?
Let her speak.
Okay.
She c-can talk.
Can you do her job?
Can you stay quiet?
Pff, yeah.
You got your own weapons?
Yup.
Two swords.
Gangster:
They're in my pants.
[audience laughter]
Down the legs.
Okay.
Down both legs.
Are you familiar with our product?
Familiar?
I barely know her.
Oh, shut your face!
I mean, yes.
I know drugs.
So well that they used to have a nickname
back for me in my hometown.
What was that?
They called me drugs.
It wasn't a very creative place.
They used to call my dad drugs.
Really?
Yeah, but then he died.
Oh.
From drugs, which was the name
of the other dude that got him.
Oh!
It's a crazy effect--
All right, let's get back to business!
We all know who took out Veronica.
We need to move on Ricky and his guys.
Jessie, Veronica would give them messages.
What would you do?
Uhh... text.
Email.
Text!
No!
A scary candy gram.
Heh, no, guys, she's just joking.
Gangster: What's funny, man?
What's funny?
Paulie: Nothing's funny.
Something going on?
No, no, no, no, this is serious business!
You guys work hard, okay?
You smuggle, you hook youths, you--
you make the drugs out of dirt and wheat,
I suppose, and you know
what you do?
It's tough beans.
She's right.
It is tough beans.
Yes.
So what will you do with Ricky?
Well, you know what to do.
We kill him and his whole family.
Oh, no, is that what you know?
I don't think so.
Uh-huh, yeah.
We'll do it for Veronica, your sister, yeah.
Yup.
Pour one out for my homie.
[nervous laugh]
[audience laughs]
So we kill Ricky, then what?
Huh?
Then what?
Yup, just need to do the whole thing.
I think you've honored her enough.
Uh, well then you deserve to celebrate.
You know?
Drink all your fancy beverages
that were once grapes.
Oh yeah, fine wine!
That's what we deserve!
Yeah, it's called wine!
Oh, this is nice.
And then, you can go to the city.
And you can gamble all your little plastic circles.
Vegas.
Yeah!
Sounds like a par-- a party.
Woo-hoo.
And then you can come up with tough things
to say to people when you're torturing them,
you know, like, "Wanna play one-on-one, doll?"
Yeah.
Whoa, wait a second.
That's a line from Space Jam.
You're not Veronica's sister, are you?
Paulie: Wait, what?
You guys all have swords?
He doesn't have any swords, he's a snitch!
Why would you tell them?!
That's all, folks.
Oh, I could really use some soda pop right now.
[audience cheering]
Hey guys, thanks so much for watching that sketch.
Thank you!
Please comment below, like this video,
and subscribe to our channel!
Yeah!
I'm really not that sheltered.
Now, you said, "heckacopter."
Yeah.
In the sketch.
That you wrote.
No, I-- that's just-- that's polite
in mixed company.
You said that we should go visit
the Hoover Darn.
Well, you know...