A mid-life crisis can't scare me, Jason Nash.
After my mom's terrible news,
I vowed to empty my urn of regrets
before I fill it back up.
It's clever and symbolic.
These are my second chances.
(phone ringing)
- [Mom] Yeah?
- Mom, learn karate.
If I can earn a karate belt,
maybe dad will think I can actually fight.
- Uh-huh, yeah, sure.
- And then I can kick his ass for walking out on you.
- Jason, we've been over this before.
I left him.
- Let's put it this way.
The only time my dad was there for me
was when he was demeaning me, or denying me affection.
So, quite a bit actually.
The point is, you love me and dad doesn't.
- Sure, you know what?
Can I call you later?
I'm in the middle of something.
Okay, where the fuck is this cat's nose?
- Wah boosh, boosh, ha, boosh, ha!
You're dead, in front of your girlfriend.
Yo, I always wanted to take karate
ever since I saw The Karate Kid.
- Oh, my God, I love The Karate Kid.
Yeah, Ralph Macchio as Danny Larusso is like,
he's so freaking good, like--
- No, no, no, Ralph Macchio?
Hilary Swank is The Karate Kid.
- Honestly, Hilary Swank's not that good.
I mean, she's hot. Sorry, handsome, but--
That's not the original Karate Kid.
- Okay, okay, John.
You are a production intern working for college credit.
I am your elder.
What are you, 14?
- I'm 27.
- Okay, I will find the dojo by myself.
- Going to college late, so.
(energetic music)
(Sensei yells)
- What do you mean you don't have a class for me?
Don't you care that my dad thinks I'm a pussy?
- Sir, I just don't have any adult classes in session.
All I have is a bunch of kids
taking their yellow belt test in a couple days.
- That's perfect, I'll take it.
- No, that wasn't me offering.
- Okay, well, this is me offering.
Nothing in there.
If I were to run to an ATM, would you consider a bribe?
- Well, you can't karate chop your way
out of credit card debt, can you?
(all yelling)
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Can we stop for a second?
This feels just a little useless.
If we were in an actual fight, I mean,
we're not just going to wave our arms around, right?
- Karate is not about fighting.
It's the ancient art of self defense.
- Okay, you guys want to wave your arms
all day like a bunch of idiots,
or do you want to actually learn how to fight
and show our dads that we're worth something?
- [Boy] Yeah, I want to learn how to fight.
- [Girl] Yeah, please.
- [Boy] Yeah.
- See, there you go.
- Okay, great, then you'll help me demonstrate.
- Now? - Now.
Take control here, see?
And then, the takedown.
Now this is a very effective hold
that can do a lot of damage to the wrist and entire arm.
- I'm good.
(Sensei growling)
- [Sensei] How's that?
- It's good.
- [Sensei] Yeah?
- Yeah, but why does it hurt so much?
- [Sensei] You feel your bone?
- [Jason] Yeah.
- Okay, your guys' turn.
Daniel, why don't you start?
Quick forward punch, ready?
- I think sensei said it best.
Karate is the ancient art of self defense.
And he put me in this position
as a test to self defend myself.
- [Sensei] Ready, one, two, three.
(boy coughs)
- You've been Swank-ed, bro!
(boy crying)
You've been Swank-ed!
Hey, what the hell?
Does my money mean nothing to you?
- You chopped a nine year old in his throat.
I have to go talk to his dad about his throat.
- Okay, well-- - Get out.
- Jesus.
- Get out, leave!
- Guys, you gotta go.
Come on, let's get out of here.
What's with that guy?
I don't know, John.
I'm never going to prove myself to my father.
- This isn't over, Jason.
Think of The Karate Kid movies.
They made an amazing first film,
but then killed the brand with two and three.
But that didn't stop them from reviving
the series with none other than Hilary Swank.
You could be Hilary Swank.
If you just realize this is for you
and not about your father.
The thing about fatherhood is--
- Okay, if it'll get you to shut up, I'll call my dad.
- I just feel like you weren't
even listening to what I just said.
- Give me my phone. - Yeah.
- Yeah, and then sensei George kicked me out.
I mean, I just wanted to take the test.
Yeah.
- I had to listen to a one hour phone call with his dad.
And he would not let me leave the room.
- I mean, I guess if you have to.
Okay, yeah, bye.
Unbelievable.
(energetic music)
Wow, my dad took the red-eye to LA last night
to talk shit about me with the sensei.
That is so typical of him.
Any opportunity to make me look like crap.
Shit, he's coming, he's coming.
- I talked to your sensei for you.
He's going to let you take the test today,
and I get to watch you take it.
And don't worry, if you don't pass,
I'm still proud of you for trying.
- Okay, so you don't care if I pass.
- That's not what I said.
- Jason.
Just wanted to say you're a really
lucky guy to have a dad like that.
- Oh, okay, well, you didn't have to grow up with him.
- Uh, uh, uh.
(Clair de Lune plays)
- [Sensei] Focus, feel powerful.
Very good.
(all yelling)
Turn it around, keep it close.
Close that up.
Dizzy sensei, very good.
(all yelling) Three, four,
five, six, seven.
(girl yells)
(parents applauding)
- [Jason] (yells) Okay.
- Yeah, you got this.
(Jason screams)
Yeah, you got this.
(Jason screaming)
(Jason cries)
You know what?
The wood is optional.
I think you get your yellow belt, congratulations.
- Oh, really? - You did great.
- Oh! - Yes.
You're welcome, guys.
I changed the rules around here.
(energetic music)
- I'm proud of you, son.
You wanted something, you put your mind to it,
and you saw it through.
- Wow, for the first time,
I feel like you actually love me.
- Well, I'm glad you finally feel that way.
- Let's do a handshake.
- Oh, yeah, the board, the board.
All right, get in gentle, get in gentle.
You know what?
Don't put your hand on the dash, it's hot.
- Can we get ice cream? - Yeah.
- Today, I graduated from karate kid to karate son.
Karate learned (yells).
Oh shit, who put that lamp there?
- [Dad] Give me your hand, JJ.
- Dad, stop.
- [Dad] Honey!
- I got it, get out!
- [Dad] I was trying to help him.
- [Jason] Geez, you're so embarrassing.
(gentle music)