- I just felt like
I was in the weirdest time of my life imaginable.
You know what I mean?
I kind of saw everything that had been in my life
and everything that was gonna be in my life.
I accepted the bad parts of me,
I celebrated the good parts of me
and I came to terms with the things
that were completely out of my control.
The pain, heartbreak,
euphoria, adrenaline, everything was just a beautiful weird.
My grandad sold his house in the UK
and wanted to retire in Spain.
I wrote the song on the roof of me grandad's house.
I was crying my eyes out when I was writing this song,
the whole process,
because it was this thing
where I just couldn't put down the pen.
I was healing myself,
everything was weird and bizarre,
but I was realizing that,
do you know what?
It's all gonna be all right in the end.
A lot of this recording,
to keep it naive, the acoustics,
and some of the vocals and a lot of stuff
is recorded on a voice note.
In a lot of the synths,
we recorded them into the system
and played them back into a voice note
and then put them back in the system.
So it gave it this lo-fi feel
that had this magic towards it.
And since the beginning of time,
everybody, every single human being's
been 15 different people at once,
completely full of contradictions.
But we're the first generation
that's been like,
it's all right to be who you are.
Do you know what I mean?
Because some days I wanna wear a skirt
and some days I wanna be in a suit,
and some days I wanna play hiphop
and some days I wanna play rock.
But it's all right because that's just weird
and that's just who I am.
That's what I wanted the music to feel like,
like an episode of Skins in a song.
It's like you're up at an ungodly hour,
like five a.m.,
you can't sleep,
I'm on a tour bus,
I'm thinking about Jesus.
The things that keep you up have no relation
to a lot of things.
You're like, why am I thinking about this right now?
And you're checking your phone
and you're going,
I've gotta be up at eight,
I've got four hours to sleep.
An hour later,
I've got three hours to sleep.
An hour later,
I've got two hours to sleep.
An hour later,
oh, I may as well just get up now
because I've been thinking about Jesus or bubblegum
or shortbread biscuits all night.
You know what I mean?
You're like, what?
It's that feeling when you wake up in the morning
and you've been kicked in the stomach,
and it's so tight and you don't know why
because everything's going good.
But I don't know why,
I can't get out of this hole of anxiety
that is just crippling my tummy.
That's about shutting yourself off from the world
and staying in bed
instead of facing what's on around you
because you're scared of what everyone else is gonna say.
The remedy's over there and I don't wanna face it
because it's gonna make me face myself
and it's gonna make me face my insecurities
and it's gonna make me face the damage
that has been before.
And it's the enemy,
so I keep pushing it away and pushing it away,
and pushing it away and pushing it away.
And you hide this self-deprecation up in your sleeve
because you don't wanna face the bad things about yourself.
You hide and you keep these friends
who are gonna be there for the wrong reasons,
or the people around you who are gonna talk
for the wrong reasons
because it's what you wanna hear.
The sea is rocky as hell,
but we're all in the same boat and rowing together,
trying to get to a finish line,
wherever that may be.
So just hold my hand and be in this mental,
weird, crazy, twisted, topsy-turvy,
upside down state of life with me
because I am with you and you are with me,
and we're in this together.
I referenced Glasgow because I love Scotland,
I love Glasgow,
it's one of my favorite places on the earth.
The people there are so outspoken and fiery,
and it's amazing.
And the thing about it is,
I had this image in my head,
and for this whole second verse I was balling my eyes out
like a baby.
As I said,
I was looking back,
I've looked back,
and now this second verse is me looking forward.
And going, what do I want out of my life?
What do I wanna do before I die?
And I saw this image of a couple in Fred Perry
looking indie as hell
on the back of a rainy bus.
And when the condensation gets so hot inside
because it's so cold outside,
all we can do is be soaking wet in our Fred Perry,
smelling a bit like cigarettes with our earphones,
listening to our favorite music.
That's the kinda love I want.
It stemmed from where I kinda nearly lost my mom,
and my mom was in a really bad car accident
a couple of years ago with my baby sister.
And luckily she survived,
but she shouldn't have.
I remember the doctor was like,
"We can't believe you're alive,
let alone walking."
It kind of mentally prepared me,
one day my parents are gonna die.
When stark times happen,
the sun will rise again the next day.
I am gonna watch my parents die one day,
my kids are gonna watch me die.
Their kids are gonna watch them die,
and then so on and so on.
And that's just the cycle of life.
It's about cutting the bad parts of your life,
accepting the bad parts of your life,
accepting the bad parts of yourself.
And kind of figuring out what is gonna be right for you
and what's gonna be the right formula for you.
And I kind of,
it was one of my favorite lyrics I've ever written, this,
because I thought it was clever
how I set it up there and then figured it out.
It's the journey of my train of thought
when I was writing the lyric,
and this is the payoff.
This is the resolution,
this is what the whole song means.