-Many of us this year have had to adjust
to new working conditions, which in a lot of cases
includes working remotely, and while I can appreciate
we're still learning to navigate this,
recently, one of my writers, Mike Scollins,
committed the cardinal sin of working from home --
he wore a tank top to a Zoom meeting.
Here to talk about it is that writer -- Mike Scollins.
Mike, how you doing? -I've been better.
-Is it because we made fun of you relentlessly
for wearing a tank top on Zoom?
-What happened to me was not making fun.
It was an assault.
-Was it really that bad?
-I don't know.
Let's see an artist's rendering of the day in question.
I don't remember my arms being quite that scrawny.
Thanks a lot, graphics department.
-I mean, I wouldn't say it's inaccurate.
-Okay, just take it down.
I'd like to run through a list of my so-called friends on staff
and see what they have to say.
This is head writer Alex Baze.
When I explained I was wearing a tank top
'cause I thought I was in the Zoom waiting room,
he said, "Do you mean the Zoom weight room?"
-Oh, that's a great burn.
-They're all great burns. The quality of the burns
is not what this is about.
This is Karen Chee.
She's 4'11", but turns out she can still dunk on me.
When I defended the tank and said I thought it was nice,
she said, "If you like it so much,
why'd you cut the sleeves off?"
-Good one, Chee.
-Well, guess what, Karen? You went to Harvard,
and I went to Manhattan College, and we have the same job.
Now who makes bad decisions?
-I mean, she got the job,
like, right out of college though.
-Bryan Donaldson, shown here in a screen grab
from "To Catch a Predator" said, "If you like it so much,
why didn't you buy the rest of it?"
It's the only question he's ever asked besides,
"Have you tried resetting the router?"
Mike Shoemaker.
-Oh, come on, that is not Mike Shoemaker.
-Similar vibe though. Similar vibe.
Ally Hord.
She texted, "Getting attacked is the pits,"
a clear reference to my visible armpit hair.
-Ally Hord from the top rope!
-Be glad it was over Zoom, Ally, 'cause I use
Tom's of Maine deodorant, and the way it works is, it doesn't.
Also, if you're wondering why she's smiling in that photo,
it was taken the minute she found out Tom Hanks had COVID.
-That is not true.
-Sounds true though.
Next! Amber Ruffin!
She decided to take my tank top burns national.
Let's see what she had to say.
-I'm not going to name names, but obviously someone --
-Mike Scollins!
-Showed up on Zoom in a tank top.
-[ Laughs ]
-You were supposed to be promoting your show, Amber!
That's not why you were invited on.
-It's partially why she was invited on.
-That brings me to you, Seth.
Roll the clip, Wally.
-Scollins, I do cue cards.
-You, too? Seriously?
Somebody roll it.
-I mean, look at your outfit.
You look like Mike Scollins in a Zoom meeting.
-Unbelievable!
That's not even the type of tank I like.
Those sleeves are clearly cut. -Uh-huh.
-Well, Seth, you know what else could use some clear cuts?
"A Closer Look."
-You about finished, pal? -Nope.
Seth, do you know why I wear a tank top on Zoom?
-I don't know. 'Cause you don't think things through?
-I wear a tank top on Zoom for the little kid watching at home
who clearly does not have the arms
to pull something like that off, but he does it anyway.
-Sorry. How is a kid watching our Zoom meeting?
-I do it for the little kid in the Midwest who, all his life,
has been told he needs to hide his weird chest hair.
-What little kid has chest hair?
-I don't know. He's like Italian.
-Scollins. -Seth, tank tops
aren't just for lifeguards or stepdads
or guys who want you to know, "If you can read this,
my old lady fell off."
They're for Scollins' and Karnells' --
-Another writer who wears tank tops but gets a free pass.
-And, of course, the folks who just don't feel like
getting dressed for a Zoom meeting, God bless them.
-Okay, Mike, I hate to cut you off --
-Was that a -- -It was.
-All right. We're done here. We're done.
-Hey, Mike?
-Yeah?
-Tanks!
-I hate you.
-Mike Scollins, ladies and gentlemen!