- Unpopular opinion, actually popular opinion
just unpopular publicly declared sentiment.
Getting married is not that much fun.
(crowd cheers and applause) You're not allowed to say that,
especially if you're a woman, God forbid,
over 30, like, well your just lucky that
the Lord sent you someone.
(crowd laughs)
To put up with your shit.
Kissing your dog on the mouth, stop taking videos.
(crowd laughs)
There is a world where you can admit
that something is difficult,
but also love the byproduct of it.
I love my husband, but the wedding part is exhausting,
it is a physical and mental and financial, just gauntlet.
Even down to the last minute, the wedding itself,
the whole year is exhausting planning it,
it's fun, you love your Mom (choking).
(crowd laughs) But it's a whole thing.
But even just the day of, let's talk about the day of,
what happened on the day of your wedding, girls? Right?
You had to prepare for it, like you woke up early,
I just wanna greet the sun.
(crowd laughs)
Got up at like six, like when your dad gets up.
(crowd laughs)
Up, right? What you meditated?
I just wanna be centered, right?
You worked out like it matters day of, it doesn't.
It doesn't, you're not gonna lose any weight at the buzzer.
It's not gonna (screams) no.
(crowd laughs) It's never gonna happen.
What did you do?
You did your little workout,
and then you got your make up done and your nails
and a massage, and a colonic and a hyperbaric chamber
and a hyperbolic chamber, "oh cause then I'm amazing."
and who got a situation room and a silence cone,
and a shame corner, and a Reiki healing,
and you went ghost hunting, you did all these stuff.
(crowd laughs)
What did you husband do on your wedding day?
I'll tell you, he woke up like whenever,
went out to eat with his buddies,
"Something tasty, doesn't matter if I'm fat,
cause I'm a funny guy."
(crowd laughs)
Who cares if it's bloated?
Right? Then he went and got a haircut
on the day of the wedding, are you kidding me?
(crowd laughs)
(screams)
What faith you have in this barber?
(crowd laughs)
Went out, had a drink, went home, jerked off,
took a dump, who says you can't lose weight, right fellas?
(crowd laughs)
Who says you can't lose weight the day of?
(crowd laughs)
Probably about 500 grams.
(crowd laughs)
He took a nap, he woke up to an alarm labeled
"Wedding for you?"
He barely made it.
(crowd laughs)