There's actually a process to falling in love; it's called the
love path. I will teach you what it is in this video, and it will
help answer the question, why do you love someone? And also, be
sure that you stick around until the end of this video. Because
if you are married and wanting to fall more in love or back in
love with your spouse, then we have a free mini-course to learn
how to fall back in love with your spouse if love has been
lost, just for you. And don't forget to like this video,
subscribe to the Marriage Helper channel, and hit the bell, so
you don't miss when we post new content.
Love isn't happenstance. And you don't have a soulmate out there
that you are just waiting to connect with that one person. It
doesn't have to do with your horoscopes or the alignment of
the stars and moon. But why is it? Why do you love someone?
Because you followed a process, whether you knew it or not, that
led you to fall in love with them because there is actually a
process, a path, to falling in love. And if you follow the
process, then you can fall in love or more in love. But if you
stop following the process, you can fall out of love, even if
you don't mean to. So, what is this process? At Marriage
Helper, we call it the love path, and the first part of it
is attraction.
The first step of falling in love is attraction. It draws us
closer to the other person. There are actually four parts of
attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, and
spiritual. We call it the PIES of attraction. I won't go
further into that in this video, but I do expand more on the PIES
in the free mini-course. What you need to know is that is
where falling in love starts. The second part is acceptance,
and acceptance is about a craving for caring. Does this
person truly care about me? That's what we are wondering in
this part of the love path. Do they love me for me, or do they
love me for who they want me to be? I was listening to a woman
speak at a women's conference the other day who recalled a
college relationship where her boyfriend told her I love you
for who you have the potential to be. We are all appalled by
that; you would never say that to someone, I hope. But how we
treat someone and the actions and behaviors we have towards
them may actually be saying that to someone. Every time we say I
love you, but. Or every time we say I love you, but if you would
just talk more, or have a different personality, or be
different, what you're telling that person is I don't love or
accept you completely as you are. That doesn't mean that
there aren't places that those that we love can grow and
change. But can we love and accept that person as they are
now before the change happens, and even if it doesn't?
As the psychologist Carl Jung says, when we love others as
they are, they begin to change. Why? Because we only feel free
to explore change when we first know we are securely loved.
Which leads us to stage three, attachment. There's a lot of
buzz around attachment styles right now. But here's the bottom
line of 30-plus years of psychological research.
Attachment boils down to one thing, will you be there for me
when I need you? Will you physically be there to hug me
when I need you? Will you intellectually be there to talk
to me when I need you? Will you emotionally be there to comfort
me when I need you? Will you spiritually be there to support
me when I need you? Will you be there for me? This is what leads
to lasting commitment in a marriage. We go into marriage
valuing commitment; we stay in marriage when we know that the
other person is committed to us to show commitment through being
there, bottom line. Which leads us to the fourth stage, which is
aspiration. This is the stage of the love path that many couples
never even get to. It takes having a strong foundation first
because it's all about building shared dreams and shared values
together. What are you going to do as a couple to pull you
together when life tries to rip you apart? Aspirations keep you
focused on a vision and future for your marriage when life
doesn't go the way you intended. And it's powerful for keeping
your marriage happy, healthy, and satisfying, and most
importantly, getting you to stay on the love path. So my question
to you right now is which part of the love path resonates most
with you? Where are you stuck? Where do you have an opportunity
to grow? Share in the comments, and also share this video with a
friend because all of us need to know more about the love path.
Okay, let's talk about that free mini-course. It expands more
into all of these areas of how to fall in love, more in love,
or back in love with your spouse, and you can go through
the whole thing in less than 30 minutes. So click the link on
the screen to access that free mini-course, and then, also,
stick around for the next video where I will be talking about
the four parts of attraction. I'll talk more about those PIES
that I already mentioned in this video. So, just right-click that
mini-course, so it pops up in a different tab, and I'll see you
in the next video.