Chasing versus pursuing a woman
the real reason why bad boys so often win
and good guys so often don't.
So, the main but critical difference
between chasing versus pursuing a woman
is in your mindset and level of neediness.
And whether or not you feel
and then therefore act needy
depends on whether or not
you feel consciously or unconsciously
that your value is higher than the same as
or lower than her value.
The actions of chasing versus pursuing a woman
may look similar sometimes on the surface.
But it's the underlying mindset and attitude
that will mostly influence whether or not
you are chasing or pursuing a woman of interest.
And when you distinguish
yourself as a man in pursuit
she will see you through
a more attractive lens even more so
than if you were acting like a bad boy.
By the end of this video you'll understand
why women are attracted to bad boys
and often stay with them
even after they've discovered
that they're not that nice to be with after all.
You'll also find out
what a woman absolutely needs
in order to be with you.
So, if you're new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen
welcome to just the tip Tuesday.
So, we're going to go through pursuing first
and then chasing.
So, you can distinguish
which areas you're more likely in
or which traits you're more likely displaying.
And then I’m going to give you some suggestions
for if you are chasing.
What to do to get yourself
in a mindset of pursuit
instead of chasing. Pursuing.
One, you know your value as a man
and while you're still attracted to her
your value, your self-worth is not influenced
by her perception of you
or of her perception of your worth.
Two, you never take rejection personally
because you know there are other fish in the sea.
Three, you know no woman is out of your league
and you are actually pursuing her to find out
if she's good enough for you,
to see if she meets your standards.
Four, you don't try to convince her
or anyone of your value
because you know your value.
Now, you also know if you're in pursuit mode
if she initiates at least 50% of the time.
Unless she's very high value
and has high standards in which case
you might let it slip down to 30% of the time.
But she would have to be really high value
and have a busy life for you
to accept that kind of exchange.
Six, she makes time for you.
Seven, she either doesn't cancel or postpone
or if she absolutely must
she apologizes, she reschedules,
she tells you why.
And bonus point
if she really tries to make it up to you.
Along the same lines is number eight,
she replies in a timely fashion.
Now, this is like
Well, what's timely?
It all depends on what your
natural flow of communication has been
and you will know when it's been timely
or when it's been extended.
At the same time you know you're in
pursuit versus chasing
if you don't change your plans to be with her
you stick to your commitments
even if those commitments
aren't with other people.
They're just commitments you've made
to yourself like going to the gym,
or studying for a test,
or doing something to improve your career skills.
You don't flake out on yourself
or anyone else to spend time with her.
Ten, you always leave the ball in her court.
So, what do I mean by this
best explain with an example.
So, let's say she actually does cancel on you
regardless of her excuse
instead of continuously chasing her down
to find out if she's ready yet or available yet
or if her schedule's opened up yet.
You'll leave the ball in her court
by saying hey, no problem
get back to me when your schedule's opened up
and then you leave it at that
and wait here for her.
Because remember pursuing
does not mean constant contact.
11, you only say yes to her
if it aligns with your beliefs,
values and goals and desires.
Now, that's not to say you don't care
but you're just not attached big difference
you're not emotionally invested in the outcome.
So, you know how women
we're always talking about self-care.
Well, often times women don't actually
take very good care of themselves
and we do tend to be givers.
Believe it or not I mean there's some definitely
some very selfish narcissistic women out there.
And I’m not talking about those women
I’m talking about the good ones.
So, if women are allowed to have self-care
then you're allowed to have self-care too
because if you don't take care of yourself
first, you're not going to be able to help
take care of anybody else in your world.
And high value women instinctively
know this and respect this.
12, you make yourself happy
because you self-validate
and I talk about this more in my
what makes a real man series.
So, I will definitely link
that at the end for you.
13, you don't need, need her attention
or affection to feel good.
And you unhesitatingly accept no means no
because it simply doesn't faze you.
Some of these are going to make a bit more sense
once we go through the list on what chasing looks like.
So, just stick with me here.
14, you make your romantic intentions
toward her clear.
And you act on them with boldness,
fearlessness, and assertiveness/
For example, you might say
Ashley, you know you're a beautiful woman
and you know I want to take you on a date,
but if you're going to be stuck
and playing hard to get
I’m going to have to say yes to Jessica.
So, you're setting your standards
you're telling her there's
somebody else is going to take her place
but the same time you were also letting her know
you want her and you want to take her on a date.
15, you see her
for what she really is flaws in all
and you accept the flaws
that don't dis-align with your values.
That don't really matter that much to you
you're okay with her flaws.
But you actually see them
but at the same time
you handle bad behavior effectively
and know when to walk away
when there are real red flags.
So, you probably want to watch some of the videos.
If you have trouble with this
you'll want to watch some of the videos
in my red flags play list
and in my handling
tests playlist.
I will link those at the end
or below or somewhere.
16, again along the same lines
is you maintain emotional control of yourself
even when she's misbehaving or freaking out
yes, you're going to handle that.
But you don't lose control of your emotions
and react instead you respond
in a masculine alpha way.
I've shared those in other videos on how to do that
because you are the king of the jungle.
17, you never fear losing her
even if you don't want to lose her
even if you want to keep her
you don't actually fear losing her.
Because you know
that you have plenty of other options good options
and or you know,
that you could have plenty of other good options.
18, you never have negative feelings
towards your communication or interactions.
Even when she's misbehaving
you think it's amusing but you handle it.
And I'll,
the flip side of this is going to
make a lot more sense when we get to it.
And again, along those lines number 19 is
you find her tests cute
or amusing even though you handle them
effectively by either
schooling her or walking away.
Okay, so now we're going to look at
what the opposite of this might look like
when you're actually chasing
a woman versus pursuing her.
And what you might be doing
that is turning her off
or pushing her away.
Now, if you see yourself in this next list
then I invite you to go back
and watch the first list again
and try to do those things.
And I’m going to give you some extra tips
just the tip at the end.
Chasing, what does chasing look like?
Well, in general one,
you're constantly trying
to prove your worth to her
either in words or logic.
Because you don't feel you're worthy of her
you feel her value is higher than yours.
Two, you take it personally
when you're rejected
I think there's something wrong with you.
Three, you hope and pray
that she doesn't discover
she's out of your league,
which means you believe she's out of your league.
Four, you use logic to try to convince her.
Women are not logical
and that's not how women work.
More specifically number five
you always initiate communication.
Six, she rarely or never makes time for you.
Seven, she cancels plans
or flakes out on you regularly without apology.
She may even ditch you
for other guys or even friends.
Eight, when she doesn't reply to your texts
you keep texting her
don't do that at least wait a few days.
Nine, you change plans to accommodate her.
So, you'll be the one ditching other people
just to make time for her
because she never makes time for you.
Ten, you keep the ball in your court.
So, going back to the original example,
when she cancels plans instead of saying
hey, get back to me when your schedule opens up.
You keep trying to get in touch with her
to try and make plans
are you available this Wednesday?
Or how about next week? Or how about on the weekend?
Or hey how are you doing?
Are you ready to get together yet?
Very needy, hear those sirens
very needy and her internal sirens are going off
saying needy, needy, needy.
11, you are prematurely
overly invested emotionally in her
and your interactions with her.
12, you are afraid to say no to her
because you are worried that will turn her off
and make her pull away.
13, you seek approval and validation from her
and put your happiness in her hands
and out of your own control
hint that's like a little boy needing his mommy
please don't do that.
For example, you constantly
seek her opinion, feedback, advice on choices
that you need to make for yourself in your life.
14, you plead or beg for her attention
either overtly or covertly
you may even act in a passive-aggressive way
like I really want to see you that's overt.
Passive-aggressive would be
well, don't you want to see me ever?
We asked that? No actually.
I know I’m sorry guys this is hard
this is difficult for you I know it is
and everybody not everybody
but a lot of guys do some of these things.
So, just work on what you can do.
Okay, here's some more ready? Okay let's do this.
15, and this is what a lot of what guys do.
You try to play the nice guy role
to win her affection
but you don't make
your intentions clear and forthright
that you're interested in her romantically.
So, you do things with her
but you have the secret agenda
that she's supposed to pick up on.
But you're not actually saying anything
you're just hoping that those nice things
that you do for her
are going to magically make her like you
and when she doesn't react
or respond the way you want.
Sometimes you act out in passive-aggressive ways
like maybe by ignoring her texts
for extended periods of time.
Or pouting or being sarcastic
or kind of mean-spirited toward her.
Now, if this one resonated with you
then you're definitely going to want to watch
my nice guy playlist.
Because if you're too nice
but for the wrong reasons
then it's definitely going to backfire
and again, I'll link that as well.
16, you instead of dealing with her bad behavior
you ignore her bad behavior
and or make excuses for her bad behavior.
Because you have put her on a pedestal
and you're ignoring red flags.
If you put her on a pedestal
she will look down on you,
which brings us to number 17.
You are pee whipped
and have your balls in her purse
(Laughs)
trying to fulfill her every desire and need
and putting up with bad behavior and cranky moods
because you lack emotional control
#sappypuppy #needyboy.
Now, don't worry
lots of guys do these things
we're going to give you solutions.
18, you absolutely fear losing her
because you don't have any other options.
And you don't trust yourself
to be able to create other options.
19, you often have negative
and or frustrated feelings
after or during your interactions with her
because you're not making progress.
She's not giving you what you want.
So, what can you do about this.
Okay, the best way to go from a boy chasing
to a man in pursuit is to increase
your sexual market value.
But that's not even the most important thing
a woman needs to be with you.
I'll share that in a minute.
But increasing your sexual market value
does have the effect of increasing your value.
Because it increases your self-respect,
which increases your confidence
and of course confidence is very attractive
and confidence is going to make you show up
a whole lot differently with her
than when you're lacking
confidence and self-worth.
So, definitely watch my video
on how to increase your sexual market value.
To do that one of the things
women find attractive
and need from a man...
This is not the most important thing though
is a man's ability to be capable and effective.
And a lot of guys always put in the comments
that you know women are looking for money.
Money just happens to be
a very obvious proof
of capability and effectiveness.
Now, there are lots of other ways
to prove capability and effectiveness
and that's what you're going to learn
in the video on increasing
your sexual market value.
Because if you only think it's about money
and you only go for money
then you're never going to know
if the girl who's interested in you
is there just for the money.
There are women who are only
interested in money obviously.
But probably the woman
you're interested in are not gold diggers.
So, if you want a high value woman
then you want to work
on increasing your general
market value not just in money.
And the true bottom line...
And then I'll tell you the one main thing
the true bottom line for
a woman to be able to be interested in you
is one, she's ready for you or a relationship.
And two, she sees you as worthy,
which means you need to see yourself as worthy
and you need to actually be worthy.
That doesn't discount the fact
that you need to see if she's worthy.
Key point, she has to be worthy.
Okay, now you've stuck with me all this time
I’m going to give you the one main thing
what's the one main thing
that a woman needs to be able to choose you
it's her choice that's the main thing.
When a woman convinces herself
that she's made the right choice
in saying yes to you.
Allowing you to come into her life
this is why they often stick with bad boys.
They will have a difficult time
changing their mind after the fact
it becomes about confirmation bias.
So, whatever we've put enough investment into
whether it's intellectual, emotional whatever
when we've decided it's our choice
we're choosing you not you just choosing us.
Then we want to make it work we want to be right
and everybody has this in them
they want to be right.
And that's why women usually
are attracted to the bad boys
because they have these alpha masculine
qualities of pursuing versus chasing.
But then once they're in
they have a hard time allowing themselves
to admit that they made the wrong choice
being with a bad boy.
I haven't said thank you in a while
and I really appreciate it.
I finally made it to the
chocolate place on granville island
yay, I'd show you what I bought
but I ate them all.
Okay, see you next time.
(Music)