- If you've ever been ghosted
or if you're being ghosted right now,
my heart goes out to you
because it is an emotionally brutal experience.
You know, if someone ghosts you, we're left wondering
what happened?
Where did things go wrong?
Things were going so well and you just disappeared.
Did you die?
Did you fall off the face of the earth?
Did you fall in love with somebody else?
Like, what happened?
So if you're going through that experience,
today, I'm gonna share with you exactly something
that you can say that will shift the emotion for you
and help bring you back to this place of peace.
And I promise you, it is nothing that you expect.
Check it out.
(playful music)
Hey there, my name's Mat Boggs
and I am the founder of our Love & Relationship division
here at the Brave Thinking Institute
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love.
And that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, I encourage you
to click that subscribe button
and click that little bell
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
And today we're talking about ghosting,
particularly because one of my clients this last week
in the Manifest Your Man program brought this up
and she goes, I was dating this guy,
we were dating for literally three weeks,
hanging out, talking all the time,
and then just...
It was like he up and vanished,
he up and disappeared.
And I don't know if I should text him back.
I don't know how hard I should pursue.
I don't know why he ghosted me.
And I could tell she was just in pain.
Like her heart was broken
because things had been going so well.
And I gave her a framework that completely shifted
her emotional experience.
And I've gone through this myself.
I shared with her a story.
I said, yeah, I know exactly how painful that is.
In fact, I had an extreme example of this
as I was dating a woman that I moved to Southern California
to actually pursue this 'cause I thought
she was my person.
I thought she could be my wife.
And I was so in love with her
and I went on a business trip and I came back,
and with no warning whatsoever,
she moved out.
We literally lived in apartments
that were like a block from one another.
I walk over to her place,
she wasn't picking up her phone,
she wasn't answering.
I was like, well, that's weird.
I walk over to her place,
and her apartment is literally dark.
And I went up to the window
and all the furniture had been moved out.
This woman literally left town with no word.
I didn't know if she had been kidnapped.
I assumed not.
I mean, I didn't know what had happened.
I was like, oh my gosh.
And my heart splintered into a thousand pieces.
It was so painful to just not know,
to have that uncertainty.
And so I developed this particular method
and I wanna share it with you
because in those really painful moments,
how can you bring yourself to a sense of peace?
Ultimately, I would find out what happened for her
and why she went through what she went through.
And the point is it doesn't actually matter.
What matters is what I was able to do for myself
to bring myself back to a place of peace
and that's what I wanna share with you
because you have that power within you.
And the first realization is to know
that our thoughts create our feelings.
So the direction that you lead your thoughts
when someone ghosts you,
you have a choice of what you're gonna think.
And most people start saying things to themselves
that lead them down a dark road of depression.
They start saying things like, well, what did I do wrong?
Where did I go wrong in this relationship?
What if I must not be enough for this person
otherwise they would've contacted me?
They would say things like, this person,
our entire connection was a lie.
Our entire relationship was based on a lie, right?
Because, well clearly, if he could just drop me this easily
then everything he said about how much he was into me
and our connection, he was lying to me.
And then they'll extrapolate that.
Here's another example of how men are liars.
And if you're not careful,
you will ride that thought train
all the way down to Depressionville
and you will stay there,
because our thoughts create our feelings.
When you start asking questions like what's wrong with me?
Your subconscious mind goes to work
and it starts feeding you all the ways
in which you might not measure up
and that is a toxic thought pattern
and that will destroy you emotionally.
It will destroy your momentum and love.
It will bring you down in all areas of your life.
And so the first step is to begin to notice
that him ghosting you has nothing to do with you
and says everything about him.
Him ghosting you has nothing to do with you
and everything to do with him.
What that means is you wouldn't choose a man
who has that kind of communication
to be a life partner with,
you are choosing a man who is integrous,
who communicates openly and honestly,
who has the guts enough to have a real, open conversation
about what they want and what they don't want.
Ghosting is cowardly.
Ghosting is for cowards.
It's people who don't have the courage to really talk to you
about what's going on in their life
in a vulnerable, open way.
So here's what you know,
their actions mean that that must not be your man.
And so I wanna share with you four empowered thoughts,
things that you can say to yourself.
This isn't something that you say to him.
There may be one day you'll have an opportunity
to have a conversation with him,
you don't need that for closure.
You don't need that to heal yourself emotionally.
You don't need that to get yourself back on track.
You are 100% empowered to take charge of your life,
to fill your own self up emotionally
and to move forward regardless of what happens
with that relationship.
And these four statements can really empower you.
So the first one is, their actions speak
to who they are, not who I am.
Their actions speak to who they are, not who I am.
Second phrase, this must not be my person.
Therefore, this must not be my person.
The third phrase is, their rejection is God's protection.
I really believe that, their rejection is God's protection.
Like, oh my gosh, thank you for revealing who you are now
so that I don't waste years of my life
with a person who can't communicate.
So their rejection is God's protection.
And here's the fourth statement that you say to yourself,
the best is yet to come.
The best is yet to come.
You want to infuse that belief in yourself.
If a relationship doesn't work out,
it means, therefore, the best is yet to come.
See, I don't believe in a God
that would put something worse in store for us.
If something doesn't work out, there's only two options,
something better or something worse.
I do not believe we live in a universe with a God
that would have something worse for you.
I just don't believe it.
So therefore that must be something better for you.
And if you really let yourself believe that,
the person you were dating, you were dating
'cause you liked him.
You were dating 'cause they were sexy, they were fun,
they had all kinds of qualities you liked.
If there's someone even better in store for you,
if you really believed that, how would you feel?
And what if you believed that he
was right around the corner, how would you feel?
You'd feel this sense of lightness,
this sense of excitement, this sense of okay, possibilities.
So those are what you want to infuse in your mind.
That's what you want to tell yourself
because when you think those thoughts,
you generate those feelings of empowerment,
you generate those feelings of expansion.
You take yourself to a much more empowered place
than when you think thoughts like, what's wrong with me?
So again, that ghosting speaks to who he is,
not who I am.
This must not be my person.
Their rejection is God's protection.
And the best is yet to come.
Here's my question for you.
What do you do if someone ghosts you?
You can say next, forget them.
What are some of the things that you say
to yourself that help you restore your feeling of peace,
help you restore that feeling of I'm ready
to move forward in my life?
What are some things you say to yourself?
Go ahead and post those in the comments section below
this is going to be a rich, powerful mastermind
of really empowered thoughts that can move us forward
when we're in that experience.
And know this, I really do believe for you,
the best is yet to come.
Even if you're in a relationship,
that relationship can grow, become closer and deeper.
And if you're not yet in a relationship,
the best is yet to come.
I see that for you.
I feel that for you.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)