>> Stephen: WELL, FOLKS, WE ARE STILL GETTING TO KNOW
NEWLY HIRED WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR AND MAN
WHO'S "WALKING HERE," ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI.
EEEH!
THIS MORNING, HE DESCRIBED WHAT KIND OF GUY HE IS ON "FOX &
FRIENDS."
>> WHAT I DON'T LIKE ABOUT WASHINGTON IS PEOPLE DO NOT LET
YOU KNOW HOW THEY FEEL.
THEY'RE VERY NICE TO YOUR FACE, AND THEN THEY TAKE A SHIV OR A
MACHETE, AND THEY STAB IT IN YOUR BACK.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
I'M A WALL STREET GUY, AND I'M MORE OF A FRONT-STABBING PERSON
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HE'S A
FRONT-STABBER.
FINALLY, SOMEONE BEN CARSON CAN RELATE TO.
( LAUGHTER ) YESTERDAY, THE MOOCH THREATENED
TO FIRE HIS WHOLE DEPARTMENT, SAYING, "THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM
CAN STAY IN THE ROOM.
THEY HAVE TO STOP LEAKING.
IF THEY DON'T STOP LEAKING, I'M GOING TO PUT THEM OUT ON
PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.
YOU WANT TO SELL POSTCARDS TO THE TOURISTS OUTSIDE THE GATE,
OR DO YOU WANT TO WORK IN THE WEST WING?"
HMM.
THAT'S A TOUGH CHOICE.
PEOPLE WHO SELL POSTCARDS DON'T MAKE MUCH MONEY, BUT THEY ALSO
RARELY GET SUBPOENAED.
I'M NOT SURE... A COIN TOSS.
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )
BUT THEN-- ♪ ♪ ♪
BUT THEN SOMEONE LEAKED THAT THE MOOCH WAS TRYING TO FIRE A PRESS
AIDE NAMED MICHAEL SHORT.
APPARENTLY, EVERYONE IN WASHINGTON KNEW, EXCEPT MICHAEL
SHORT, WHO SAID, "NO ONE HAS TOLD ME ANYTHING, AND THE ENTIRE
PREMISE IS FALSE."
WHICH IS ALSO THE TITLE OF THE G.O.P.'S NEW HEALTHCARE BILL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT-- BUT-- BUT TURNS OUT, BY
THE END OF THE DAY, MICHAEL SHORT WAS GONE.
BUT SCARAMUCH WAS ENRAGED ABOUT THE LEAK SAYING:
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I
MISSED THAT IN C.C.D.
I'M A ROMAN CATHOLIC.
WHAT IS THE CATHOLIC DOCTRINE AGAINST LEAKING THAT SOMEONE'S
GETTING FIRED?
"OKAY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT LIKE JESUS: GET EVERYONE
TOGETHER AT DINNER AND SAY 'SOMEONE AT THIS TABLE WILL
BETRAY ME.
IT'S YOU JUDAS.
HOW ABOUT SOME FRONT-STABBING?!
OKAY!
GA!
♪ ♪ ♪ THIS IS MY BODY, THIS IS MY
KNIFE!'" BUT LISTEN-- THE MOOCH WAS
CLEAR, OKAY.
LEAKERS MUST GO.
AND I HAVE FOUND THE SOURCE OF THE LEAK BY GOOGLING IT.
TURNS OUT THE INITIAL LEAK OF THAT SHORT WAS GOING TO GET
FIRED CAME FROM A POLITICAL ARTICLE WHOSE SOURCE WAS
SCARAMUCCI.
MOOCH!
NO, MOOCH!
THE LEAK IS COMING FROM INSIDE YOUR OWN SKULL!
IT'S STABBING TIME!
( APPLAUSE ) WELL, TODAY THE MOOCH SAT DOWN
WITH CHRIS CUOMO AND REFUSED TO TALK ABOUT THE FIRING.
>> DID THE PRESIDENT TELL YOU, "GET RID OF THIS GUY,
HE'S ONE OF THE LEAKERS"?
>> I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
>> WHY?
>> BECAUSE I JUST SAID I WASN'T GOING TO ANSWER IT.
>> I KNOW, BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING STRAIGHT?
WHAT HAPPENED TO "I'M NOT GONNA OBFUSCATE?"
>> I'M STRAIGHTLY, STRAIGHTLY NOT ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: "HEY, I'M AN OPEN
BOOK.
OKAY?
THE PAGES ARE BLANK, AND THE TITLE IS 'BOOK.'
YOU FIGURE IT OUT."
OKAY, LET ME STRAIGHTEN OUT SOMETHING.
HEY, IS THAT STRAIGHT ENOUGH FOR YOU?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS LOADED.
THE MOOCH WENT ON TO DEFEND TRUMP'S TREATMENT OF ATTORNEY
GENERAL AND MAN TRYING TO ORDER ONE MORE CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS,
JEFF SESSIONS.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A VERY TOUGH SKIN TO WORK FOR AND DEAL
WITH THE PRESIDENT.
BUT IF HE RESPECTS YOUR TOUGHNESS AND HE RESPECTS YOUR
HONESTY AND YOUR LOYALTY, SOMEBODY SAID, AS YOU GUYS WERE
ENTERING THIS EIGHT-HOUR SEGMENT, THAT THE LOYALTY FOR
THE PRESIDENT IS ONE-SIDED.
THAT'S ABSOLUTE NONSENSE, OKAY?
HE IS A SYMMETRICAL LOYALIST, FOR SURE.
IF YOU TAKE CARE OF HIM, HE'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
>> Stephen: "YEAH, YOU KNOW, ONE TINY HAND WASHES THE OTHER.
OKAY?
YOU SCRATCH MY BACK, I STAB YOUR FRONT."
( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL