(explosive, perky instrumental music)
- That's Drake's friend, right?
- (laughing) That's "Johnny Football), Johnny Manziel.
- He's a little too clean cut for me.
- Ooh, really. He's certainly known as a "bad boy".
- Really? - Yeah.
- He looks like a high school bully.
- Yeah. He just looks a little like uhh!
- I'm going not hot. - Not hot, man.
- I'm going to pass.
- [The Guys] Oh no, Mark Sanchez.
- I like guys that have moles like that on their face.
- Look at the sparkle in his eyes.
- He's got an exotic look to him that I like.
- He looks like he smells good.
- A little greasy on the hair.
- It's like I haven't showered in four years
or I just got out of the shower.
I don't know. - Exactly.
- Fix that and then you'll be good.
- He just looks like he skates by on his looks.
You know GMs are like, "You know what,
"this guy looks like a franchise quarterback."
- This guy looks like a franchise quarterback.
- And then he has the butt fumble,
and then we're all laughing at him.
- I'd like to see a picture of his butt
before I make an assessment.
- I'm going to go with hot.
- He's got a certain je ne sais quoi.
- You know he kinda looks like you,
if you grew your hair like that.
- Oh shit!
- [Voiceover] Oh, what is that?
- [Voiceover] Oh, Jesus!
- This is Andrew Luck, of which he has known.
- {Guy in Plaid] Known.
- He would be smoking in 1850.
- I don't know what's going on in this region.
- He's a better looking guy than this picture shows.
- I want to give this guy a makeover
from Gs to gents to this little fella.
- You know what, if you trimmed it a little bit
and then cut his hair,
he would be 100 times sexier.
He also has a little bit of chest hair peeking out
which is a plus.
- He went to Stanford;
he's smart. - He's smart; you have that.
- Kind of feel bad for the guy,
but he's a not.
- [Voiceover] (laughing) Tom Brady.
- Yeah, he's good looking.
- The hottest of them all.
- No, no, no! No! - [Guy in Cap] Yeah, yep.
- Neh.
- Oh good. You objectively say it, too,
because you don't know who Tom Brady is do you?
- No. I thought Tom Brady was black.
- People will hate on him because
they'll say he's a cheater.
- He cheated.
- But look at that face; it's so pretty.
- He probably knows that he's hot.
- I can appreciate how he's objectively
the hottest person in this list,
but I don't like Tom Brady.
- [Voiceover] Colin Kaepernick.
- [Voiceover] My boy, Kaepernick.
- I lot of girls will find him sexy;
he's all tatted up.
♫ I love him ♫
- I don't even know his name. What's his name?
- He looks like a greasy bell pepper.
- On a scale of one to Kaepernick,
how hot is he?
- I'd say he's what his number is,
is a seven.
- Jesus, if you're up there, send me someone like this.
- Besides the whole tattoo thing, except for his nipples,
it's the eyes immediately go to the nipples more often.
- Well, that's a good thing.
- I guess. Nipples are cool.
- I'm gonna slide off my chair right now, he's so hot.
- I don't want to approve,
but I gotta go with hot; he's hot.
- [Voiceover] Brother versus brother.
- The Manning brothers.
- Well, well, well.
Ready? You wanna say it on three?
One, two, three, - [Guy in Cap] two, three,
- [Guy in Black] Peyton. - [Guy in Cap] Eli.
- [Both Guys] No!
- But Peyton's so funny.
- Eli Manning is hotter and more accomplished.
- Peyton's going to the fair with a girl,
and it's like, "Make sure you bring Eli",
and he's like, "But, Mom, Eli sucks and he's boring."
- Yeah, he sort of looks like salmon pants and
boat shoes, right? - Yep.
- Eli makes a really bad, dumb face.
- Worst than this, though?
That's a pretty dumb face.
- That's the face of Papa Johns right there.
- If you went out to dinner with Eli,
would you just talk about the most boring stuff?
- Yeah. I would be bored out of my mind.
But then I'd be looking at him saying at least he's hot.
- If you hung out with Peyton, you would go all night
and you'd go from dinner to a bar,
and then he'd take you to his friend's really fun bar,
maybe get in a little trouble with the police.
- If they were twins, I feel like he got
all the nutrients and he didn't.
- Eli's my QB.
I'm a Giants' fan. I love this guy.
- I'm kind of salivating a little bit, to be honest.
- Over Peyton Manning.
- I might play with my nipple ring right now.
- Yeah, definitely Peyton.
He fills out those dad jeans.
- I don't know any Latin folk named Peyton, though.
Peytone.
- There are a lot of good looking quarterbacks.
Why are the pretty boys the quarterback?
- The coach goes and walks through the high school
and is like, "Hey, hot dude."
- Hey, hot dude.
- "Come play quarterback for me."