is it possible that what you want in life and who you want to become actually
goes against your nature keep watching
this is life mastery gym I'm Damon Cart and I teach people just like you cutting
edge NLP processes and techniques so that you can master your life and take
charge of your destiny so if that sounds good make sure you click that subscribe
button so you can get these videos on a regular basis what you're gonna learn
about in this video is what part of you is nurturer and what part of you is
nature and how the two either work together or work against each other in
creating a life that you want to live becoming the person you want to become
and accomplishing what it is that you want to accomplish for the past several
years I've been studying exactly this and I started in philosophy and I
dabbled in spirituality and it wasn't until I came to NLP neuro-linguistic
programming that I found many wonderful answers in exactly this question what is
our nature and what is our nurture and can we overcome our nature to create
what it is that we want if you want to go deeper with this if you want to learn
more about how you create your sense of self what creates a healthy self-concept
a healthy sense of identity you'll want to make sure that you check the
description below as well as the comment I tend to come into the top there is a
free pdf that you can access that is the elements of a healthy self-concept
you'll want to make sure you get your hands on that ok let's jump right into
this and as I'm going through this if any questions or comments come up for
you make sure you post them in the comment section down here I will respond
to you nature and nurture this has been an age-old question that we go back and
forth on and to really understand the two we first have to define them before
we can really go into which one do we need or which one is maybe holding us
back let's think of nature as those parts of
you that don't change they or just you like there is nothing you
can do about it it's like the the color of your eyes or the color of your hair
that's nature and there can absolutely be parts of your personality that are
based on your nature that would probably be like your taste and food which can
also be influenced by nurture as well but there are probably some inherent
natural parts of you that are just that's the way that they are and that's
the way that they're always going to be and they're always going to have some
sort of effect on your personality or your taste or what did the decisions
that you make there was a documentary on triplets who had been separated at birth
and then they ended up meeting each other as adults and it was amazing how
many similarities they had which had to do with their personal taste their
clothing their hair their even their brand of cigarettes that they chose so
it's obvious that nurture rather nature has a large part of what you decide to
do what your personal tastes are so it's the unchanging parts of you is what I
would call your nature nurture on the other hand well this is the part of you
that can be improved cultivated developed these are the things that you
can learn and grow these are the parts of you that that can develop and grow
into becoming something that they're not originally so in other words these are
the parts of you that can be changed the parts of you that can be cultivated and
expanded and grown so not nature is the unchanging parts of you nurture are
those parts of you that can change and can grow and can be cultivated so now
you're probably asking the question well what parts of me are my nature and what
parts of me can be nurtured and the truth is that no one can really tell you
that and actually I wouldn't focus too much on specifically that question what
I would focus on though is not drawing a conclusion and not drawing a judgment
and focus on the exploration of that we don't really know you don't really know
and I think what a lot of people try to do is they will say something
that allows them to be lazier allows them not to go and explore something
because they say well it's just not in my nature it's I'm not talented enough
so I'm not gonna go and try something well you don't know you you have to go
and actually explore it and question that belief to find out if indeed you
can change it and what I've found in my life is that in my clients lives is that
most people most things about you you can change actually your nature only
makes up a very very small part of you the part of you that doesn't really
change is actually very very small the part of you that can change that can be
cultivated and developed we don't know any limitations on that and we've yet to
see those limitations because we continue to innovate we continue to see
people break records in sports we continue to see people innovate and
create in ways that we've until now have never seen before so what I would I
would recommend that you do is when you think of these ideas well maybe I can do
this or maybe I can I can do that well don't make a judgement don't draw a
conclusion go and explore it and go and see and so I'll give you an example in
my own life last year I decided I'm gonna try learning how to sing it's been
something that since I was a kid that I always admired always admired great
singers and I always loved the idea of being able to do it someday and so I
started practicing and it was fun I and I got I definitely got better so before
I just thought well there's no way that I could ever be a singer I'm not good
enough it's just not in me it's not in my nature and as soon as you know I hear
myself saying this after all the training that I've done and all the
coaching that I've done I said okay well I'm not gonna believe that I'm gonna go
and test this out so did I get better yes I did had I continued would I have
continued to get better well yes I would have was I naturally talented no I was
not and then what I discovered though is though I enjoyed it for a while it I
just didn't continue to enjoy it enough to keep doing it now you might say well
Damon that's probably your nature maybe so I don't know I just know that I
didn't enjoy it enough to keep doing it to get
really good at it so I let it go this year I saw on YouTube some people these
polyglots who were speaking all these different languages and I got inspired
and decided I would once again try to learn a language and in the past I have
failed at this but I realized well that was really in my early 20s since then
I've learned so much about learning and about growing that I think I can do this
now and I started learning another language and it's actually working and
actually I'm really enjoying it so I would have thought and up until just
recently that learned I wasn't talented at learning languages that it just
wasn't in my nature and I've found that that's just absolutely not true and and
that's because I'm exploring it and that's because I'm nurturing I'm
nurturing this ability to learn this other language so here's the thing when
we think about trying something when we think about working on something
cultivating something a skill and an ability or a talent what we most often
do as we go straight to well who is the best at this so if it's basketball and
you say okay well I want to get better at basketball but I don't know if it's
in my nature I don't know if I'm going to be naturally talented are naturally
good at it and then we shoot to who are the big basketball stars and we go oh
well you know I'll never be those people so it's just not in me and then you
never try but so here's the thing okay and when you see people in the NBA those
are people who not only had all the natural aspects in their favor they were
naturally talented naturally Talde naturally athletic whatever all those
things are they had all that nature working for them but they also had to do
a lot of nurturing don't think that people get to the NBA just because
they're naturally talented not at all these people practiced non-stop they're
constantly nurturing the ability to play basketball very well so you put those
two things together and then you get people who are going to be at the top of
the you know throughout the game so that might not be
in your nature to get there but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't explore
getting better at basketball because if you pull that comparison out if you take
out judging yourself if you take out comparing yourself to others and you
just look at well okay if I spend an hour a day working on my basketball game
I'm gonna get better that's just there's just no way that that won't happen so
you can nurture that of that ability you can nurture that skill and you can get
good at it does it mean you're going to be in the NBA probably not because the
only very few people get there but that's that's not even something to to
think about or worry about this is about enjoying your life this is about having
fun if you think being able to play basketball very well would give you some
amount of joy satisfaction fulfillment why would you let these silly thoughts
about your limited your naked your natural limitations holding you back
from that it's not it's not necessarily about being in the NBA and being the
best basketball player just go and cultivate the skill and the ability and
that in itself is very satisfying and very fulfilling so let's bring this all
together what is more powerful your nature or
your nurture well in this sense nature is a bit more powerful in the sense that
it's unchanging and if you try to fight your nature you're going to lose and
that might be the first thing that comes to mind is sexuality some people are
naturally straight some people are naturally homosexual some people are
naturally bisexual and we've seen what happens when you try to change yourself
specifically when hell most sexual people try to change into heterosexual
they were fighting their nature they will lose this fight and at some point
they will either revert back to what their naturally are or they will live a
life of pain and suffering as a suppressed their very nature so that's
one example there are other examples but you won't win fighting your nature
and but there's no really no reason to fight your nature your nature naturally
you are hardwired to be happy and fulfilled and satisfied and the Buddha
has spent a lot of time proving that and out of that became the practice of Zen
Buddhism where it is about reconnecting with that part of you if you're
suffering reconnecting with that natural state that natural part of you that is
naturally happy and naturally fulfilled and satisfied so that is your natural
state your nature will not get in the way of you living a happy and fulfilled
life now your nurture on the other hand this is the this is the fun part about
being you you get to explore what you can nurture from yourself and anything
you nurture is going to get better it's going to develop it's going to cultivate
so that's it's whether or not you're you know that's if you're going after
learning a language that's if you you're doing yoga and here's the other thing
too it's you don't want to compare yourself to other people that's not the
point of this the point of nurturing is not comparing imagine a parent nurturing
a child which is what parents do right we nurture our children to grow up
well-adjusted happy being able to do the things they need to do to survive in the
world well what happens when we compare our
children to other children and we do that to our children that's not helpful
at all in fact it's very destructive so comparison is in a sense the opposite of
nurture there are some ways to use healthy comparison and healthy
competition but in general comparing yourself to other people is the exact
opposite of nurturing so if you want to nurture something from yourself if you
want to cultivate something you want to improve yourself in some way you want to
develop yourself in some way nurture do not compare do not judge yourself none
of those things are going to help think about it if you want to get better at
anything you need to treat yourself well you need to make it fun you need to make
it playful you need to make it interesting the same thing goes on
like I said learning another language well I have to keep it interesting for
myself because that's part of the nurture I have to make it fun and
interesting and and I love learning in general so all of this is nurturing so
what what is it that you want to accomplish what is it that you've been
you got in the back of your mind you've been thinking you've always wanted to do
and then go test it out you know you might be have blown this off many times
because you say well I'm not naturally talented most people aren't or don't
it's not in my nature I don't have the natural propensity to be good at this
who cares take what it is that you're interested in and then ask yourself how
would I this ability how would I nor the skill take a goal you want to achieve
how would I know myself toward achieving this goal and it could be a monetary
goal it doesn't matter it can be losing weight it can be any of those things you
say okay well how would I know myself into becoming that person who can do
that and you think about a lot of the times of losing weight and why fat
shaming doesn't work well because it's a destructive it's a destructive tactic
you know you can't fat shame someone into becoming healthier they may lose
weight but it won't be in a good way but imagine if you nurtured yourself to
losing weight because a lot of times that positive intent of what's causing
someone to overeat a lot of times is based in the desire to nurture oneself
so how would you change that then how would you change nurturing yourself to
be healthy so really really take the time to challenge the beliefs you have
about what are your natural talents and your natural abilities and start opening
up that possibility of what you would like to do what you would like to
cultivate what kind of skills you'd like to have what you would like to
accomplish and then start asking yourself how do I know myself to become
that person who has those abilities and I assure you your life will start to
change so like I said if this topic really interests you and you want to
know more and you want to go deeper about how we create our identity how we
create our sense of self you will definitely want to get your hands on
this free report it's a PDF right here in the description below
the elements of a healthy self-concept you can get your hands on that like I
said immediately download it go over it and live by it
and also if you have any questions about it or you have any comments about it
make sure you put those in the comments section down below and I will respond to
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