Clay Andrews: What are some signs that your ex is using
you as a backup? That's what we're going to be talking about today, but first, my name
is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship that
you're looking for, without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to
get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you're not. Because you
deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if
you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing
to this channel, if you're not already. Also, you might want to know about our new course
called Connect and Commit. It's been out for, oh, I don't know, maybe almost a month or
so. But it helps you to get through these little tiny situations that, if you play them
the right way, they can turn into an opportunity for a great, wonderful connection that brings
you and your ex closer together.
Clay Andrews: But if you unfortunately make some mistakes
in these situations, they can do a lot of damage. You can find out more about that down
below in the description for this video or also in the pinned comment below this video,
as well, too. Not going to hard sell you on it, but it's there if you want to check it
out. If it seems right for you, feel free to sign up. Otherwise, no worries. Let's go
ahead and get on to the rest of this video.
Clay Andrews: So I know that a lot of people are worried
that their ex could be potentially using them as a backup, a Plan B, some sort of person
that they have waiting here in case the thing that they really want to do, the person they
really want to date, the relationship that they really want to be in, doesn't work out
for some reason. And I'm not going to say that it's not possible. It's totally possible
that that could be the case, but it's probably not likely. We're going to go ahead and get
into this, though. So let's go ahead and get started.
Clay Andrews: First of all, your ex might be using you as
a backup if they have a hard time being alone. If your ex, if you look back at their history
of being in relationships and stuff, if they haven't really spent any meaningful amount
of time alone as a single person, then that could potentially mean that, okay, they have
a hard time just being alone as a single person and they're the kind of person that always
needs to be in a relationship, any relationship. And so they might out of a sense of anxiety
keep you as a backup, in case the person that they're trying to date or the person that
they want to be with, it doesn't work out for some reason, and they're kind of in that
exploratory early phase of that kind of rebound thing going on. It's not to say that your
ex is doing this out of some sort of evil, sinister scheme to keep you waiting or anything
like that. It's most likely that they just emotionally have a hard time letting go and
they have an emotional hard time being by themselves, and so they just kind of keep
you around them. It's not like they're intentionally doing this.
Clay Andrews: Most likely. They could be, but I imagine
you probably would have gotten a little bit of a hint that they might be this sort of
person with this sort of character during your time together, and if you can look back
at your time together and say, okay, yeah, that is their character, then okay. That's
definitely one thing to keep in mind there and definitely one thing to use as evidence
that, okay, they might be intentionally keeping me as a backup, but most likely they're not
intentionally doing it.
Clay Andrews: The second sign that your ex is using you
as a backup is that they don't have a problem using other people to meet their agenda. Again,
we kind of touched on this a moment ago, but you know your ex pretty well. At least you
should, right? You were together in a relationship with them conceivably for a long time, and
so you should have a good sense about what their personality is like, what their character
is like, who they are, if they have the ability to just use others to meet their agenda. And
of course, yeah, we all have our own interests. We all have things that we want to have happen
in life. But if your ex is able to overlook that hey, this is a human being with their
own emotions, their own desires, their own fears, their own insecurities, their own concerns,
and just kind of look at them as a chess piece to meet their own agenda, then that might
not be a great sign. But it is a sign that they could potentially be using you as a backup.
It's not that they're necessarily doing it, but it shows that they have the capacity to
kind of lean that way.
Clay Andrews: The third sign that your ex is using you as
a backup is if you seem a little bit too eager or too available to them. Now, this one is
kind of about you, not necessarily about your ex, but if you are too eager or too available
to them, you are kind of broadcasting that if they wanted to, they could get away with
this. And that's not to say that you need to punish them or wag your finger at them
or anything like that, unless they're stepping over some sort of boundary obviously. But
if you're sending out this message that hey, I am 100% available for you any time of the
day, 24/7, then you are kind of inviting that sort of behavior and that sort of person into
your life and into your dynamic. It's not to say that they're going to be that way,
but oftentimes how you bring yourself to a dynamic or a relationship or a situation often
influences the types of people that you draw to yourself.
Clay Andrews: So you've got to keep that in mind. And I'm
not saying you need to play mind games, play hard to get, or anything like that. You should
genuinely be filling your life with things that are meaningful to you, pursuing passions
that are important to you, and living your life for yourself. And that is naturally going
to make you not available all the time for them. So I'm not saying that you should just
pretend to be busy or pretend to be available or just let that text message sit there for
like four hours before you think about replying, especially if you're just kind of binge watching
TV shows or something. What I'm saying is to live a life that's meaningful for you and
let your schedule naturally fill up to whatever that might happen to look like. So don't be
too available, but do it in a way that's organic from you living a life that's meaningful and
important to you, not by just acting like you're doing that. You genuinely want to be
doing interesting things for you, interesting things for you.
Clay Andrews: So, with that being said, before we go ahead
and get into the rest of this video, I want to let you know that if you want to learn
more about what your ex is thinking, their sort of mental, emotional state and all that
stuff, you might want to check out this video playlist up here in the video cards. It kind
of walks you through your ex, some things that they could potentially be thinking and
all that. So check that out if that's something you want to learn more about.
Clay Andrews: The fourth sign that your ex is potential
using you as a backup is if your ex is stepping out of their comfort zone in some way in their
life. Maybe they've never been on their own before, alone outside of a relationship, and
this is new territory for them. Or maybe they've never really kind of hit the dating scene.
Maybe the two of you met in high school, you're high school sweethearts or something like
that, and they're never been single as a grown adult, out there where you have to actually
make an impression on people and date them and get them interested in you and all that
stuff. I mean, it obviously doesn't work the same way it does in high school. I remember
when I got out of my relationship, my relationship after I got out of high school and college
and everything, and it was like, okay, I can't just use my usual strategy that worked great
in high school, which is to help a girl with her algebra homework until she falls in love
with me. That does not work when you have to meet somebody in public, get their attention,
test for interest, get their phone number, and all of that stuff. That's a step out of
your comfort zone.
Clay Andrews: And so if your ex is doing something out of
their comfort zone, such as that, such as anything else, it doesn't just have to be
dating related, but if they're doing something out of their comfort zone and you're kind
of their tether to something safe, it also kind of is a context that could be conducive
to them using you in some way. So keep that in mind.
Clay Andrews: And the fifth sign that your ex is using you
as a backup is if they admit that they're keeping you around just in case. Sometimes
people's exes will directly admit this. That's actually something that my ex admitted to
me when we were going through our breakup all those many, many, oh my goodness, it's
been so many years now, kind of dating myself. But that's something that my ex admitted to
to me back then. And if your ex is doing that, first of all, it shows that they're really
open and transparent with you and that they're also kind of aware of what's going on. It's
not a really nice thing to say, but at least they're being honest with you. But it's definitely
a sign that they are using you as a backup while they're trying to pursue something else,
trying to get other people interested in them, or date, or enjoy being single, or stretch
themselves out of their comfort zone in some way, and you're like their tether to safety
or something like that.
Clay Andrews: Going through a breakup can cause people to
act out of character. Both you, as the person who wants to get back together with their
ex, but also your ex as well, too. They may say certain things to kind of create space
between the two of you so that the two of you don't get too close, either because they
don't want you to pursue them so much or because they don't want to allow themselves to feel
too emotionally close to you. And that can actually be threatening for them because they
might actually start to remember why they fell in love with you and the two of you might
get back together. And if that's not something that they are emotionally ready to consider,
then they might try to create that space. So that's something to think about as well,
too.
Clay Andrews: But once again, these have been five signs
that your ex might be using you as a backup. Once again, this is not definitive. None of
these are like that one is definitely the case. A lot of these are just based on, this
is kind of creating the context that this could happen in. Now, of course you know your
ex better than I do, better than a YouTube video, so you would know if they were using
you or not. You would know if they had that capability, that capacity or not. So I'm going
to ask you, do you think that your ex is using you as a backup?
Clay Andrews: Anyway, if you want to learn more about how
to have a strong emotional connection with your ex so that you can handle these small
little situations that could go really well or really terribly, you might want to check
out our Connect and Commit course. Again, that's down in the description box below this
video or in the pinned comment in the comment section. But thanks so much for watching.
Please give this video a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel if you are not already subscribed,
and you may want to check out this video series over here on what your ex is thinking, what's
going on with them emotionally, mentally, all that stuff. Or you may want to check out
this video over here. But thank you so much for watching this video. Please take care.
Please stay safe. Please stay healthy out there, and I'll talk to you next time.