- What the heck is a Buc-ee? (banjo pickin' music)
And why does our mascot look likem
if Gomer Pyle was a beaver?
- I didn't even know what this place was.
I just started seeing billboards 90 miles away
and I thought it was a theme park.
Turns out... It is!
I'm gonna jump in the back of that truck with the beaver.
- Yeah, I needed some fishing line today,
so I thought I'd come here to the Buc-ee's and get it.
This is basically, Gas Pro Shop.
- So I can order a wrap here,
but I have to use a touch screen?
And, but I can just grab a sandwich from over here.
This is so confusing.
Congrats, Buc-ee,
you made the Chick-fil-A drive-thru look normal.
- Teri, bring the kids, get 'em over here.
They're chopping up brisket in the middle of the store.
Ya gotta see this.
- Ah, food here is great, but the trick is,
to doctor it up with some of the hot sauce over there.
Yeah, I highly recommend, The Devil's Eyedrops
or Lucifer's Bidet.
Whew! That'll get ya.
- Listen. I like kolaches as much as the next person,
but nothing is worth enduring this insanity.
- Man, this place is so good.
I almost forgot I had to sell a kidney just for pay for gas.
Wait, you're kidding.
They sell kidneys here too?
- Mama always said that, "If I believe in myself,
I can do anything that I put my heart into."
And that's why it's my goal
to pee in all 72 of them urinals before I die.
- Where do I eat the food?
You're telling me, this place has 80 types of jelly
and not a single table?
- Breakfast tacos?
All right. That settles it.
We're comin' back here in the morning.
No, we're not going back to the resort.
This is our new vacation.
I'm gonna be honest. I got a little
nervous when they started opening these
babies outside of Texas. I mean,
God Blessed Texas, but he also gave us the cowboys
and we have seen how
they play on the road.
- Um, I think I've lost my wife?
Oh, well, don't worry.
I see they also sell flares.
- World's cleanest bathrooms?
I don't even have to go, I just wanna see it.
- Well, I spent two grand here one day
and didn't buy an ounce of gasoline.
Spent it all on that smoker.
Yeah, same model that's out there right now
between the ice chest and the golden beaver statue.
(Beaver Nuggets bag crinkling)
I'm not allowed to come home.
- There is a man in a beaver suit.
Unbelievable. What? (laughing)
He makes $57 an hour?
Okay. Gimme an application.
- It's Rocky!
Do you think he'll let me get a picture with him?
I'm nervous! He says, "No."
- Hey, make sure you check out that little art museum,
right when you go into the bathroom.
They got this new painting of a Longhorn
sittin' in a field of bluebonnets.
It is moving stuff.
I got, I got choked up last time
and accidentally peed in the same urinal,
so I still got 42 to go.
- Yeah, it's a good restroom,
but it also feels me with a deep shame
because I have one toilet and it will never be that clean.
- We have to get some nuggets.
Do we get the regular or the Sea Salted Caramel?
Maybe the chocolate covered?
Just put it all in buggy.
Do they have buggies?
Of course they do.
Come on. This is your Christmas now.
- Everybody goes on and on about how clean the commodes are,
but they don't talk about how big it is in there.
There's stadium seating in the one in New Braunfels.
I saw Pantera playin' there live,
third stall on the left.
Great acoustics.
- I guess this place is pretty neat,
but it's just like a Sheets or a Wawa.
(audience gasps)
- What, what did I say?
Okay. Ma'am your child is flipping me off.
- It's a wall of beef jerky.
Honey, when I die,
I want you to sprinkle my ashes right over there
by the Bohemian Garlic.
- Yeah, I'm actually gettin' married
in front of the wall of jerky next week.
Yeah, our registry is here.
Honeymoon is also here.
And if we have a child, we're gonna name it....
How'd you? Yeah, Bu-cee! How'd you guess?
- I've been saying it wrong?
It's Buc-ees?
But it's named after a dog,
even though the mascot is a beaver?
You know what?
That, no, that makes perfect sense,
because this is a gas station that thinks it's Disneyworld.
- We should do some Christmas shopping.
Yes, I know it's July.
Where else are we gonna find your mom
a pig-themed, birdhouse wind chime combo
covered in sea shells?
- Let me fill you in on a little secret.
This place? Open 24-hours a day.
I haven't been home in seven years.
I don't know if my children know who I am.
(banjo pickin' music continues)