Hey everybody I have Tom here
I'm back
He's back! Round number 2. Every time we come to a convention we hang out
Yeah, this therapy session costs a lot
Tom is here to talk to us about comfort eating
I'm an expert
Can we get a wide shot please
But in all truth I think its something that a lot of people turn to as a way to cope
and I think that Tom has talked openly thus far about it, or no?
I don't need to talk about it...people can see..like my weight fluctuates on camera so frequently
And its, its always been the case
I guess my first question is do you remember when you first started using food?
To soothe, is that the right word?
I think so yeah
I think I was about 9 years old and I had a really really horrible teacher
Who...made an example of me
I knew I was a fidgety child
This was a bad time in my life when I got diagnosed with ADHD
It was an incorrect diagnosis but still
Thats how much of a disruptive fidgety student I was
This teacher really had it out for me
And I just started eating
Umm..food good!
I would eat meals, I was a very skinny very active child until then but you know
suddenly I went to being chubby
That would then evolve into getting bullied because you're chubby
So it was like a terrible snow ball?
I'm being bullied I'm going to eat more
And again thats just been the relationship that I've had with food kind of ever since
I've yo yo dieted and theres been about 4 stages of my life where
I've almost successfully got to a weight I'm happy with
And then gained all the weight back again
Each time I gain I actually get heavier than I ever was before
I have a very very bad relationship with food
How is it...I'm just curious now I'm in therapist Kati mode
How was it at home with your family?
Does anybody else in your family use food?
Both my parents comfort eat
And both of them have a very complicated relationship with food as well
You know my dad does a lot of manual labour and he just like eats sugar to keep his mood up
and to work and so he's always had a bad relationship with food,
My mum as well copes through food - so we are just a food eating family
And both my parents - whenever they've successfully lost weight has been doing ketosis diets
where you basically don't really eat much
and it puts your body into sort of a starvation mode
Ketosis is bad, I mean
It's a valid method of dieting
as long as the aftercare is appropriate
in which you learn and eat properly
or else what will happen
is you will just immediately gain all the weight back
Yep yo yo back up
Which is what's happened with me
I have done a couple of ketosis diets
I've blown it at about the half way point
and then just gone NOM NOMNOM
and my body's like
Oh cool we're not starving anymore better hold all this fat for the next time we're going to starve
Yep
And then I get even heavier
Yeah its got to be hard though
to be truthful
Have you ever worked with a dietician or nutritionist?
I have
Did that help though?
It did, it did for about
6, or 7 months
that's always like how long I last
I had a personal trainer and a dietician
I actually got in really good shape
Here's the photo
I still wasn't quite there
but you know, I was very nearly there
and that's actually the exact point at which my mental health started to crumble
Oh when your friend passed away
No, it was actually
So my friend passed away
and I kind of just go into the zone
and I am really in denial
So I was working through the grief
and part of that was exercising, dieting
and then about a year after he died
I tripped and fell and never recovered
mentally and physically
thats when my really toxic relationship with food started
where alcohol was introduced into the mix
and I do honestly see them as one and the same.
Yeah
This is like the most alcoholic thing to say
but I can quit whenever I want
Alcohol genuinely because I don't see it as
it doesn't register as alcohol
It registers as just more food
So its more like a hand to mouth
Yeah - I stop drinking for months at a time and that's really easy
but its more just that I don't do anything between
nothing and everything
It's all very black and white
Yeah I can be dieting hard core or
stuffing my face every 5 seconds
yeah
But have you been in therapy?
I'm asking but I already know the answer
Not for that
No
Thats the message I think I want people to receiv
and it all depends too on
specialisations. I happen to specialise in eating disorders as many of you know
I think that a lot of therapists and a lot of people don't understand
our relationship with food
something that I learned recently that I find really fascinating
is in trauma work the trauma specialist I had on, Alexa
talked about how as children we - as babies,
we are taught
to be soothed with food
Yep
because we cry when we are hungry, and then we are fed and we are soothed
And so the sucking and swallowing - the actual swallowing
it soothes us and our system
If we feel lots of anger
our amygdala - which is our
like woo woo sending a fire alarm
is like making us feel like 'I'm enraged'
and then food soothes that siren
Yeah what really took me from being
chubby / fat to
obese which is really
its a territory I've definitely strayed into was the addiction to alcohol
Food was always how I would cope with being sad
but then alcohol is how I coped with being depressed
because
and when I get into manic mental states
when I drink, everything slows down
and I
can focus on one thing
and that isn't the thing that's upsetting me in my head
its not myself
It would help me veg out
I'd like to say
it 'did' I like to talk past tense - but its my life
Yeah
and so
Its like basic human nature
I would get lower and guess what I would want to do?
Eat
I'm not the kind of guy who drinks and then cheats on his girlfriend
or anything like that
I cheat on my diet
Like crazy
so
You know
My mental health would get bad
and I have one of two options
eat food to feel better,
or drink alcohol to feel better
but when I drink alcohol I eat food anyway
yeah
So food's going in my mouth
No matter what happens
Foods going in the mouth
Yeah
Is this video going to go anywhere
or is this just going to be about here's how Tom is bad with food
Yes it will go somewhere - I'm going to take it there right now
Please Kati - help me
Insert segue
So regardless of how you feel
whats happening, if you're feeling like shit in any way
if your mental health is terrible
or declining - food
Yeah
It was food before I even had mental health issues
and its food now
Yeah
Have you ever tried -
the thing that I work with my clients most is trying to find other coping skills
They're not great
You'll hate them in the beginning, they're not as good as the food but
are there any things you put in place
Like okay, 'Before I go home and comfort eat
I'm going to try...blank blank blank"?
Yes
Staying out so late that all the takeout places closed
Oh
Genuinely something that I've done sometimes
Yeah
that's not an option until 11pm
but burying myself in my work is something
thats not another healthy coping mechanism
Yeah
What about a way of getting stuff out?
like all your feelings
Do you have an outlet?
Screaming
Yeah
Screaming is good
No, I think screaming is great
Yeah for sure but its
yeah I've got nothing
I've got no idea really of a more effective idea
Yeah I just like eating food
Thats okay, there's no shame in it,
I think it's figuring out and finding something that works for you
and in truth
you all know this, but 5 healthy coping skills or so, maybe
less maybe more
to squash that one unhealthy one
such as?
So something that you could try would be
calling a friend.
Girlfriend, somebody. Talk about your day
talk about what was happening
"I feel like shit"
thats okay
Doing some kind of art that's not related to work
I don't even know what that means anymore
But maybe thats a problem
you've taken your one outlet and you've turned it into work
versus letting it be cathartic for you
and that could be, you know,
I know you do cartoons and stuff
Yep
For some people, its music
like finding a playlist that they feel expresses it
Screaming
is actually a good one
Screaming in your car
I told Nanna do that and she's like "But I scare myself"
and I'm like "But I think it's healthy"
Sure
Those are just some of the ideas
A lot of things can be self care related too
like things that you like to do that don't involve food
Like going to a certain movie
or a certain show or
spending time with certain people
or I mean for me, I enjoy not having anything to do for a day
and I walk around
with my earbuds in listening to music
and maybe go get my toes done
So what would your ideal day look like?
oh gosh um
Well I guess socialising is always a very valid option
but you know what socialising entails?
Food
People eating
We do
But you can still eat
Its eating the right amount - it's so hard
thats the thing
thats what I don't know how to do is moderate
Something that I've talked about on other videos
is about hunger fullness cues
Because often when we either under eat or over eat
or use food to cope in some fashion
we don't connect with our body any more - its more emotional.
Oh yeah totally
I know I need to drink more water
Thats the thing
so much of hunger is based on actual thirst
and I drink, so that makes it worse! It makes me even more thirsty
I need to drink more water
Thats the number one thing that I don't do
is drink
Thats how my friends can support me
keep giving me water
I always like to
if someone comes into my office I never
I never am a huge fan of 'here's a tonne of things you should do'
because they're always going to be like - fuck that
I'm out
I'm done with this
But instead its like small achievable goals
so something you could try would be like
this week I'm going to try to drink 3 glasses of water a day and then
I don't know how bad your intake is
Terrible
1 to 3
Yep 1 would be a good start
yeah - so no joke and thats okay
to meet you where you're at right
Yeah
So if we did 1 or 2 a day, the goal would be 1
2 being like 5 gold stars for you Tom
yay!
We can go there, but then also the one time you want to
but then the one time you want to binge, or you want to eat to cope,
you call a friend first
Sure
I mean, that would be like for starters
I think part of its changing the conversation with yourself
because you don't have to be on a diet
I don't believe in diets at all
its more about your relationship with food
and you at least finding a way
that feels good for you
to talk about it and maybe
you'll have 3 bites less
and then maybe you won't go right to it right away
you'll call a friend first - I mean
it's all small steps because I think the thing about any kind of eating and food
we go black or white, we go all or nothing
we're in or we're out
we're either not eating anything or we're eating everything
and I think, not I think - I know
that life is more in the middle
and
we all have to eat - thats the difference about like
'I'm sober or I don't do drugs' its like, you don't need those to survive
but we need food to survive
and so, healing the relationship that you have with food is more where I'm headed
versus you need to be on a diet and lose weight, because that's not the truth
Okay so like, I've been dieting so much in my life
I know the things I actually need to be doing
1 - I need to be drinking water so that I am less hungry
2 - I need to go shopping so I actually have a stocked fridge full of healthy things that I can reach for
so that I don't develop the urge or need or the financial need to get take out
3 - on top of that I could potentially budget my finances so that I
so that I you know, have a limited amount of money to spend on food to begin with
so I'm more incentivised to buy food in you know,
Yeah make it at home
You know, brown rice and stuff
4 - You've got to eat often and little
Yeah
So instead of having 3 hearty meals
just eat - is it when you're hungry?
or is it just at intervals? Just eat small amounts
It's supposed to be -
I know all this stuff in theory
I know
Thats okay
Its all part of what feels right for you
There's really no set thing that we have to do, but they prefer
especially for healing like an eating disorder
I was told when I worked in the eating disorder clinic - it was eating every 3 to 4 hours
Right
So it would be 3 meals and 3 snacks every day
Okay
And so, it actually gives us a lot of leeway to find things that work
and to find what snacks we like and how big a meal will be
because if you start listening to your body
and start growing that conversation with your body about hunger fullness,
and at times you'll bel like, I'm not actually hungry
like I actually did just eat.
And so you kind of find that happy medium
but it takes practice!
but it feels good
Yeah I know
but you can find other things that feel good
yeah
its true
it can get better
Well thanks for sharing your story Tom
I'm helping
You always help
Didn't he help?
Please leave in the comments - let us know
what are some coping skills and things that you do to help stop comfort eating
or binge eating, it can help Tom or someone else
I'll be in the comments I'll read things, I'm out of ideas
Yeah sometimes we just need someone else to give us a little tip to get started
We did a video over on Tom's channel
so make sure you check that out
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Bye