>> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE
LATE LATE SHOW." THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
WE APPRECIATE THAT YOU'RE HEIER. LET'S MEET OUR GUESTS ON
THE SHOW TONIGHT. SHE'S A TALENTED ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "BLACK MASS," "SUSPIRIA," AND THE "FIFTY SHADES" MOVIES.
THE ABSOLUTE BRILLIANT, COOLEST OF THE COOL, DAKOTA JOHNSON IS
HERE TONIGHT. >> HI.
>> James: HOW ARE YOU DOING? IS.
>> I'M GOOD. I'M THRILLED TO SEE YOU.
>> James: HOW IS LIFE, ARE YOU GOOD?
>> I'M GREAT. >> James: YOU ARE BRILLIANT
IN YOUR NEW FILM, SO EXCEPTIONAL IN THAT MOVIE, I'M LOOKING
FORWARD TO TALKING TO YOU ABOUT IT,.
>> THANK YOU. >> James: DAKOTA JOHNSON,
EVERYBODY! HE'S AN INCREDIBLE PERFORMER
YOU KNOW FROM THE "FROZEN" MOVIES, "BEAUTY
AND THE BEAST," AND HIS NEW SERIES "WOLF LIKE ME" WHICH IS
STREAMING NOW ON PEACOCK. HE'S ONE OF OUR FAVORITES, THE
MIGHTY MR. JOSH GAD! HE'S HERE TONIGHT!
JOSHUA. DOES ANYONE CALL YOU JOSHUA?
>> NO. >> James: NEVER?
>> WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT ACTUALLY, I ASKED MY MOTHER THAT
QUESTION, DID YOU EVER SAY JOSHUA TO ME, APPARENTLY SHE
DID. SHE SAID, WA GAD, DON'T YOU EVER
DO THAT AGAIN. THAT'S WHY PEOPLE DON'T CALL ME
WA ANYMORE BECAUSE I DON'T DO ANYTHING WRONG ANYMORE.
>> James: YOU'RE NOT A NAUGHTY BOY.
YOU'RE NOT A NAUGHTY BOY. >> IT MAKES ME VERY YOUR HONOR
COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU KEEP REPEATING YOU'RE NOT A NAUGHTY
BOY. >> James: I DON'T.
>> I APPRECIATE THAT, I DON'T CONSIDER YOU A NAUGHTY BOY
EITHER. >> James: I CAN BE A NAUGHTY
BOY. >> THAT'S LATER.
>> James: JOSH GAD EVERYBODY. AND LATER.
"HIPPO CAMPUS." GREAT BAND NAME. IT'S ALSO A PART OF THE BRAIN.
IT'S PART OF YOUR NAME, HIPPOCAMPUS, RIGHT?
PART OF YOUR BRAIN? >> AND A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE
HIPPOS HANG OUT. ANIMALS THAT HAVE MARSH MALT MAS
FOR TEETH. >> James: BUT IT'S THAT TIME.
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS. THIS AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT BIDEN
GAVE HIS FIRST SOLO PRESS CONFERENCE IN MONTHS.
IT COMES ONE DAY BEFORE HIS PRESIDENCY HITS THE ONE-YEAR
MARK, AND HE USED THE OPPORTUNITY TO HIGHLIGHT HIS
ADMINISTRATION'S KEY SUCCESSES. SUCCESSES SUCH AS VACCINATING
MILLIONS OF AMERICANS LOW UNEMPLOYMENT, CASUALLY
HOOKING UP WITH PETE DAVIDSON. YOU KNOW WHAT I'D DO IF I WAS
JOE BIDEN? DO YOUR FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE
IN MONTHS, RIGHT? GO OUT THERE AND PUT ON A GUITAR
AND DELIVER A BLISTERING ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO AND PUT IT
AND WALK OFF. IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
BUT IT CHANGES THE NARRATIVE NOBODY IS ASKING HIM ANYTHING
ABOUT BABA BABA, BAH OH! MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT WAS THAT
ABOUT? I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
CHANGE THE NARRATIVE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I
WAS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, POCKET FULL OF CAR KEYS.
POCKET FULL OF BRAND-NEW TOYOTA TUNDRAS.
THE SECOND I GOT A QUESTION I DIDN'T LIKE, I'D GO, WHAT IS
YOUR NAME, JOHN OF THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, YOU GOT A
BRAND-NEW CAR! ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?
THERE YOU GO, THERE'S A TUNDRA. >> Reggie: WHY A TUNDRA?
>> James: TOYOTA TUNDRA, I JUST LOVE SAYING IT, IT'S A GOOD
NAME FOR A CAR. I THINK ALL CAR NAMES ARE PRETTY
RIDICULOUS. >> Reggie: AVALANCHE?
>> James: IS THERE A CAR NAMED THAT?
ISN'T IT A BAD THING? ISN'T AN AFTER LARCH
TRADITIONALLY A BAD THING? >> Reggie: IF YOU ARE THE
AVALANCHE, IT'S A GREAT THING. >> James: OR LIKE OH (BLEEP),
I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS DOING WELL, THE VERY AVALANCHE ITSELF
IS WHAT, I SAY WHOA! OH MY GOD!
TOYOTA TUNDRA. IS THIS CALLING ME?
THEY ALL MUST WE MUST GET SOME BIG (BLEEP) TUNDRA DOLLARS.
>> I HAVE A SALES MEETING, STORM AND I HOPE THEY'RE NOT WATCHING
TONIGHT. >> James: OPEN YOUR MIND,
MAN! I JUST PUT TOYOTA ON THE HOOK,
ALL YOU GOT TO DO PUPPY IS REAL THEM IN!
-- REEL THEM IN! WHAT IF IT'S IN A TOYOTA TUNDRA?
I DON'T THINK IT'S OKAY TO MENTION -- WHY DON'T YOU PUT A
LIST DOWN HERE WHY DON'T YOU PUT A LIST DOWN HERE OF WHAT
DIFFERENT KINDS OF ERECOGNIZE TILE DYSFUNCTION MEDICATION I
CAN MENTION, RIGHT? THESE PILLS LOWER YOUR BLOOD,
WHATEVER IT IS, THERE'S A BIG PILL OWNERSHIP HERE THAT IS
OZEMPIC. I'LL JUST REMEMBER.
AT ONE POINT, BIDEN SAID HE DIDN'T EXPEL SO MUCH
REPUBLICAN -- EXPECT SO MUCH REPUBLICAN PUSH BACK OF HIS
AGENDA. HE'S ONLY BEEN THERE FOR FORTY
EIGHT YEARS. OR UKRAINE, T THE BIDEN
ADMINISTRATION ANNOUNCED THEY WOULD MAKE AVAILABLE, HUNDREDS
OF THOUSANDS OF N-95 BE MAFGZ, THE BEST EXAMPLE OF JUNE, 2020!
MASKS WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR FREE, AT PHARMACIES, YOU KNOW,
PHARMACIES, THE PLACE WHERE THIRD OF THE COUNTRY REFUSES TO
GO IN ORDER TO GET A FREE VACCINE.
THIS IS TRUE, THEY'RE RELEASING THE MASKS FROM SOMETHING CALLED
THE "STRATEGIC NATIONAL STOCKPILE."
"STRATEGIC NATIONAL STOCKPILE," IS WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
LANDED ON AFTER THEY REJECTED THE TERM,"AMRICA'S SIY
LITTLE JUNK DRAWER." IF YOU COULD STOCKPILE ONE ITEM,
ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD YOU STOCKPILE?
>> Reggie: ANYTHING AND IT'S MINE?
>> James: UH-HUH. >> Reggie: CASH.
>> James: LET'S NOT BE THE GUY YOU'VE GOT THREE WISHES, AND
IT'S 100 MORE WISHES, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE CASH.
>> THAT GUY IS RIGHT. WE GIVE HIM (BLEEP) BUT HE'S
RIGHT. IF YOU ASKED MORE MORE WISHES
AND YOU ARE THE GUY THAT GOT THAT LOOPHOLE IT'S GOOD TO BE.
>> James: YOU KNOW WHEN PEOPLE GO YOU HAVE ANY THREE
WISHES YOU CAN'T ASK FOR INFINITE WISHES, YOU CAN'T
SAY -- REG WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR?
>> Reggie: UNSWEETENED FLAX MILK.
>> James: I ACTUALLY SAW UNSWEETENED FLASHING MILK OPENED
FOR HIPPOCAMPUS. >> Reggie: IT'S ONLY 35
CALORIES PER GLASS. >> James: THAT'S IT.
WHAT ABOUT YOU LOUIE WHAT WOULD YOU STOCKPILE?
>> CONDOMS. >> I KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD
STOCKPILE. >> James: WHAT?
>> EVERYTHING, I'VE BEEN INSIDE YOUR GARAGE.
>> James: THAT IS JEWELS, NOT ME.
>> ALL IN YOUR GARAGE. >> James: THAT'S JULES.
I WAS AGAINST THE ENTIRE THING. DARLING, WE ARE NOT GOING TO
WAR, PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO START (BLEEP)ING GOING TO WAR.
AS FAR AS I'M AWARE, THIS IS NOT A SIMPSON.
SHE'S LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW THAT. MOVING ON, NEW YORK'S
ATTORNEY GENERAL HAS FILED A MOTION ALLEGING QUOTE,
"SIGNIFICANT EVIDENCE" OF FRAUD WITHIN THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION -
AND IS NOW SEEKING TO SUBPOENA DONALD TRUMP AND TWO OF HIS
CHLDREN, DON JUNIOR AND IVANKA. I MEAN, THIS COULD BE HUGE.
THIS COULD BE HUGE. YEAH.
A NEW SUBPOENA FOR TRUMP TO COMPLETELY IGNORE WITHOUT ANY
CONSEQUENCES WHATSOEVER! TRUMP IS ACCUSED OF OVER -VALUING
HIS PROPERTIES FOR THINGS LIKE LOANS, WHILE UNDER -VALUING THEM
FOR THE PURPOSES OF PAYING TAXES.
ACCUSATIONS WHICH TRUMP IS CALLING "PRETTY GENIUS, RIGHT?"
BUT THIS IS NICE, THEY'RE INTERVIEWING DONALD JUNIOR,
IVANKA, AND HAVE ALREADY TALKED TO ERIC.
MAKING THIS THE FIRST TIME TIFFANY WAS HAPPY TO BE
EXCLUDED. AND THINGS ONLY GOT WORSE FOR
TRUMP TODAY. THIS EVENING, THE SUPREME COURT
REJECTED A REQUEST BY TRUMP TO BLOCK WHITE HOUSE RECORDS FROM
BEING SENT TO THE JANUARY 6 COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING CAPITOL
RIOT. YEAH.
I BET TRUMP DIDN'T LIKE THAT. I BET HE LOST IT ON THE
SUPREME COURT GROUP TEXT AFTER THAT.
TRUMP'S ONLY GOT ONE MOVE LEFT AFTER THIS.
AND THE WORST PART OF ALL THIS FOR TRUMP IS THAT HE CAN'T
RESPOND ON TWITTER. HE'S ABOUT THIS CLOSE TO GETTING
ON TIKTOK. IF I WAS TRUMP I'LLFULLY GET ON
TIKTOK. MAKE THAT A DANCE.
HERE IS AN INTERESTING STORY. THE C.E.O. OF AIRBNB HAS
ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL NOW WORK REMOTELY FULL-TIME, MOVING TO A
DIFFERENT RENTAL PROPERTY OFFERED BY THE COMPANY EVERY TWO
WEEKS. YEAH.
SO, HE'S ON VACATION. THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING.
HE'S GOING ON A MULTI-YEAR- LONG VACATION.
IT'S ALL PART OF HIS PLAN TO SAVE UP ENOUGH MONEY TO
EVENTUALLY STAY AT A DECENT HOTEL.
AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
OSCAR MEYER HAS JUST INTRODUCED A HYDRATING FACIAL SHEET MASK
THAT LOOKS LIKE. A SLICE OF BALONEY.
SERIOUSLY. HERE IT IS HERE.
IT'S GUARANTEED TO LEAVE YOU LOOKING FIVE YEARS YOUNGER.
AND SMELLING LIKE A THIRD GRADER'S LUNCH BOX.
CAN WE SEE THAT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU JUST PUT SOME
CUCUMBERS OVER YOUR EYES YOU'VE GOT A PRETTY BALANCED
DIET. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT A BALONEY
FACE MASK. BUT IT IS BETTER THAN OSCAR
MEYER'S FIRST IDEA FOR A BEAUTY PRODUCT.
HOT DOG HAIR ROLLERS. AND THAT, WOULD YOU BELIEVE, IS
THE NEWS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"LATE LATE SHOW!" ♪ ♪ ♪S