There are many things the world wants women to be.
This is episode 6 of Lessons of Life and Life: Promising Young Woman.
Cassy looks the way the world wants women to look: pretty,
soft and pink. But, underneath it all, is a boiling pot of rage.
She's unapologetic, hostile and clinging to trauma.
Her determination to right the wrongs of the past
makes us question what kind of world we're living in.
Jerry: It's ok. You're safe. Shh.
Jerry: Mm. My God, your body
Cassandra: What are you doing?
Cassandra: Hey. I said, what are you doing?
Most of us walk through life with unconscious bias.
And this story makes a point of it:
here's a sugary shell that subverts expectations and unravels in all seriousness.
Cassie is a 30 year med school drop-out who's devoted herself
to trolling for would-be rapists in bars.
Her life was derailed after a traumatic event at the hands of men.
Now, her mission is simple: teach men the laws of consent night after night, week after week.
She uses her lolled out, fake-drunk body as bait,
waiting to see who wants to hook up with a barely responsive human.
As they try to manoeuvre her out of her clothes, she snaps back, stone-cold sober.
That moment that "What are you doing?" is what we as a society should wonder.
Her actions act as a moral mirror, jarring them into self-reflection, if only for a moment.
Neil: Wait. What is this? Are you some kind of psycho, or something?
Cassandra: Why do you say that?
Neil: I just thought that you were
Cassandra: Drunk?
Neil: Yeah!
Cassandra: Really drunk?!
Neil: Yeah.
Cassandra: Well I'm not. But that's good, isn't it?
Neil: I think you should leave.
If sober suddenly isn't sexy, what does that say about us?
Can we really not stand women in their right minds? As intellectual beings?
As Cassie puts it:
Who needs brains? They never did a girl any good.
Unfortunately, despite our best hopes, it's impossible to deny the
Meaning: Potential doesn't equate success.
A lot in life comes down to pure luck.
The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life.
People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck.
It's scary to think so much is out of one's control.
A huge part of this luck is dependent on the body we're born into:
with white men from solid socio-economic backgrounds running laps round everyone else.
Of course, we can consider luck in different ways. Either it inspires us
to not depend on any privilege we might have, overcompensate on talent and ignore hard work.
We realise we have to push forward,
invest in our natural inclinations, and pursue mastery, as Robert Greene would say.
Instead of carrying around a doctorate like her classmates,
misfortune pushed Cassie into submission. Her dreams dead,
she nurses her grief and rebels by self-correcting unspoken societal norms.
The dramatic detour in her career trajectory also highlights a societal truth:
the people around her want her life to turn out a way they feel comfortable with.
Ryan: We were in class together at Forrest Med School. Second year neurology, Dr. Hadid's class.
Cassandra: Oh. Yeah. Ryan. Hi.
Ryan: God. Why are you working here? Or, I didn't mean – That was rude. I didn't.
Cassandra: You didn't mean, what am I doing working in a s**tty coffee shop?
The onus is on women to reflect what society projects.
And when it's not clean-cut, it's a threat.
Since society likes to tell women what they want.
Cassandra: Look, you're making the assumption that I want any of it. If I wanted a boyfriend,
and a yoga class, and a house, and kids, and a job my mom could brag about, I'd have done it.
It would take me ten minutes. I don't want it. I don't want it.
Gail: But you must want something.
Her life has been in standstill. She seems to want to turn back time, rewrite the wrongs.
Barring that, her mission is having everyone admit their complicity, guilt, and actually apologise.
Living in the past is her cry against the misogyny that's so embedded in society.
Unfortunately, there are certain undeniable forces she's fighting against
When it comes to luck, most white men win the jackpot.
They're afforded not only male privilege, but also moral authority.
Men get the benefit of the doubt for their potential.
Sadly, not many see it that way.
They use their voice to spread the status quo, their self-importance a silencer.
They market themselves as meaning well.
Neil: Oh, my God. You are so, so pretty. But why are you wearing all that makeup?
Do you mind me asking? I never understood why women wear so much makeup. It's like you guys
are so much more beautiful without it. It's like guys don't even like that kind of stuff,
you know? It's just this soul-sucking system meant to oppress women, and it's f*ed up
Their quote-unquote kindness perpetuates
hypocrisy that holds women back from experiencing life on their own terms.
Why do some men feel it's their duty, their right,
to tell women how to look, dress, be? To assume they know her wants and desires?
Sadly, many don't realise how they make others feels. It's THAT ingrained.
Others couldn't care less if they can get away with it.
Which brings us to The Nice Guy Trope.
Self-Described Nice Guy: Illustrated
Of course, all the men Cassie meets would never call their intended actions as rape – even to themselves.
They're self-described nice guys, after all.
They only want to make sure she's ok, get her home safe.
And then, perhaps she'll want a drink on the ride back.
Jerry: Here we go my lady.
Her trick is in seeing who takes advantage.
Why are they drawn to her when she's obliterated, alone and as vulnerable as possible?
Once she's stone-cold sober, Nice Guy of the Night recoils.
Violated.
And begging she leave.
The thought of bedding a teetotal woman too much to bare.
Her ruse forces them into a confrontation with themselves:
Why are they so horrified that the person they're groping isn't blackout drunk after all?
In a just world, it would inspire them to think twice, and change.
Still, many may easily choose to dismiss themselves as not like that, or different.
But that overlooks the point.
Delving deeper into our blindspots, we'll find many uncomfortable truths.
University Dean: What would you have me do? Ruin a young man's life every time we get an accusation like this?
Cassie: So you're happy to take the boy's word for this?
University Dean: I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The He Said, She Said Fallacy
When it comes to he said, she said allegations, Emerald Fennell,
the writer and director of the film says: "what's so disturbing to me is that you so often find
both [parties] are saying the same thing happened; they just felt very differently about it."
This film gives us a lesson in having an open-mind. By overthrowing expectations,
and shocking us with its harrowing end, it reminds us to look beyond how things seem.
And to reconsider our tendencies of thought.
It'd be too unfortunate if we all need a triggering event to jolt
us into becoming more multiculturally considerate.
Cassie's story is reminiscent of another covered in this series: I May Destroy You.
There, we followed Arabella, a successful writer dealing with the
emotional wreckage of her own sexual assault after being drugged by a stranger at a bar.
Both are post-MeToo works that try to understand how to reckon with rape culture.
As sexual violence disrupts their lives and derails their narratives..
The two woman give us different takes on processing trauma:
Arabella chooses to carry on living (and not merely existing) in the face of such events.
Cassie shows us what happens when someone actively resists living.
Both are valid expressions of our culture's inability
to properly address consent and violence against women.
They show us closure is a slippery state, one not so easily defined.
Perhaps it's not even fully attainable at all.
Trauma comes with swings of mood and decision-making.
It's harsh, unpredictable, and unsettling.
Both woman take out their pain on the patriarchal system that enabled it.
Sadly, searching for redemption or revenge is a relief they'll never find.
Righteous anger can crush a person as effectively as trauma can.
Yet, unlike Cassie, Arabella shows us what life after trauma can look like.
It becomes clear that releasing rage is not weakness, but an act of self-care.
Both women show the struggle to find a way forward.
Arabella seems to find a way, Cassie finds a bittersweet resolution beyond the grave.
That's why we mustn't turn a blind eye. Rage can be a sanctuary, and a dead end.
But it doesn't need to come to that.
When we see injustice and actually speak out,
we create a slither less chance that a life is needlessly ruined.
So call out what you see.
Aren't we all tired knowing that...
Behind every "promising young man," is a woman who got burned.
Understand that people's instinct is often to hide and ignore anything unpleasant.
But that just supports what we already know.
Instead, promise comes when we pledge to point out inequality even when it's easier to stay silent.