(upbeat instrumental music)
- I will turn the program over now to someone
whose accent falsely makes you believe can trust him.
(laughing)
John Oliver, John.
(laughing)
(cheering and clapping)
- Thank you.
Thank you, John.
Thank you John and please, please.
Before I continue, let me assure my viewers
that from now on, there will be no pussying out.
- Taxation is slavery.
- New Jersey has the highest property tax in the nation.
- I know.
What are you getting for it?
Because it is an awful state?
- Exactly.
It's not an awful state.
It's a great state.
- Oh.
- It's the government that's awful.
- Right.
- The Democrats are awful.
- It's just you look around Jersey and you think,
where is the money going, because I just don't see it
in this state.
- Yes.
- It just seems like a wasteland.
- I am from a small town, so I can tell you exactly
what that means.
- Well that's what I'd like you to do.
- It's real people, real values, common sense.
- Can you be more generic?
- Mic check.
- [Crowd] Mic check.
- Mic check.
- [Crowd] Mic check.
- Can I try?
- Yes.
- Okay. (grunts)
Mic check.
- [Crowd] Mic check.
- The human microphone.
- [Crowd] The human microphone.
- While well-intentioned.
- [Crowd] While well-intentioned.
- Is incredibly annoying.
- [Crowd] Is incredibly annoying.
- And embodies everything.
- [Crowd] And embodies everything.
- That people find frustrating.
- [Crowd] That people find frustrating.
- About movements like this.
- [Crowd] About movements like this.
- What do you have to say about CNN?
John Oliver.
- They are goat (beeping), John.
(laughing)
(cheering and clapping)
Pure and simple.
An organization whose sole desire and drive
is the pursuit and seduction of goats.
(laughing)
For the purpose of (beeping) them.
(laughing)
Leroy, you want to ban this word, Larry.
(beeping)
Thank you.
What he said.
Is the word.
(beeping)
Offensive to everyone or just to.
(beeping)
No, no, no, no, I was saying I was just,
I was just pointing.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't use that term, please.
If black people enjoy doing it,
it must be stopped.
- Right.
- Well those times it's black people who are overdoing it,
because now it's other races that are doing it.
- Well they did it first.
- We did do it first, Leroy.
You do know they don't even have a teleprompter
at Fox News, it's just a man jangling his keys
above the camera.
If they're stupid, John, staggeringly, achingly,
almost inspiringly stupid.
- John, what is the status right now of the NFL dispute?
- Two families both alike in dignity,
one the referee, the other the League of National
Football, is locked in dispute ages old.
- John Oliver, you have almost overnight,
improved exponentially.
(laughing)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
No, strike over.
Strike over.
Good news, everyone.
We've reached a settlement.
- No, no, no, no.
No settlement.
You don't work here anymore, Oliver.
As far as I'm concerned, I just traded up my '83 Toyota
for a Maserati.
(cheering and clapping)
- Welcome to The Daily Show.
I am John Oliver.
Great show for you tonight.
Fareed Zakaria will be joining us.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
- What?
- What are you doing?
- You resigned your chair.
- It's a (beeping) bit.
- What?
- We were doing a bit, we were just talking
about that story.
- Get out of my (beeping) chair.
(laughing)
- Sorry to miss the rest.
Have a great show.
I was kidding.
I was kidding about.
You wanna get that seen too.
- Yes, I will.
- That's a problem, that's a problem.
- Get that seen too.
- That's a problem.
John Stewart.
- We'll be right back.
(cheering and clapping)