(Music)
(Muffled voices)
Layla (inner voice): “How are you Layla?
"I’m fine, how are you?”
Layla (inner voice): Loads of peoply-people
invading my house, expecting me to act like them….
(sigh) Parties are my worst nightmare
Layla (outer): My headphones! Dad!
Layla (inner voice) Everything sounds everywhere now.
Dad: People will think you don’t want to talk to them.
Layla (inner): People would be correct.
Dad: It’s only 180 minutes of your life.
Layla (inner voice): Sounds now mixing together,
spilling out, spilling in... all around me -
tangled, tinny tumbleweed.
Dad: Layla can you get some drinks please.
Layla (outer voice) : ‘Sorry, Layla’s brain is processing…
Please leave a message, after the tone...BLEEP
Granny: Oh darling girl!
What are you talking about?’
Layla (inner) : I want to do this for mum.
Don’t know if I can.
(Tap, tap tap noises can be heard)
Gran: Layla, stop tapping your head.
Layla (inner voice) : They don’t like it
but it helps me feel calm.
(DOORBELL)
Layla (inner voice): Here comes the invasion.
Outer face smiling. Don’t stare.
Remember the five things…
(Music)
Granny: Darling, are these gluten-free cakes, do you know?
Layla (inner voice): Don’t tap, don’t tap.
Look at all that food touching other food.
Would biscuits really be friends with a pasta salad?
Maybe this is why I don’t fit in -
I’m the biscuit, they’re the salad.
WE DON’T BELONG ON THE SAME PLATE!
Aunt 1: Layla! why aren’t you out there
with the other young people?
Layla (outer voice) : I’m fine here, thanks
Layla (inner voice): The other young people
don’t seem to like me very much
Aunt 1: Gosh! Your sister really is catching up with you.
What’s that look for? It’s a party!
Layla (inner voice): Am I staring? I’ve literally
no idea what my face is doing.
How does everyone else know how to act?
(Child roars)
(Layla roars like a lion)
Adult: Sorry she’s a bit shy -
Have you told her your names?
Layla (inner voice) I wish I could have come in fancy dress,
then I wouldn’t have to be here as me.
Aunt 2: I heard about her diagnosis
Dad: ‘It's taken, you know, a little while to sink in but
she’s on the spectrum.
Aunt 2: I didn’t realise it affected girls.
Dad: No, neither did we.
Layla (internal): I’m not deaf you know. Or invisible.
Granny (whispering): You’ve always been special to me.
I don’t know why give people labels.
Everyone makes such a fuss these days, don't they?
But you’re just you and you’re unique.
(Cutlery falls off table)
Layla (inner voice): CUTLERY AVALANCHE!
Make it go away.
Focus on something.
I can do this.
Dad: Come on everyone! In here!
She’s going to be here soon.
Layla (inner voice): Oh no it’s all happening -
here's the champagne.
I can't move.
I’ll never get through all of them
(Loud explosion of a champagne cork) (Cheering)
Need to keep calm.
Dad: And the lights please.
Remember the exercise.
5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch,
3 things I can hear...
EVERYONE: Surprise!
Layla (inner voice): Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum!
Layla (inner voice): No no no no no.
Ellie to Layla: Look the cake is coming out. Looks, it's amazing.
Layla (inner voice) I need to get out.
Five things, remember.
Like, can I...
Five things, five things...
(People sing happy birthday)
I can't hear. Remember. I can’t… Hear... See.. Can’t see.
Mum: Layla, are you ok? It's OK darling, come on. Come with me.
Sweetheart, it's ok.
(Knock on door)
Mum: Hey, how are you doing?
I brought you some cake.
Layla (inner voice): I ruined it, didn't I? I always ruin things.
Mum: I think dad got a bit carried away there.
You know what he’s like.
I don’t think he realised how hard it would be for you.
Do you know what? It's going to get easier for us to help you now.
Now that we know.
Layla (outer voice) 'No more surprises.'
Mum: 'It's a deal.”
Layla (outer voice): Happy birthday mum.
Mum: Aw, thank you darling.
You take as long as you need.
(Headphones back on, soothing music plays.)
Layla (inner voice): At least Mum gets it.
I wish it could be easier, but it’s exhausting.
I’ll be recovering from this for days.
I want to fit in but sometimes I need to fit myself out.
Just leave, escape.
I’m here. Where I need to be, where it’s safe.
It’ll be ok.
And maybe sometime in the future, it’ll be easier.
(VOICE OF GIRLS WITH AUTISM)
“I don’t think you’d have known I was autistic
until you put me in a birthday party setting.”
“I’d practise conversations, so I’d practice
what they might say to me, how I’d introduce myself,
or how if they’d introduce themselves what I’d say.”
“I consider facial expressions before I make them,
because a lot of it is practising being neurotypical.”
“When I’m anxious my brain flashes things at me,
like, really fast. My head will go all fizzy."
"Kind of like when you’re at the tube stop
and you know the tube goes past really quickly,
it’s kind of like that.”
“It seems to build up and up and up and then...
It’s like you can hear everything
and it’s in layers and it’s so overwhelming.”
“I just go into shut-down
and just wouldn’t be able to do anything.
If I was that tired from a social scenario
I’d literally just have to crawl under the duvet
and put stuff on it.”
“You know you try really hard to come across
as neurotypical and then it just means
that people don’t realise that you actually
do struggle with things.”