Blackcatamaran asks:
What kind of things will kill you in Korea?
In the US we have rattlesnakes, brown recluse spiders, crocodiles and alligators,
tornadoes, hurricanes, dust storms and blizzards.
What do you have to be wary of there?
That sounds kind of scary living in the USA.
I know. The way that you described it makes me fear for my life.
Now the one thing we're worried about is, that
we're going to mention some things that Can kill you here
But doesn't mean that you have to be very afraid of it
Because some of these situations are rather rare
But possible.
And I also feel like they have never happened to us because we kind of
live in the city.
But... [S]Except the one thing that you should be afraid of
in Korea. That can kill you.
And will mess you up:
Taxi drivers.
They don't mess around.
A significant portion of our friends have been hit by taxis.
Walking, on their bicycles, on their actual motorcycles.
And all of them were right an the taxis were in the wrong.
It wasn't them doing something illegal.
They sing in kpop videos about it
We need to do a:
World's deadliest creatures Korea
Where we are lying in the bushes, crawling and videotaping taxi drivers
Onto the less aggressive animals:
Imagine this:
You're enjoying a calm, peaceful outing in Jeju Do or Busan
With the ocean splashing. It's so relaxing.
Except for that man-sized jellyfish.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, a man-sized jellyfish.
These things get to 2 meters.
I'm huge, but I'm a 195cm.
This thing is bigger than me.
It's called the nomura jellyfish.
Actually it's called the Nomuras jellyfish.
It's not vingardium leviosa, it's vingardium leviosa.
It's not pronounced Gangnam, it's pronounced Gangnam.
I'm trolling you guys.
So this thing freaks the hell out of us.
Because we had friends in Yeosu at the time when they had the big expo.
The Yeosu Expo. Like a year or two ago.
And we were like: yeah, let's come down to visit.
We heard they had nice beaches.
And they said "yeah, the beaches are nice except they've got these gigantic jellyfish
That kind of make it unable for you..."
And I'm like "Hey, I don't even wanna come anywhere close"
The ocean is a scary pit of death.
That's probably the only thing that I'm actually scared of.
I'll still go in the ocean but I'll go in the ocean wearing those jelly-shoes for the water
And in the ocean I'm like this
The whole time.
I've got my pepper-spray just in case something comes at me.
That's what surfers needed in Australia.
Ocean is terrifying.
Yes. I don't know how you guys do it.
Because in Australia you hear about the areas that are known as the
Shark reef attack zone
And people are like "I'll risk my chance swimming this week"
For me, I notice this all of the time and this is one of the generalizations of people living in Australia
THIS GIANT SPIDER IS GOING TO KILL YOU .
AND THIS COCKROACH IS THE SIZE OF A MAN!
It doesn't actually affect a lot of people.
But it's still freakin terrifying.
Yeah. So the giant jellyfish scare me.
It's not like they are trying to eat you.
Well not we know of.
Not we know of.
But there have been cases of people being stung by jellyfish.
And I'm pretty sure a little 8-year old girl in Korea died from it actually.
Yes. Of jellyfish sting.
Fact: stay of of the water.
Thing #2 in Korea that will kill you:
Say that you want to stay away from the beach
because you're afraid of the jellyfish.
So you go into the middle of the woods.
Because you're thinking "I'm as far from these gigantic jellyfish as possible.
Hurk. What's that there rustling in the bushes?
Is that a cute puppy?
Or is that a wild boar?
Yes. The metwaeji (멧왜지)
Apparently they attack people in the cities as well.
Yes. Sorry, you're not safe Simon.
Ok, I just wanna say:
We have never seen a wild boar in the cities here.
No, not Seoul.
I'm saying that they've been coming out of the woods lately
And heading over... It's kind of like bears.
You hear about bears in Canada
Like attacking people in towns.
And people are like "There must be bears all over Canada"
When it's more like towns in the middle of the woods.
And it was actually in a very famous Korean drama.
Which you did not watch.
But I'm going to sing you a song and see if you know the drama.
Ready?
3, 2... I will promise you seubadamdabadabamduuuumabitchezzz
I will promise you
You don't know the rest of it? [S]No.
Who was it about?
Um...
Somebody's bitches? [M]No.
That wasn't even in the song.
Ok, it's about a girl who pretends to be a guy
which is not narrowing the sound for you
EVERY KOREAN DRAMAAAAAA
And she joins a band.
And she pretends to be the male singer in the band.
But she is actually a nun.
Or practicing to be a nun.
Is this legitimately passed as a plot in a Korean drama?
Yes. It was a good one... She had a twin brother, that's why.
What we're trying to talk about here is wild freakin boars that kill people.
It's from "You are beautiful" [S]Ok [M] That's what it was from
So in "You are beautiful" there is this wild boar infestation
that goes around killing all the Kpop bands [M]What are you talking about?
Ok. No. What happened was: Taekyung who is in the TVshow
Goes to the wilderness and he is like "Wow, it's so relaxing, everything's so great"
It's not Taekyung, it's Takyung.
A wild boar chases him in the woods, he runs away screaming and he's very upset and that's the whole thing.
And we're done talking about wild boars.
Wild boars can mess you up.
They've got bandanas and everything.
And they're like "You came to the wrong hood, motherf..."
Situation #3:
You're scared of the jellyfish i the water
And you're scared of the boar on the ground
So you put a jetpack on so you could hover about all of these things and not be affected.
Good plan.
But you're still going through the woods. Beautiful woods and trees.
And then you hear the faint buzzing in the distance.
What's that?
It's coming to kill you.
It's a giant Asian wasp.
I'm sure it's a hornet.
Fuck.
Wasps and hornets I don't know know the difference.
The 말벌 (Malbeol) which has the coolest name ever...
Seriously. It sounds like Balrog from LOTR.
Like THE GIANT MALBOL IS COMING TO ATTACK US!
I can only thing of Malboro from FF, that giant thing with tentacles all around his face
I thought that was a cigarette...
Marlboro? [S]No, it's... it sounds like that too.
But I think of FF in stead of cancer sticks.
Well I wasn't thinking of cancer sticks, I was thinking of LOTR,
Which is much cooler.
Anyways.
Final Fantasy is better than LOTR
Come at me bro!
I AIN'T SCUUUUUURED!
Ok, well... Let me give you a quick description of what it's like to watch you play FF
Friends, Friendship! Friends and friendship I miss Snow.
Snow, Lightning and my friends and friendship.
Five minutes of actual battle.
Cut sequences.
GubUBBLy Bubbly Pokapokapok
I'm playing FF XIII too at the moment.
[s]Who writes these scripts? [M]I hate you the Kupopo and then you throw him as far as you can.
What were we talking about again?
Malbeol~
Um... These are giant wasps *glances at Simon* [S]Hornets? [M]Yes.
I was Testing you and fell for it again!
No you actually stuttered... [M]No, I looked at you.
Here is a cigarette lighter
And here is the size of these hornets.
They are freakin huge.
If you look it up online and then just be horrified by the images you find.
There is actually a Korean movie that was based off of these things.
It's called Chaw (차우) and I haven't seen it but Soozee told us about it
But it's supposed to be a comedy action horror about these giant wasp monster thingies [but isn't it about a boar?]
And it's not something that's made up. Not like the Sharknado that you have to be afraid of
What do you mean? Sharknado is not real?
Er Mai Gurd~
Anyhow. Hornets will kill you man.
Ok, why you would s... [S]Badly.
Ok, so normally they don't really reside in the city as usual it's the countrysides that are horrifying.
And what I read about is that they don't usually interact with humans
But when people will go back to the grave sites for the Chuseok to clean off the graves
or visit
Maybe a giant wasp nest has been made *glances at Simon*
Hornets.
And then they are like "What's this? We should clean it!"
And then they hit it and they are like whuzzzzzzzzzzzz
And they rip all of the flesh off of your body
I don't think that's how they work.
They probably just sting people.
But... They are really scary and large, and big, and I don't like them.
Scenarion #4: you just watched a TL;DR on World's most deadliest creatures
hanging out in the Korean countryside
And you said to yourself:screw mother nature
I'm going to hang out in the safe safe city.
You sit down for some nice samgyeopsal and you're grilling and everything is fine
And then on the TV in the distance comes on a TV show
About THE WORLD'S DEADLIEST WAYS TO DIE FROM THINGS YOU DIDN'T EXPECT YOU COULD DIE FROM IN KOREA.
Many times when we go to restaurants they play this TV show
That shows you the weird things that you could dies from in Korea
Which isn't really the food... Like I don't want to eat food and watch this TV show at the same time
Like, they had this one in which a guy ate some kimchi and then he drank milk and he died
from the kimchi-milk combination.
And they show him dying
And they are like: did he die from this?
and they show the scenery of how he died
You can die from this. And they show the inside of the body
Like where things went terribly wrong
And I'm like "I really don't wanna... watch this..."
And some of the causes that people die from are really bizarre
Like there's this one old lady that whenever she flushed her toilet
after curling out a dookie
She wouldn't put the seat down.
And what we're supposed to be told is that
you're supposed to put the seat down
Because every you flushed, all of the farticles would come up to the air
Which is a scientific term, by the way
The farticles. So the lid prevents them from going out
Because it's air-tight.
Anyhow. She kept on flushing for many years
With all of these dookies and farticles going everywhere
And it spread all around the bathroom.
Onto her contact lenses and her toothbrush
And she got an eye infection from the farticles
But her eye infection almost killed her
Because supposedly it was a really bad. She got sicker and sicker and sicker.
But she didn't die from it in the end.
One guy ripped out his nose hairs and it became and infection
And he got meningitis from it
And DIED.
Yes. But I think you could just get an infection from [S]Many things not concerning your nose hairs
And my favorite one that we saw was that
Grandfather who went to sleep in bed
And then his grandson comes into the room
And jumps on the bed.
He doesn't jump on the bed to wake up his grandfather
He actually physically jumped on his grandfather
To wake him up
Leading cause of death in senior citizens:
Asshole kids
Jumping on grandfathers' chest
What's funny about it is that wasn't even the highlight of the show.
Then the grandfather gets up and then he gets pain and then he dies
And they're like: How did the grandfather die?
And I'm like: Are you going to rewind the fact that you just raised your kids to jump on somebody?
Who raises their kid to jump on somebody?
Is this Super Mario?
I don't know...
That was a funny joke.
I was gonna phase that one out.
We're going to talk about a couple of more causes of death in our blogpost.
So make sure to click on the link here
If you want to learn how to die.
And oh my, if you guys had any experiences with this in Korea
I'm especially curious
because a lot of people do live in the countryside
Please let us know if you've seen these magical boars
And if you've seen these jellyfish.
Or if you've come in contact with those horrifying giant wasps.
Also if you've seen man bear pigs
They are Hornets!
And you didn't...
Oh so grumpy...
That's it for this week's TL;DR
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Where we teach you about ways to Live in Korea
Rather than die.
And if you want to learn how to Live in Korea
You should avoid hanging out wit sasaengs
Because that's one of the deadliest ways to die.
Those girls are crazy
They Crazy, son.