The alleged final chapter of the middle-earth saga, once again directed by New Zealand's
own Peter Jackson, was released nationwide on November 17, 2014 - and will undoubtedly
pull a sizable profit, despite its mammoth quarter-of-a-billion dollar budget.
Picking up right where the previous installment foolishly ended, this PG-13 rated narrative
follows several parallel groups of players as they impatiently engage in a massive war
for poorly explained reasons.
Indeed, the first-half of this picture is spent listening to talking-heads argue about
an impending battle.
So even though this is the shortest middle-earth movie yet at 144 minutes... it still feels
painfully slow.
Opening with what should have been the explosive ending to the last picture, this film is a
non-stop string of proper-nouns and unnecessarily lengthy exposition.
I mean hell, even the title is long-winded.
Martin Freeman once again leads the huge group as the title character... walking barefoot
in his bathrobe around the chaotic battlefield like it's just a walk to his fridge, even
questioning an ally, "Are we okay to stand here?".
Richard Armitage is the only other person worth mentioning, who receives the slight
majority of the screentime...
hyping up his dwarf companions for another pointless fight by asking them, "Will you
follow me, one last time?"
The entire cast from nearly all previous installments also return here... which is honestly not
a good thing, as few are given anything important to say or do.
One scene has three familiar faces from the "Lord Of The Rings" trilogy fighting some
invisible soldiers or something... in a sequence that has absolutely no consequence to the
rest of the story.
I don't even care if it's in the original book; it felt like pointless fan-service,
and definitely should have been removed.
I mean, for crying out loud...
Christopher Lee is 92 years old!
There's no reason he had to get off of his bed pan for this dumb scene.
You know that classic action-movie staple, where a character is saved at the last moment
from a previously unseen ally?
Or when someone stares into the distance, reacting to something off-screen we haven't
seen yet?
Yeah, both of these things happen about 20 times in "The Battle Of The Five Armies",
and after the first few, they no longer carries any dramatic tension whatsoever.
Even the titular battle is a bore... it's a silly collection of chroma-keyed violence
devoid of suspense or dynamic moments that made a similar sequence
in "The Two Towers" so memorable.
Later, the movie very figuratively "jumps the shark" with a preposterous scene that
has Orlando Bloom hopping up falling stones like it's a staircase... the physics of this
maneuver, even in a magical fantasy land, are so absurd, it's impossible not to laugh.
This is immediately after an equally ridiculous moment when he falls onto a giant troll, piercing
the back of its neck with his elfish blade.
Bloom then proceeds to control the beast like he's having a piggyback ride.
But if you don't take the events seriously, there's a lot of fun to be had, and aside
from a few battle-shots, the visual effects work by Weta Digital is impressive, as always.
Howard Shore's score is excellent as well, but the most effective beats rely on re-used
cues from the first trilogy.
Occasionally, when the film does settle down to one-on-one fights and dialogue, it can
be interesting, exciting, and moving.
Watching these characters finally get a much-needed conclusion is also plenty satisfying.
It's just unfortunate that after six films, Jackson still hasn't learned the importance
of the phrase, "less is more" - opting to cram this final installment with so much unnecessary
bloat, it begins to collapse under its own weight.
And for what it's worth, I can almost guarantee this won't be the last time we see middle-earth.
An entertaining and competently made diversion, but probably the least substantive and shallow
J.R.R.
Tolkein adaptation yet, "The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies" is an enjoyable mess of
empty thrills and pointless characters.
And here are some of your reviews.
As has been the trend, you scored this higher than I did, calling it GREAT.
I was somewhat disappointed with this final chapter... but I still thought it was pretty
COOL.