- You just celebrated-- you and Nancy celebrated
your 20 year wedding anniversary...
- We did, yeah. - Which is a big deal.
- Yeah.
- And you met working on "The Daily Show."
No, you didn't, you met-- - Second City, yeah.
- Yeah. So, and how did you--
did you have a pick-up line, or how did you--
- We were terrible. We--
she used to work-- I worked at Second City.
She was taking classes there, but she worked as a bartender
across the street, and I used to go in after shows
and, you know, try to strike up a conversation.
We were both very, very timid, sort of nervous, shy people
around each other, and the conversation
would go something, like, "Hey, you know,
"if I were ever to ask a woman out,
it would be someone like you, exactly like you."
And she'd say, "If a guy like you were ever to ask
a woman like me out, I would definitely do that."
But this went on for weeks.
It didn't-- and other people at the bar
must have been, like, "Just do it.
Put us all out of our misery."
And finally, we-- finally, we did, and it was great.
- Finally--like, who was the person who made
the actual statement of,
"It is you, not someone like you."
I think I actually said,
"So you want to go out?"
I mean, it's-- I ac--
when you--I was watching your segment before.
I actually got on the phone,
and I remember the first girl I ever asked out on a date,
a girl named Lisa Miller. I was in eighth grade.
And all my buddies on the hockey team said,
"You gotta do it. You gotta--we're gonna--
"there's, like, five of us going out with our girlfriends,
"and we're all gonna go to a movie.
"You gotta ask Lisa.
Everybody says that she likes you."
I'm, like, "Really? Okay."
And I was so nervous.
And I got on the phone and her dad picked up.
"Hi, this is Steve Carell." You know, I tried to--
you know, I was polite. "Is Lisa there?"
She got on the phone, "Lisa, would you like to
go to the movie? A group is going on Friday."
And she just said, "No, I don't."
No excuse, nothing.
Just like, " I really don't want to do that."
And I never asked another girl out on a date.
Like, I never-- I know, sad.
But I never did.
I never had the guts to actually call a girl
on the phone after that. Texting would be fantastic.
- Yeah. - Like,
"Are you go to the date?"
"Yes, I are--" Like, you know.
It's so easy.
- You became a caveman just now.
- That's why she didn't go out with me.
- 'Cause you don't have to make those sounds
when you're texting. You can--
- Really? - No.
- That's not what--
- There's no need to make noises.
- I thought it was--I thought it was voice activated.
- It's no--well, there's that, too.
- Oh, okay. I'm not tech savvy.
- No. But isn't Lisa sad now?
- I don't know. - But that's Lisa's loss.
No, she's sad. She's looking at this going,
"Ugh. I could have been Nancy."
I learned today that you own a general store.
- Yeah. - In Massachusetts.
- We do, yeah. - What area?
- It's on the south shore.
It's in a little town called Marshfield,
and it's the Marshfield Hills General Store,
and my sister-in-law runs it.
We bought it, boy, about eight years ago.
- I love that you own a general store.
- Yeah, there-- yeah, that's it.
- What do you sell there?
- We sell-- go in in the morning--
- No one's there. It's empty.
I mean, it's not doing well, Steve.
- It's not going very well. - No.
Maybe that's why I have to talk about it right now.
Please go to his store.
- I'm so glad you brought it up.
It's--you know, we sell penny candy
and muffins and coffee and little items
and, you know, I think it's nice.
- How in the red are you?
- Marshfield Hills General Store.
- You know what, we'll let you do
a commercial backstage and we'll air it
every once in a while.
- Thank you. - Okay.