Hey guys, I'm Siobhan a first-year medical resident today is gonna be a slightly different type of video my goal
It's just push back the curtains and let you see a different side of what it means to be a doctor
the last five weeks
I've been on an ICU rotation and I've seen so much death
And I've seen so many families grieving and I've had a lot of you asked. How do you deal with that?
And the truth is I've had some tough days and I've had some tough moments
And so this is the video where I'm gonna talk to you about that really really openly
So a few weeks ago I got back from a really tough call shift and
I went and I slept for eight hours straight and by the time I woke up
I still was just kind of feeling out of sorts and
I felt like the best way for me to deal with that was to just turn on the camera and just bent and
It was really spontaneous. So I'm actually in my pajamas. I had just woken up
But take a look and I want you to know what I was really feeling in that moment
So last night I went to one of the most
horrific codes that I've ever seen
There was blood all over the floor
This patient. I honestly I didn't think they were even going to make it to the ICU. They did make it there
We did everything we could resuscitated. We spent hours working to get this patient back, but they still passed away
I know that's part of the job. I know that's what happens
But that wasn't the only thing there was another patient who needed to get intubated in the middle of the night, which we did
Had to get central lines in
Another person who wasn't making any urine anymore
Which meant that we had to start dialysis on them that night like it was probably one of the craziest busiest nights I've ever had
And the whole time you're going you're going you're going you just have to go from task to task
every kind of cylinders firing in you you just go go go go go, but I don't think it's just about
Processing what happened the night before, you know, sometimes something will happen even
a couple of weeks ago that you haven't had a chance to really think about
or fully deal with the emotions that come with it and for me there was a patient who passed away and I
Got to know the family even thinking about it. I feel emotional like I I
It was really really tough to have to tell the the
Family that this person had passed away and we did everything we could and there was actually nothing more that we can do. I
actually really debated whether or not to share these clips with you guys and it just just feels so vulnerable and
often in medicine
It feels like we just kind of sweep these moments under the rug
But I think it's important to shed light on it because we all experience it
So then the question really becomes how do you deal with all these emotions and these huge life experiences?
I think it happens on multiple levels and the first one probably happens in the hospital with the whole team
And I'm really lucky that any ICU that I've been working at there have been formal
Debriefing sessions after really tough codes. So all the nurses doctors respiratory therapists
All their students will get together and sit in a room and we get to chat about what went
Well, what didn't go well, and I think it really starts a dialogue
Where it's not just people in the hallways whispering about the experience, but we can all come together
But there's got to be something more after that for me anyway
And a lot of that becomes more informal with other fellow residents who maybe understand the experience you've been through
Obviously for me talking is is big
right I love talking a new tube and someone who likes to connect with people to sort through my emotions and what I'm thinking
but I've got a lot of friends who would much prefer to go on a long run or to write or to journal and
that's how they process and I think just either way you just need to find a way that's right for you and
Sometimes after all the VAT
Things still linger inside and I'm starting to learn that I don't think that's a bad thing
I think that those are the patients or the families that just stick with you and they make you a stronger more empathetic
person and
doctor and
That's in some ways a privilege that we get to see the full range in life from the biggest highs to the biggest
Lows and that's part of what drew me to medicine because it's so real and you get to have such an impact
Even if it can make some really really tough days
So I know it's a heavy conversation and out of this
I'm hoping it will be a reminder to take care of yourself and
Also to look out for anyone else who may be struggling and to take care of them to lend an ear lend a shoulder
Whatever they need because we're in this together. And this is what it means to be human is to be
Experiencing all of this the good days and the bad. So I'm really looking forward to hearing your comments and hearing what you think
So bye for now and I will be chatting you guys really soon
You