- What's up, everybody?
Today we're talking about social minimalism.
Ooh, that sounds really nice, doesn't it?
Does that mean minimal social interactions?
Does that mean solitary confinement,
but it's good because I isolate myself
to keep away everyone else?
No, that's not what this is all about.
Social minimalism is, at its core,
being intentional about spending your social energy,
and not frittering away on stupid stuff.
And one of the biggest culprits of stupid stuff,
one of the biggest quicksand traps,
is social media, of course.
Check out my last video that I made in this series.
It's called The Fear of Missing Out.
It's about the fear of missing out, also.
Who would have thought?
In that video, I talk about how the fear of missing out,
which is fueled by social media, basically,
is making us social maximalists,
where we're trying to just be as connected
and in touch with everyone as possible,
and it's burning us out.
So let's talk about the solution to it,
which is this mindset of social minimalism.
Think of social minimalism in the same way
that regular old minimalism is.
You know, on Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, the Netflix show,
she goes to someone's house,
they've got a bunch of crap everywhere.
They've got a closet full of clothes
they don't wear anymore, and she helps sort through them
and decide what to get rid of and what to keep by asking,
when you hold each clothing, each piece of clothing,
do you feel a spark of joy?
If you do, you keep it, if you don't, you get rid of it.
So I'm proposing the same thing with social minimalism.
When you think of every social interaction
that you're going to be spending some social energy on,
which also includes like, logging into social media,
nearly notebook off the desk there,
that you think to yourself,
does this give me a spark of joy?
Before we continue, let me say that this doesn't mean
just cutting off everyone in your life
who you don't like, or who annoys you,
because it's not quite the same.
Interacting with people and relationships
always bring with them some element
of pain, discomfort, because we're dealing
with other human beings who are imperfect.
Furthermore, I think it's not a great idea, in general,
to try to just cut out everyone that we don't like
and find annoying, because it helps us out
to have to deal with difficult people, you know?
It knocks the edges off of your own personality.
You are better off, and your character is built up,
by dealing with difficult people.
So I'm not saying just cut everyone out,
but what I'm saying is, be intentional.
Also, think about how does this interaction benefit me,
and how does it benefit the other person?
So you've gotta be intentional and think about
what is really the purpose of this interaction?
Now, some of you might say I'm being like,
I don't know, turning life into this big game
where I'm thinking about what's in it for me,
you know, what's in it for the other person?
But that's not really what it is.
It's just about like, what is the intention here?
What is the purpose?
Because if you have a bunch
of purposeless social interactions
that have no intent behind them,
that's where the social clutter comes from.
It's like if you just went to the store
and mindlessly bought a bunch of clothes
that you don't need.
You're not thinking about what function
does this serve in your life?
I've got a few more great tips,
but first let's take a quick commercial break
to support this channel.
And you know, social media is a fantastic way
of adding a bunch of unintentional,
not well-thought through,
purposeless social clutter to your life.
We get put into a state of notification overload,
and then eventually notification fatigue,
because we're getting all these notifications
from, you know, Facebook, the tweeters, Insta,
et cetera, MySpace, of course,
or even just texts from random people.
Especially, man, those group texts.
Don't you hate those?
But what it is, is we're always in a state of like,
passivity and reaction, when we're getting
all these notifications from all around.
There's nothing intentional about it.
It's purely passive.
What notification am I gonna receive now?
What did Jimmy post on his wall?
So there are two ways to cut down on social clutter.
You have social media aspect and then your real life.
Social media, fortunately, is pretty easy.
Here's some practical tips,
some practical a-word tips for you to implement.
The easiest thing, well not the easiest thing (chuckles),
it's probably very hard.
The most, the clearest, the simplest,
the best thing to do, in my opinion,
is just get rid of social media.
Just 86 it.
Flush it down the toilet if you will.
Because if you don't have social media,
oh, then you, it's not wasting your time.
It's not wasting your social energy.
But I realize that's not practical for everyone,
and sometimes you just have to have social media
because it's the only way
to keep in touch with certain people.
So, here's some other tips.
Turn off your notifications,
so it's not just bombarding you constantly.
It's not like every five minutes
you're looking at your phone
to see if someone liked your post
or posted a picture or something.
Instead, set up specific times
when you are going to look at social media,
so that it's an active thing.
You're like, you're deciding, okay,
now I'm gonna look at Facebook,
now I'm gonna look at Instagram,
I'm gonna do some 'gramming, you know?
What you can also do is get an app
that will force you to limit your time,
and I'll put some suggestions up here
on the screen in front of my face,
because I haven't researched it at this time.
The biggest point is, that limits are very important.
Here's some other ones that are gonna be
a bit more involved, and maybe a bit more painful.
Unfriend a bunch of people,
like the people that you really don't need
to keep in contact with, and you know,
I guess this is one where it's a judgment call,
you know what I mean?
What constitutes someone you want to stay in touch with?
But, ultimately I would say,
if you don't have any reason to stay
in contact with them in real life,
then why be in contact on the internet?
On the positive side of that, I would say,
the people that you are keeping in contact with
on social media, try to actually create
a genuine connection with them.
Maybe it can only go so far as being online,
but I would say, you know, if you have friends
on social media, schedule a time once a year
where you just call them on the phone for five minutes,
just make some real connection.
Leverage the social media, the connection you have there,
to bring the friendship back into the real world,
you know what I mean?
It's ironic, because social media friends start
in real life, but then just become like this thing
that isn't real on the internet.
Bring it back into reality.
Make a real human connection,
whether it's phone, or in person is the best, obviously.
Something that's not just typing a message online.
Here's another one that's gonna freak you out.
Start writing down, keep a journal, a social media journal,
of when you logged into a social media site,
write down how much time you spent there,
what you looked at, how did you feel
as you were looking at stuff on there,
at other people's pages and their photos?
What did it make you think about yourself
and what was your mood afterwards?
Start tracking this, like you're a freaking scientist
in a lab coat, you know what I mean?
And then after a month, go back and look at the log.
You might be shocked at what, objectively,
you wrote down and observed,
what social media is doing to you.
And then at that point it might be easier
for you to cut back, when you can just look
at the card hold, (laughs) not the cold hard facts,
the card hold facts.
Now, when it comes to real life,
'cause social media is a bit easier to handle
'cause it's like, very controlled.
Real life is a bit more messy, isn't it?
Social minimalism is all about fostering
the relationships that we have.
It's not about just cutting out things,
but it's about really growing the friendships
that we want to invest in.
The ones that we have intentionally decided
that yeah, this is part of my life.
And you know what, if it means cutting back
on some other friendships, that's okay,
and you might be surprised that sometimes
what a friendship really needs to grow from where it is,
is to cut back on it.
I don't know, it's a case by case basis.
But the important thing is to look
at each of your friendships
where you're spending your social energy,
and to be purposeful about it.
That's really all it is.
A social minimalist can still have a ton of friends
and a vibrant, full, fulfilling social life,
but the difference is, social minimalism is intentional,
not crowded, it's focused,
it's beneficial for everyone involved.
There's some thought behind it.
And it's based on real human connections that spark joy.
Let me know in the comments what you think
about this whole idea of social minimalism.
I'm excited to hear your response.
If you missed the first video in the series,
click or tap the screen right there.
Or, here's another video
that YouTube's gonna pick out for me, 'cause I'm lazy.
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and until next time, stay cool and attractive.