There are hidden oil wells all over Los Angeles.
These secret oil wells are hidden right in plain sight.
Some next to schools and shopping malls.
Some are discretely concealed inside plain, boring old office blocks.
These cleverly designed buildings are all like “we’ve got nothing to hide”, but
then, bang!
Oil well.
These discrete oil wells have produced millions of barrels of crude oil over the years.
In the 1890s Los Angeles, then a small town with a population of just 50,000, was a thriving
oil field.
The ground beneath the city is rich in petroleum.
By 1930, California was producing one quarter of the world’s oil.
LA grew exponentially and it is now one of the most densely populated cities in the world.
Most inhabitants are under the impression that the oil industry that LA was built upon
has mostly dried up and operations ceased long ago.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The bustling city still produces oil at an astonishing rate and every year more secret
oil wells are built around the city, most of the time the local residents have no idea
they are living near an oil well.
In the 30s when LA’s oil industry was booming and people thought this sticky black crude
was the next best thing since the invention of canned beer, 95% of Los Angeles’ residents
actually voted for a law that allowed oil wells to be placed in one’s own back yard.
Can you imagine that today?
Congressmen would be scalped and lynched by an army of angry soccer mums at the slightest
mention of such a law.
But, because of that 1930s law, today every quiet suburban LA neighbourhood has its very
own penguin-killing, vegan-hating, black goldmine.
The ability to hide oil wells, behind or inside buildings is thanks to advances in technology
which means oil wells are now significantly smaller, quieter, more efficient and generally
less messy than they were in the 20th century.
Actually, due to advances in soundproofing technology, urban oil wells are now almost
completely silent.
As a result, oil wells have popped up in the strangest of places amongst a metropolis of
3.9 million people, such as, smack bang in the middle of residential areas, McDonald’s
parking lots, and even a farmer’s market.
Would you like some petroleum with your organic, fairtrade, free-range avocados ma’am?
What, you’ve never had free-range avocado?
Some oil wells are in plain sight, others cleverly concealed within the urban sprawl.
So all this means that somewhere, in a boardroom, in the headquarters of some giant oil corporation,
there’s a group of men in suits, playing a game of “where’s the most stupidly obvious,
yet surprisingly deceptive place we can hide an oil well?”, “What’s that Mike?
In a playground disguised as a climbing frame?
That’s genius!
You win ‘child-hating oil baron of the month’ award”.
But some haven’t even bothered to cleverly blend into the surrounding environment.
Some take the other approach of, if we erect a tall building with a suspicious lack of
markings or branding on it, I bet nobody will notice it’s an oil well.
Today there are over 3,000 active oil wells in Los Angeles, and more are sneakily built
by urban oil ninjas ever year.
Like this one that was built directly in the schoolyard of one of the poshest schools in
the country, schooling the little tyrants of the filthy rich, at Beverly Hills High
School.
But they painted some flowers on it and named it the “Tower of Hope” so they could be
all like “Oil well!
There’s no oil well over here…”.
The company behind this particular well, Venoco has to pay leasing royalties to the high school
every year.
So much in fact that 85% of the school teacher’s wages come from this oil money.
Okay, now this one isn’t even trying to hide.
These “thoughtfully” placed wells are inside a cemetery near Signal Hill.
I suppose they’re hoping the decomposing bodies will contribute to the oil supply.
So I guess that’s eco-friendly, kind of like recycling?
Oh, what’s that?
It takes a few million years to make fossil fuel from dead bodies?
Oh well, sorry guys, Rest in Petroleum.