Do you have a crush? Well, if so, how to think, how to act, how to behave around your crush
depends entirely on what stage of the crush you're in.
And the one person who sums these stages up the best, in my mind, is the one and only
iiSuperwomanii.
Yay!
Hey everybody, I'm Dr. Kimberly. And today, I'm giving you the 6 stages of having a crush, as
chronicled by iiSuperwomanii. But as a relationship therapist, I'm going to go a step further and
give you practical advice on what to do in each stage so that you can have the extra leg up on
getting your crush's attention. If you guys are new to this channel, don't forget to hit the big
subscribe button down below. And come and hang out with me over on Instagram and Twitter,
where you can ask me all of your top relationship questions. Now guys, let's get right into the
video.
Stage #1 is the discovery. Now, this is the stage of the relationship where you notice someone for
the first time. And you don't just see them in the hallways at school like you always do. This
time, you really notice them. This can be a really fun moment, because it means that this person
now has the potential to become your new crush.
What to do?
Now, you may have been able to act totally cool around them before. But now, when you see
them, you feel like your brain is failing. The reason this happens in your mind is because now
that you've noticed them as a potential crush, their social value in your mind has just
skyrocketed. So now, your brain is telling you that the stakes are so much higher every single
time you talk to them. Even though, nothing has actually changed.
So, if you ever do say something or do something dumb, it seems like the world is actually going
to end. The best thing to do at this stage, guys, is to put yourself in the power seat. Think to
yourself, "It's time for me to evaluate them to see if they're actually a person that I would want
to date." Which, leads us to the next stage, research.
Now, research is the phase where you are devouring every piece of information on social media
about them as you can. Essentially, stalking their every move. And as you find new tidbits of
information here and there, you use this information to convince yourself that the two of you are
in fact compatible.
What to do?
Ok guys, so social media stalking, or research, is completely normal these days. But, you need to
know that too much research can actually hurt your chances of getting into a relationship with
the person you're researching. Remember that perceived social value thing we talked about?
Well, the more you idolize someone on social media, the more unobtainable they'll start to seem.
It's at this stage that you really have to ask yourself, "Do I actually want to date this person, or
would I honestly rather be having fun and looking at pictures of them?" It is so much safer and
more comfortable to dream about someone from afar than to actually put ourselves out there. So,
if you do want to stay in this stage of the relationship, that's totally fine. But, you have to
understand that it actually may skew the dynamics in terms of real relationship potential.
Stage 3 is show and tell. So, you've now decided that this person is your crush. And your first
order of business is to get your friends to weigh in on everything: their looks, their personality,
whether they'd be a good match for you or not. And you likely will take everything they say
super seriously.
What to do?
I think everyone can relate to the fact that it's so much fun to laugh and get excited about a crush
with our friends. Some people would even say that this is one of the most fun parts of having a
crush. Dishing with your friends too much does have the potential to cause two negative things.
Number one, they can influence you way too much. Friends have the ability to either talk you in
or out of a relationship based on their own opinions. And as much as your friends love you and
want to help, they may not always give the best relationship advice.
"Go up and tell him that his hair looks amazing pushed back like that."
"It is not weird at all. Just trust me, okay? Comment on his Instagram post, 'What a hottie.'"
"Okay, here's what you should do. Go up to him and pretend to faint. And then, like, have a
seizure and be all like damsel in distress. And you're for sure going to get his attention. I know.
Just trust me, okay?"
And two, your friends knowing too much can actually make things super awkward when you do
see your crush. So, if you don't want the pressure to be so high the next time you see them, play
things a little bit more cool around your friends. And this will help keep you level headed around
your crush as well.
Stage four is daydreaming. Now, this is the stage where all songs, all movies, and all novels,
suddenly become about you and your crush. You start to understand the lyrics behind all your
favorite songs of unrequited love.
What to do?
Well guys, if you're going to daydream anyway, you might as well listen to positive songs when
you're thinking about your crush.
Playing sad songs when thinking about your crush actually has the ability to make your brain
associate sadness, regret, and disappointment with your crush.
This, my friends, can set you up to fail before you've even begun.
So, be positive. Yay!
Which leads us to stage 5, small talk. Sooner or later, the point is going to arrive where you have
to say something to your crush if you ever want to get out of the daydreaming realm. So to start
off, people usually come up with the weirdest excuses to talk to their crush just for the sheer
purpose of starting up a conversation.
What to do?
Try your best to act natural and ask simple, easy questions.
"Hey, how are you? Did you have fun at Chris's party last week?"
Do not try to overcomplicate things by asking detailed or really weird questions.
"Okay, I need to get your take on this crazy situation. My cousin's best friend went to the mall
last week and she got arrested for shoplifting."
This might actually confuse your crush and make them question your sanity.
"But the problem was, she wasn't actually shoplifting. She was taking a bunny for the school
play."
They may wonder why you're talking to them at all.
"Her parents are like, so mad. What do you think she should do?"
And they're definitely going to wonder if you actually like and care about them. So, stick to
easy, open-ended, and friendly questions designed to get your crush talking. If they like you,
they'll give you detailed answers. And if they don't like you, they'll give you one word or short
answers. Which, will force you either to keep asking questions or talk about yourself. And if
that's the case, you may want to consider finding yourself a new crush.
Now finally, guys, stage 6 is the finale. And this is where your crush goes either one of two
ways. Situation one, your crush likes you back and you live happily ever after for forever and
ever and ever and ever. Yay! Or, situation two, it doesn't work out this time. But hopefully,
you've learned something about yourself and grown as a person along the way. And hopefully
things will work out better with your next crush.
Now, if you guys want more insight on if your crush likes you, be sure to take my levels of
attraction quiz. This is a detailed quiz that really makes you think. But, it will definitely give you
extra insight into how much he actually likes you.
So guys, if you like this video, don't forget to give it a huge thumbs up. And come and follow
me over on Instagram and Twitter. And of course, guys, don't forget to subscribe to this channel,
Ask Kimberly, for more weekly videos on relationships. Bye, everybody.
Captions by GetTranscribed.com