Reciprocation rules. Invest in a man who invests in you,
judge a man's attractiveness based on his efforts.
These are essential concepts you'll find commonly on this channel.
Far too many women are investing in men who aren't
investing in them and are ending up with shitty relationships as a result.
What happens though when you have the opposite problem?
What happens when he's moving things around and he's texting
you all the time and he's putting in all these efforts
and you feel the pressure to reciprocate? You're stuck between a rock and a hard place
because if you reciprocate and go with him, things actually move very quickly. An extreme
example would be love bombing, but it doesn't have to be. He might just be a great guy who's
putting in a lot of effort pretty soon. Do you reciprocate and go with him or do you
risk him thinking that you're rude and disinterested?
That was the dilemma that my client Bella found herself in recently and I want to talk
to you about how to keep a guy chasing and what Bella did to lose the guy so that hopefully
you can not make the same mistake. Bella met a great guy. Within a few weeks, he was investing
in her, telling her the right things, texting her right throughout the day, moving things
around in his schedule and even talking about a future together. He was not a classic type,
but he was attractive and she found herself growing more and more fond of him in the early
weeks knowing him. He was ramping things up though and this left Bella in a little bit
of a weird spot. I'd been telling her to take things slow, do your own thing, and give him
this trial period to see how he goes. She was an empath though, and she was struggling
because she had this great guy, this guy that more and more was putting effort into her
that she was into and so she ran into this problem of do I reciprocate and go with this guy?
Text him back all the time, move things around for him or do I not do the nice things that
he's doing and risk seeming rude. Bella was confused and I said to her, "you've got to
stick to your own timeline here." She decided though to go with him. She wanted to trust
her instincts. In this case, in this guy was investing a lot, so within five or six weeks
she was texting him most of the day at work. She was moving stuff around for him as well,
and she too was following his lead of talking about a future together and meeting families,
et cetera. Within about a month after that, gone. The guy had stopped chasing
Bella was pretty devastated by this and she said, "you know Mark, what did I do wrong?
I was really into this guy and he was investing so much."
And I said, "Bella, this is the problem with the rule of reciprocation, is that when
it goes too far from your end, you actually lose your ability to determine where
things go and your control over the timeline. While it's extremely important,
you invest in a man who's investing in you, if he's over investing
such that you get your trial period to see if he's a great partner and you blindly follow
that investment, you'll now handing over the reins to him."
What happens is that he accelerates the car to a hundred miles an hour
as quick as he wants. You follow him and things run off the rails.
You've got to keep control over the pace too and for men that are investing
a lot, you've still got to stick to your standards, and your timeline as you get to know them.
What Bella should have done in this case is ramp up her investment slowly.
She shouldn't have started texting him at work because that's not her.
She usually doesn't have a phone on her at work and she shouldn't have given
up so many things so soon at the risk he might think she's rude or disinterested.
It's a really common fear. If the guys investing a lot,
you don't want to give him the negative signals. The problem is the other option is
blindly following him. Here's the reality. If a guy thinks you are rude and disinterested
because you want to slowly accelerate to 60 and he wants to go from zero to a hundred
in a month, then you're going to have to let him run off the rails. The right guy is going
to respect your boundaries and he's going to want to go with you at your pace. So stick
to your own timeline, take your standard seriously, and you will keep the guy chasing.
Well, that's the video. Thank you for watching. Let me know your thoughts, comments,
questions, love to hear them in the space below.
Don't forget to download the first chapter of my book. Now available from the description.
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and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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