It's a woman's world, man.
The world is run by women, because women got coochy power.
Coochy is powerful.
Yeah, look at her.
Yeah!
Clap it up for coochy!
Yeah!
I don't know who did the promotions for coochy.
They did a good job.
Whoever had dick, they dropped the ball,
because coochy is like Versace.
Dick is like Sketchers.
Don't nobody give a damn.
It's always on sale, 75% off.
Coochy shut plans down.
Dick don't shut plans down.
Fellas, you could have had plans with your boys
for three months.
You've been working your butt off.
You've been working 50, 60 hours a week for months straight.
Nice time for you and your guys to have a night out.
Your girl walk in the room and shut it down,
'cause she got coochy power.
She walk in the room butt-ass naked,
smelling good with the Victoria's Secret lotion
on, with some high heels on.
You sitting on the bed trying to put on your shoes to go out--
she come over and bend over and put
that thing right in your face.
It be like, you sure you want to leave, big daddy?
Now, you lot, you know what?
You all go ahead, man.
Y'all FaceTime me.
FaceTime me.
Yeah, I'm gonna miss this one.
Dick don't do that.
Your girl can't be biting to go out--
you walk out with your dick hanging out.
She like, move!
Get yo' ass outta the way!
She start getting dressed faster.
She like, let me hurry up.
He's trying to get some ass.
I'm gonna just put my makeup on in the car.
I'm outta here, you know.
She ain't gonna change her plans for your low-ass dick.
She know that little dick gonna be there when she get back.
It's a woman's world, man.
And women love sex more than men.
It's a myth.
People like, oh, you, you love sex.
No, women love sex way more than men.
[cheering]
Yeah.
Who do you think came with the theory of let's make love
all night?
That was not a man idea.
You know how many minutes are in a night?
Your ass ain't gonna make it.
I can't even make it through "Law and Order."
How am I gonna make it through all night?
You know why women can make love all night?
Because their organs are not external-- women have a hole.
You can make deposit in a hole all damn day.
It's like going to the bank.
You can always make a deposit at the bank.
You ain't never going to go to the bank, they be like,
oh, we got too much money today.
We can't take your money.
But you can't always make a withdrawal.
After a while, they gonna be like, insufficient funds.
That's what we be, ladies-- insufficient funds.
That's why, ladies, if you're blessed to see a hard dick
later on in the night, say thank you, I appreciate it,
because erections are dangerous, ladies.
Don't waste no erection.
That man risking his life.
You know when a man get an erection, ladies,
we've got to borrow blood from another body part
to go to our dick to make it hard?
We got to borrow blood, ladies.
So when we making love to you, it's a part of our body
ain't got no blood in it.
We risking our lives so your ass can feel good.
Yeah!
And you taking forever.
Oh, wait! Not yet!
Wait a minute, bitch. You better hurry up.
My foot's going numb.
Hurry yo' ass up.
I ain't gonna loose no foot for you to bust a nut.
I didn't cum yet!
I got my foot.
I need my foot.
I'm sorry.
Can't go to work with one foot.
Selfish-ass women.
They don't give a damn about you.
Love women, men.
Got to practice safe sex though, man.
Lot of STDs out there, fellas.
I know everybody want to feel the natural,
but it's dangerous out here now, man.
They a lot of STDs.
Some of them ain't got no cure.
I was just reading about one earlier called child support.
I was like, ooh.
Ooh, it's killing brothers by the thousands.
That's why I don't let no woman fool me.
They be like, oh, you don't need no condom,
because I'm on the pill.
I'll be like, well, give me one, too.
Yours might not dissolve on time.
You take one, I take one.
I use anything for a rubber--
M&M bag, Dorito bag.
I don't give a damn.
Because a lot of fellas don't know this-- child support
can last longer than the age of 18 if your child go to college.
Yeah, look at all the women.
Yeah!
I love my kids, but college ain't for everybody, y'all.
Ain't nothing wrong with being a janitor.
That's a good-ass job.
You can open up a lot of doors.
You've got all the keys.
That's why I tell every man in the audience, do ten of these
every morning.
Just when you get up, loosen up your hip.
Do ten of these every morning.
Practice your pulling out.
This could change your life.
This little motion could change your life.
This an apartment, this a house.
This a Corolla, this an Escalade.
I don't want no more damn kids.
I already got two kids.
I'm done with kids.
They overrated.
I mean, I love my kids, but if I ain't have 'em,
I'm not going to be mad, you know?
I got a son and a daughter.
And I love my daughter way more than my son,
as a good father should.
You can't love your son and daughter equally.
You're a bad parent.
I love my daughter way more, because she's a princess.
She's a woman.
I want her to feel what unconditional love from a man
feel like.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah-- because I don't want my baby to get
tricked like her momma did.
You know what I'm saying?
I fooled her ass.