>> EVERYTHING IS RACIST!
>> Greg: DOES SHOWING UP FOR
WORK MAKE YOU A RACIST JERK?
AND THE RACE OBSESSION WON’T LET
UP EVEN WHEN IT COMES TO NAMING
PUPS.
WELCOME BACK TO EVERYTHING IS
RACIST EPISODE 6,844 I’M YOUR
HOST SUSAN SUMMERS.
HERE’S THE STUDY FROM SOCIAL
PSYCHOLOGY QUARTERLY.
WOW, IT COMES OUT FOUR TIMES A
YEAR, JUST LIKE MY BELLY BUTTON.
IT’S A MEDICAL THING.
CLAIMS, THIS THING CLAIMS THAT
DOGS WITH TYPICALLY WHITE
SOUNDING NAMES GET ADOPTED FROM
SHELTERS FASTER THAN DOGS WITH
BLACK SOUNDING NAMES.
WHICH IS TERRIBLE NEWS FOR MY
POODLE JAY-Z.
HE’S GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT
TESTICLES AIN’T ONE.
OR TWO.
ANYWAY, I’M PROUD OF THAT.
RESEARCHERS SAY IT HAPPENS AMONG
PIT BULLS WHICH THEY CALL THAT A
BREED THAT’S DANGEROUS AND
RACIAL LIVED AS BLACK.
OF COURSE THEY APPLAUDED THIS
RESEARCH ONE WOMAN CALLED IT
FASCINATING RESEARCH THAT
SUPPORTS THE RESILIENCY OF
RACIAL ICED NAMES AND THE
PERVASIVENESS OF ANTI BLACKNESS.
WELL THROW IN A FAT PHOBIC
REFERENCE AND SHE WINS A FREE
ICE CREAM SUN DAY.
MEANWHILE ANOTHER RACE TAKE
PROFESSOR AT YALE WHICH IS A
SCHOOL FOR PEOPLE WHO COULDN’T
GET INTO DEVRY.
COMPLAINED PRESIDENT BIDEN
WORKING ITS WHITE SUPREMACY.
SHE SAID IT SHOWS HE CANNOT WEST
AND WORKS THROUGH IT.
SO WORKING IS A WHITE THING AND
IF YOU DISAGREE YOU’RE A RACIST.
AT LEAST WE KNOW NOW THAT PETE
BUTTIGIEG IS DEFINITELY NOT A
WHITE SUPREMACIST.
SUE’S COMMENTS CAME AFTER
BIDEN’S ANNOUNCEMENT THAT HE WAS
GETTING A LOT OF WORK DONE WITH
COVID WHICH CAME AFTER HIS
ANNOUNCEMENT THAT HE GOT CANCER
FROM HIS WINDSHIELD, OIL ON HIS
WINDSHIELD DESPITE GETTING A
STEM CELL INFUSION OVER AT JIFFY
LUBE.
JOE HOW’S THAT GO?
>> NO, NO, LADY FROM YALE I’M
FINE.
I’M NOT WORKING HARD, I’M HARDLY
WORKING.
GETTING A FEW THINGS DONE IN IN
THE OFFICE.
I’M A LITTLE TIRED BUT THAT’S
OKAY.
THIS COVID THING’S NOT GOING TO
GET ME.
I’M LIKE QUADRUPLE BOOSTED OR
SOMETHING.
AND, LOOK, I’M TOUGH, MAN.
I GREW UP IN DELAWARE.
I WOKE UP EVERY MORNING COVERED
IN OIL.
ME AND MY FRIENDS WALKED TO
SCHOOL, I LOOKED LIKE THE
CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.
TRUE STORY.
THAT’S A FACT, JACK.
>> Greg: ALSO A GREAT MOVIE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: ERIN, IS IT ME OR IS IT
THE PEOPLE THAT POINT THIS STUFF
OUT ACTUALLY THE RACIST?
WOULD IT CROSS ANYBODY’S MIND
THAT THERE ARE BLACK AND WHITE
NAMES FOR DOGS UNLESS YOU WERE
LOOKING FOR IT.
>> Erin: YEAH, IT JUST GOES TO
THE POINT THAT EVERYTHING IS
STUPID NOW WHEN THEY SAY
EVERYTHING IS RACIST.
MY DOG’S NAME IS LINCOLN SO FOR
SURE THEY’RE GOING TO CANCEL ME.
THAT WAS HIS NAME WHEN I GOT
HIM.
I DIDN’T NAME HIM THAT THAT’S
WHAT HE CAME WITH IN MY DEFENSE.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
AND JOE BIDEN ALL OF A SUDDEN BE
MR. VRY HARD WORKING PRESIDENT.
I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM PUT ON A
SHOW.
THIS IS THE MOST WORK HE’S DONE
SINCE HE’S BEEN AT THE WHITE
HOUSE NOT TO MENTION THE FACT HE
HAS COVID.
WE SHOULD BE APPLAUDING WE HAVE
SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO DO THE JOB
FROM A PRESIDENT WHO HASN’T DONE
ANYTHING SO FAR.
>> Greg: FAIR POINT.
KAT, CARL, IS THAT A BLACK OR A
WHITE NAME?
>> Kat: MY DOG’S NAME IS CARL,
FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DIDN’T
KNOW THAT.
OTHERWISE IT DIDN’T MAKE MUCH
SENSE.
>> Greg: YES.
I ASSUMED EVERY --
>> Kat: DON’T WORRY, I’M HERE
FOR YOU.
CARL, I DON’T KNOW, CAM WANTED
TO NAME THE DOG CARL SO I SAID
OKAY BECAUSE THEN I ALWAYS GOT
TO SAY CARL GOOD TO SEE YOU,
WHICH WOULDN’T MAKE SENSE TO
ANYONE WHO HASN’T SEEN BILLY
MADISON A HUNDRED TIMES LIKE I
HAVE.
>> Greg: THAT’S WHERE IT’S FROM
>> Kat: YEAH.
>> Greg: WELL THAT WENT NOWHERE
>> Kat: I’M JUST FOLLOWING YOUR
LEAD.
>> Greg: WOULD YOU CARE TO ADD A
COMMENT ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER
THAN YOUR DOG CARL?
I WAS JUST CURIOUS?
>> Kat: YEAH, SURE.
ABOUT ANYTHING?
>> Greg: YEAH
>> Kat: WELLS I ALSO HAVE A CAT
NAMED SHEEN.
THIS STUFF, IF IT WEREN’T FOR US
TALKING ABOUT IT, I DON’T THINK
ANYONE WOULD.
I’M STARTING TO THINK IT IS IT
ONLY EXISTS SO FOX AND FRIENDS
AND US HAVE THINGS TO TALK
ABOUT.
>> Greg: YOU’RE RIGHT
>> Kat: I DON’T THINK ANY REAL
PERSON IS LIKE, OH, WOW, OKAY.
IT’S OTHER ACADEMICS
CONGRATULATING THEMSELVES AND
THEN US MOCKING THEM.
>> Greg: EXACTLY.
IT’S ALMOST LIKE WE’RE ALL
WORKING FOR EACH OTHER
>> Kat: EXACTLY
>> Greg: JOEY THE BEAUTY OF THE
RACIST FILTER IS YOU NEVER RUN
OUT OF STUFF YOU JUST PICK NEW
THINGS
>> Johnny: THIS STORY, THE WORD
YOU WERE LOOKING FOR IS [BLEEP]
>> Kat: I’M A LADY SO I WOULD
NEVER TALK THAT WAY.
>> Johnny: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A
LADY.
ON THE TOPIC OF JOE OVERWORK,
WHAT THEY’VE DONE IS SAID WE’RE
AT A DISADVANTAGE AS A CLASS OF
AMERICANS, THERE AREN’T MANY
FATHERS IN THE HOME THERE ISN’T
AS MUCH EDUCATION OPPORTUNITIES,
THERE’S E BON I CANS AS A FORM
OF LIN QUIZ PARTICULARS THESE
PUT US AT A DISADVANTAGE SO
WE’RE GOING TO RECLASSIFY
EVERYTHING AS WHITE AMERICAN SO
RATHER THAN FIXING OUR OWN
DISADVANTAGE WE CAN SAY YOUR
ADVANTAGE IS WHITE SUPREMACY.
IT’S EVERYONE RAISING -- AND I
GET TO TALK ABOUT THIS A LITTLE
BIT MORE BECAUSE I’M FROM THE
JEFF FOXWORTHY VERSION OF
SOUTHERN NOT THE RENT BUTLER
VERSION.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT DISCRIMINATED
LOOKS LIKE, ROLL UP TO A DRIVE
THROUGH IN CALIFORNIA AND SAY
HAY DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE
HAMBURGERS I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE
A HOTDOG.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
DO YOU NEED MONEY?
YOU TALK ABOUT WHITE DOGS AND
BLACK DOGS, I [BLEEP] YOU NOT.
OUR NAMES WERE GET DOWN, DANGER
RANGER, FART, NO LIE, AND THE
LAST ONE WAS [BLEEP].
I REACHED THE LIMIT ON BLEEPS SO
I’LL MOVE ON.
WE COULDN’T GET OUR DOGS ADOPTED
MY DAD TOOK MY YOU CANLE’S BLOOD
HAUNT TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN
TO REHOME HIM AND SOME RED NICK
BEAR HUNTING RECOGNIZED HIM AND
BROUGHT HIM BACK.
WE COULDN’T GET RID OF OUR DOGS.
SO THIS IDEA THAT -- NO.
IT’S ALL BULL.
>> Greg: AS A RACIST JAMIE WHO
ALSO OWNS DOGS, THIS STORY IS IN
YOUR WHEEL HOUSE.
CARE TO COMMENT ON ANY FACET OF
THIS?
>> Jamie: REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
FIRST OF ALL I LOVE HOW JOEY’S
DOG’S NAMES ARE ALL COMMANDS.
>> Johnny: MY DAD WAS SMART THAT
WAY.
>> Jamie: GET DOWN GET DOWN,
FART FARTED.
I WORRY ABOUT JOE TRYING TO WORK
THROUGH COVID BECAUSE REMEMBER WHAT A TERRIBLE JOB HE DID WHEN
WHAT A TERRIBLE JOB HE DID WHEN
HE HAD NO COVID?
[LAUGHTER].
>> Jamie: GOP JOE DOES ANYTHING.
I FEEL LIKE THEY SAID JOE TAKE A
BREAK FOR A WEEK HE WOULD GO
EXACTLY WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT
ME TO STOP DOING?
[LAUGHTER].
>> Jamie: AND TO YOUR POINT, I
COULDN’T AGREE WITH YOU MORE
ABOUT IT SEEMS RACIST TO POINT
OUT THE DOGS.
AND PLUS WE LOVE DOGS.
YOU KNOW, LIKE TO CALL IT
WHATEVER KIND OF NAME I WOULD
THINK IS SOMEBODY YOU LOVE.
>> Greg: YEAH.
>> Jamie: I’M A HUGE FAN OF
DOGS.
WE HAD TO PUT A DOG TO SLEEP NOT
THAT LONG AGO, OUR DOG AND I WAS
TRYING TO PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON
IT SO I REMEMBER I SAID TO MY
FRIEND, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE ALREADY SLEEPS 20 HOURS A
DAY, WHAT’S FOUR MORE.