Ooh, I finally get to use my favorite adaptational catchphrase!
*clears throat*
Dear the creators of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief movie,
if you want to tell the author's story, TELL the author's story.
If you want to tell your own story, TELL your own story.
Don't take the author's story and try and turn it into your story, you jackasses!
Hello, beautiful watchers, and welcome back to Lost in Adaptation!
I joined the Percy Jackson party a little bit later in life than the intended age brackets,
but I still thoroughly enjoyed them.
They really appeal to my interest in Greek mythology;
I can't quite put my finger on how, but I really feel like the author captured the slightly alien, yet somehow human nature of the ancient Greek gods.
He also didn't fall into the usual trap of assuming that just because Hades was the Lord of the Underworld,
and because the other gods treated him like shit, that he was an evil person, or getting him mixed up with Satan.
Most importantly, the books don't talk down to the reader, even though they're intended for a younger audience.
And then you have the film.
There's three types of changes that commonly appear in film adaptations;
There's the changes that have to be made,
the changes you can get away with making,
and the changes that spit in the face of the book and show that you completely missed the point,
or didn't care in the first place.
In this particular film, you can't go five minutes without getting hit in the face with ALL THREE.
Just in case you haven't picked up on it yet,
it's my philosophy to not take sequels into account in these reviews unless I absolutely have to.
It's not fair to the film if you judge it for not including something that was introduced in the books later in the sequels.
It also doesn't excuse a film for not including something because they put it in a later movie.
Sea of Monsters will have its turn.
This is the Lightning Thief, nothing else.
Mmm kay, now that the disclaimers are out of the way...
The concept of Camp Half-Blood, the bastard children of gods and mortals being brought together to keep them safe
and to train them in the ways of heroing, is in both book and film.
They also kept at least some of the plot;
Zeus' thunderbolt is stolen, everyone suspects Percy, the son of Poseidon,
because it was standard procedure for gods to get their offspring to do their dirty work for them.
All of the gods gear up for war, each blaming one of the others for the theft,
and Percy and two of his friends have to track it down and bring it back to Zeus before the Summer Solstice and the very last peace talk.
His quest ends up taking him to the Underworld and eventually to Mount Olympus,
which has been relocated to the top of the Empire State Building because the gods like to move around every century or so
and attach themselves to whichever country is currently the most prosperous.
Despite being tricked into carrying the bolt around with him, Percy manages to bring it back to Zeus just in time to stop the War of the Gods.
Other than this, you have to look pretty hard to find anything else they didn't mess around with.
The film held true to the idea that a side effect of Percy's mixed-species heritage partly manifests itself into several attention and learning disabilities
like ADHD and dyslexia.
Speaking as someone who's been plagued his whole life of ridiculously inconvenient dyslexia,
I was pleased to see someone attempt to have visualized its effects and the frustration and embarrassment it can lead to.
On his way to Camp Half-Blood, Percy and his mom were attacked by the Minotaur,
(No, I'm not pronouncing that wrong.)
And his mother is taken to the Underworld as a hostage by Hades just before Percy kills it with its own horn.
And, well gosh, I think that's pretty much it.
Everything else is just one big clusterfuck of changes and emissions.
Oh boy.
There are so many of these I'm gonna have to divide this section up into subcategories.
The pearls used to escape the Underworld were a gift from Poseidon delivered to Percy by a messenger.
They required no work whatsoever to obtain!
Why the hell did they feel the need to make the search of the pearls such a huge part of the movie; there was already a good plot for them to follow.
They still visited places like Medusa's Garden Emporium and the Lotus Casino,
but that was because they just happened to stumble into them by chance.
What's that you say?
But Dom you gorgeous genius, isn't it better that they tried to tie these things into the plot rather than just having them unrealistically
walking into them by happenstance? Well yes and no.
That was almost the whole point, in many Greek stories like the Odyssey and Theseus and the Minotaur. The heroes
constantly run into one completely random encounter with a weird monster after another. Having it happen in a modern setting was a clever
nod to this. The film kind of missed the trick here. Seemingly unimportant at first glance, Mrs.
Dodds is Percy's maths teacher in the book, not his English teacher
The reason I give a fuck is because the very first chapter is amusingly named 'I accidentally vaporized my pre-Algebra teacher'
So there's no way in hell
They could have missed this detail. Their blatant ignoring of this is I think, a very clear 'Fuck you book,
We don't give a shit'
statement right at the start of the film. In keeping with this attitude, they cut out the part where Percy uses his sword pen to
cut Mrs.
Dodds in half, causing her to disintegrate and reconstitute later in the story
That was one of the things in the books the monsters were immortal, if you killed one
its spirit would go to the underworld, but it would eventually be recorporealize back in the real world
albeit sometimes decades later. By the way, the idea of magically disguising your weapon as an everyday household object may seem clever
Right up until the moment you accidentally leave it on your desk
Percy, I'm just borrowing your pen for a second
The books deeper understanding of the fundamental nature of ancient Greek deities is not alas carried well into the film
They talk and Act like normal human people no unusual behavior
No sense of regal presence that poseidon was Percy's father a plot point given away in the movie's opening scene was actually a big reveal
a good way into the book a lot of people knew that he was a half-blood and some people
Suspected that he might be the son of one of the big three
But most just assumed he was a son of zeus because zeus was such a notorious
Poon hound they made Poseidon a tortured, loving father who desperately wanted to be there for percy
But was forbidden from doing so. In the book there was no such law each god was free to interact with his children as much
As he or she wanted; percy and poseidon's interactions were?
Interesting in the book, there was an uncomfortable
formality born of their years apart and Poseidon had the extreme aloofness and
self-confidence
You would expect from an all-powerful being there was just a tiny hint of his affection for percy and his pride in him although
he kind of spoils this by straight-up saying he doesn't know what to make of percy and telling him he regrets siring him because the
Hard life he must now lead as a hero. The book describes how all the gods with the possible exceptions of zeus and hades
Updated their appearance over time dionysus now wears a tiger print Hawaiian shirt
Ares looks like one of hell's angels on steroids with two fiery pits for eyes and Kharon has developed a thing for
expensive Italian suits the film did this a little bit at the beginning then dispatched it all together putting everyone in armor and togas from
Then on Perhaps fearing that you might not get that the giant dudes hanging out at olympus were greek gods otherwise
Annabeth and Percy were meant to be on the same team
She uses him as bait to distract the red team while luke went and got the flag it was sort of a bonding moment
but also showed
how ruthless she could be the sons of ares were predominantly the
daughters of ares in the book
Big tough young girls that could beat the living shit out of you without having to expend much effort doing so I'm not sure of
Them changing this is indicative of sexism or just their total lack of respect for the original story
They did the usual thing where they add on a few years to the character, so they don't have to work with children
I can't really begrudge them this as good child actors are few and far between and they're a nightmare to work with oh, yeah
Oh dear
oh, no
No, no
No no Grover got a change of ethnicity in the film and a complete personality makeover a
Awkward Nervous Young man is given a good helping of self-confidence and attitude it's bad for adaptation points
But his humor is probably one of the few redeeming features of the film
What's way more offensive was small things like him freaking out at seeing the rats satyrs are meant to be lovers of all
Animals, it's tiny mistakes like this that really break a character in my opinion
It's interesting to know that the word
Demigod isn't used in the book
Preferring the word half-blood to describe percy and the other divine offspring this is probably because in the Greek mythology
It's more of a general term for supernatural beings not necessarily just the children of the gods
There's no cheap knockoff of the marauders map in the book they were fine with the concept that you could just tell someone where to
Go in the book the lotus hotel could keep someone in thralled just by being so super crazy awesome
The film took it upon itself to add in the LSD flower cakes
I don't know this is meant to be an anti-drug message
or just another example of dumbing down the plot the entrance to the underworld with the lobby of a building in the book not the
Hollywood sign there's tons of spirits hanging around who weren't given coins for the Boatman when they died?
There's actually a really funny joke we missed out on where charon mentions
It's possible to add the cost of your trip to the underworld to your last cable Bill
They kind of downgraded Zeus's lightning bolt in the film Forget blowing chunks off the empire State building
That thing was meant to have the destructive power of a nuclear carpet-bombing nobody dared
take it out of its case in the book the
Post-Credits joke where gabe finally gets his comeuppance went down a little differently in the books epilogue
Percy's mother intentionally uses Medusa's head to murder him
and then she sells his petrified body as art as revenge for his years of domestic violence, wow that was a
Surprisingly dark twist to the end of the book now that I think about it
Kharon actually gives percy the quest to go to the underworld
I guess the film just felt it couldn't live without an act of teenage defiance in its plot in the film
They took Medusa's head along with them on that quest so I
Don't know high Jinks could happen in the book percy instead chooses to mail it to olympus as a big old fuck you guys message
Apparently it was more important to them to rip off clash of the titans and stick to the novel the hydra was
Ironically enough one of the few mythical beasts that didn't feature in the book at all
everything involved in the whole parthenon segment is strictly film only and
Come on. Is there anyone out there who doesn't know about the whole hydra head regrowing thing
It's virtually common knowledge at this point. It was in a damn Disney movie for Pete's sake
Will you forget the head slicing thing!
Does the film really have to treat us like we're this
Stupid in the book percy couldn't wear the winged shoes because zeus the lord of the skies had it out for him and any type
Of flying would have given him all excuse he needed to reduce percy to a pile of smoldering ashes as a result it was
Grover who wore them for the entire
Quest and that was actually an important plot point because it's ultimately what caused Luke's plan to fail
Hey, Remember when I said the book was clever enough to not get hades and Satan mixed up. oh
boy, I wasn't sure if the debris that they were sailing through on the way to the underworld was like a zero-Gravity river styx if
It was that was kind of clever if not, where was the river styx you assholes
They changed Cerberus the famously huge and three-headed dog and guardian of the underworld into three separate dogs which they referred to as hellhounds wait
Persephone was there during summer well that's not accurate to the book or the greek legend
This is really starting to piss me off it also
Drove me mad that they kept referring to the underworld as hell in the film. That's bullshit
I'm not arguing semantics here in the ancient Greek religion and in the lightning thief book the underworld is divided up into three sections
One great one Kinda like Limbo and one kind of shitty in the film
They just decide to go with the Christian hell
Because why say true to the story when you can make shitty jokes all the way through the movie. What will you do?
I'm already in hell.
in the book percy describes hades as being the first
god that he has encountered that actually looked godlike robed in silk A
Crown of braided gold resting on albino white skin with Jet-black hair
radiating grace yet dangerous power top of throne fused of human bones
Welcome you think I'm an idiot
I'm Hades Hades Hades
I'm Hades when I started doing these reviews I promised myself
I wasn't going to go on long screaming tirades and just turn myself into a cheap knockoff of more talented producers
After what happened in Dune. I made sure I was prepared in case this kind of thing happened again
reginald
engage the calm intellectual filter
Quite frankly I do not care for this adaptational choice
as I feel they intentionally insulted the source material
In an attempt to obtain a rather cheap and pointless laugh at the expense of what should have been a very intimidating and
Serious character this joke fails to be amusing enough for this to have been worth it
I'm curious to know who is responsible for the screenplay for this movie goodness me. It's Craig Titley
the gentleman who is most famous for the questionable decisions made in the live-action Scooby-doo movie, Mr. Titley
I'm sure you're a very pleasant person
but I'd rather think you are ill suited for your current profession perhaps it is time to consider a change of Career
Reginald I believe I have calmed down enough that I no longer require
the calm intellectual filter so just switch it off. You stupid clone butler
There's like a million other things changed but this sections long enough already, so let's take a look at
Where the fuck was Chronos they left out the setup for the main villain of the entire series?
Breaking my own rule here. I will say that. I know he appears in the sequel, but that doesn't fucking matter
He should be in this film
But no the villain of the whole movie was just a kid with daddy issues
And where the fuck was Ares the other main antagonist
They actually started the diner scene where he turns up, and I was all okay here We go wait
That's the end of the scene guys go back you forgot to meet ares
It's like they filmed in that location just to taunt us. Hey guys you remember this bit of the book well fuck you
We're not doing it the climactic battle at the end is meant to be between percy and Ares which percy wins against all the odds
Because he's getting a powerup from standing in the sea but no
It's just a fight between him and a kid with daddy issues
Luke only reveals his betrayal in the final chapter he fools everyone and gets away Scot-free
At the end to continuous quest to free Chronos his motivation is primarily that his mind has been invaded and corrupted by the King titan
chronos played on Luke's frustration that he's being held in Camp half-blood permanently for his own protection
But nope he's just a kid with daddy issues Chiron the centaur is a teacher at Camp Half-blood
But he's not in charge there the Camp is run by Dionysus
God of wine and partying who's currently working his way through a 100 year banishment for mount olympus for getting Jiggy with some nymphs that
Zeus had declared out of bounds
he's also being forced to spend this time in a state of strict sobriety so he's in a perpetual mood of grumpiness throughout even the
Characters that did make it into the film had their backstories
Confiscated and not returned they ignored an Annabeth's troubled past with her detached father and resentful Stepmother
Chiron's Millennia of teaching Heroes heroing and how he became immortal and grover's ultimate goal of tracking down pan the missing
God of Nature so he can undo
Mankind's pollution of the Earth they attempt to replace the latter with the possibility that grover will be awarded horns in a setup
Reminiscent of the Angel Wings and it's a wonderful life in the book satyrs just grow their own horns because you know
Their body part there are several other random monster attacks and traps on the way to the underworld in the book including a fight with
The chimera at the top of the Gateway arch and a deadly waterbed shop
Which sounds silly?
but was actually kind of
[fiying] they also left out an Annabeth's
Invisibility helm a gift from her mother which has taken the form of a yankees cap due to the effects of the mist the mist
Being the name for the ever-present magic that overwrites mortals memories of seeing supernatural things lastly
It's a bit of a disappointment that they didn't include the oracle a creepy fog like being that lives inside an attic inside a mummified
Body it occasionally animates and gives people confusing hints about their future the Dom's final thoughts
I know this is going to sound a little bit weird, beautiful watchers,
but the feeling I picked up on behind the hoards of unnecessary changes was arrogance. Like,
Titley thought he could do a better job of writing the story than the author, even though the book was a best-seller and his only past
accomplishment was completely balling up a live-action version of a cartoon show. That's why this film sucked.
And that's why it can kiss his reputation goodbye.
Reginald, I didn't ask you to switch the calm intellectual filter back on so please disengage it.
Reginald, while I respect your choice to ignore my request considering my current state of agitation,
there's a small chance this situation may lead to violence. Goodbye beautiful watchers. I will see you next time.
This is as far as I go.
I will go this far. And no further.