And as we drove on, we realised that one benefit of the Mercedes,
if you're a Mafia boss, is that you do blend in.
Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes.
Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes.
Look at them all.
Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes...
It turns out that a staggering 80% of all cars registered in Albania are old Mercs.
But that said, English cars are popular. too.
a point we discussed when we pulled over for afternoon tea.
Apparently, what happens is, Albanians go to England,
get a job, buy a car and then bring it back with them here.
And it is quite traditional when you bring a car back like that
that you drive it around with the door locks pulled out
and sometimes little marks along the back of the door, the trailing tiling edge.
They have a tradition here of filing off any numbers they find under the bonnet.
-No, that's to save weight. -Oh, is it?
Yes, that's why they do it.
All the VIN numbers, identifying plates, 'cause that makes the car lighter.
Weight-saving measures are important.
Some of them, though, are stolen.
-No! -Give up!
I'm afraid they are.
After tea, the sun came out, so we hit the coast road and went for a nice cruise.
Well, it was nice for me.
God! The power of this thing and the acceleration
it makes possible is mind-blowing.
It's weird, actually, because it's so quiet.
There's always noise when you go fast and yet, in this, there really isn't.
The beans, oh!
It doesn't encourage you to be sporty, or aggressive.
It's just so nice.
It's nice in the Rolls-Royce.
But then my nice time was ruined by news from the Bentley.
Oh, no, the Mulsanne is overheating.
We stopped to let the twin turbo V8 cool, but then... it decided to die.
No.
So, I tried a reverse bump start.
He's done that wrong.
The brakes!
No.
The door mirror's come off!
Actually, it's suddenly dawned upon me that he isn't very bright.
I think he could be a massive idiot.
The door mirror!
-How long will he go before...? -Well...
Oh, no.
Just get it away from the wall.
Steepest hill in Albania you've broken down on.
While we examined the engine, the orang-utan tried to mend the door.
Then an Albanian mechanic arrived and Jeremy filled him in.
So, running, then stop.
-That describes most breakdowns, really. -Running and then stops, you idiot!
Don't say to that man, "My car needs a jump."
Yes. Yes.
The Bentley is running well.
It had been a long and tiring day on the road, but for Hammond, that was okay.
This S Class has a new system on board.
It just monitors the driver to make sure he or she isn't getting sleepy,
or wandering out of the lane, or nodding off.
And it's monitoring 70 different parameters about me.
That must include whether or not I like different types of cheese,
or if I'm thinking about hats.
I was on life-support in an intensive care unit
and they weren't monitoring 70 things about me.
Soon, we arrived at a disused submarine base.
And Jeremy insisted we should stop.
I am a mountain goat.
-That was close. -Yes.
I love the idea of sneaky warfare.
If there were to be a war tomorrow
and I had to volunteer for some service, definitely subs.
Which is ironic, because can you imagine a place where you'd be less welcome?
I wonder if they're for sale.
What are you going to do with a submarine, Jeremy?
Well, drive about in it.
With the sun going down, I was dragged away from the sub pen,
so we could get back to our Mafia road test.
We've had a bit of a discussion
and we reckon that when someone from the Albanian Mafia is choosing a new car,
uppermost in his mind will be this: "Can I get a dead body in the boot?"
-Makes sense. -That's why the car has a boot.
Yeah, now, unfortunately, to find out which of the cars is best,
we have had to murder a passer-by.
Yeah and here he is.
As you can see, he's quite a big chap, so, he took a lot of murdering.
And now James is going to see if he can get him in the boot of the Rolls-Royce.
-Am I? -Well, you go first, yes.
Okay.
That's a good start.
-Look at that. -What?
-He was a member of a gym. -He was not!
Could we have murdered someone a bit smaller?
-Not really. -He was the only one we could catch.
-Anyone smaller would have been faster. -Come on, James.
-The police could be on their way. -But I can't lift him up.
Three, two, one and up.
-No, it's not working. -He's just...
Okay.
This was hopeless.
So, rather embarrassingly, we had to ask the man we'd murdered to give us a hand.
It's not so much the head. It's everything else that's got to follow.
Right, so, all we've got to do now is saw his leg... Wait a minute.
Just... just get that in there.
-Bend that back round there. -Yes!
-Yes! -Okay, excellent.
The great thing about the Rolls-Royce is, it has self-levelling rear suspension,
so, when the boot is shut you won't know from the way it's riding
that there is a body in there.
Except the boot won't go down.
Right, you get him out and put him in the back of the Benz.
-What? -Get him out?
Sadly, there's a fridge in the boot of the Merc,
which takes up a lot of room.
Is that it? Can you move that knee?
No chance!
That meant our dead body wouldn't fit.
Nobody wants to see that.
And even though he did fit in the Bentley, there was still a problem.
Mate, you can see him. Look.
-That is a drawback. -Clearly.
You might as well just put him in the passenger seat.