[Channel Teaser]
How the Party and DM Are Obsessed With “Megan, Our Girl”
I really should have known better. I posted an application to a new Pathfinder
game on Roll20. The DM got in touch and told me he liked to do a voice interview to narrow
down potential players. Sure, no problem. He mentions that most of the players are part
of a regular group he's taken through several Adventure Paths. That seems like a good sign
to me. If they stuck with him, he can't be too terrible, right?
Wrong.
"So there's Michael and Jamesh, and then Megan, our girl," the DM said.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Michael, Jamesh, and Megan, our girl," the DM repeated.
"Oh. Okay."
Why does he keep calling her that?
We wrap up the interview; he says I seem like a great fit for the game. Cool. He asks me
to send him my character art and concept. I do, and because I'm running a pretty specific
setup that can do some unusual things, I call his attention to it.
"Hey, I just want to point out that I'm making an Intimidate build using the interaction
between Thug and Enforcer to inflict fear effects with melee attacks. Just don't want
to ambush you with niche rules you might not be intimately familiar with in session 1."
"Yeah, I know the build. Just FYI it won't always work," the DM said.
"Well, yeah, there's a DC based on-"
"No, I mean, I don't want it to be too strong, so against some enemies it just won't work,"
he said dismissively.
I think about this for a while. I don't love this selective enforcement of the rules, especially
to nerf a build that isn't even particularly strong. Seems weird and arbitrary. But I want
to play, and I want to try this build, so I grit my teeth and make the character anyway.
Session one, I get to meet the group. The DM introduces us.
"Everybody, welcome Bob. Bob, this is Jamesh, Michael, and Megan, our girl."
Did he… did he just say that with her on the call?
Everybody says hello, the PCs meet, in a tavern, duh, and we all describe our characters. Megan's
character description takes at least five times longer than everybody else's, but that's
fine. She has a very detailed visual imagination. Surely that's an asset as a player, right?
She's playing a sexy tiefling rogue with sexy white hair and purple eyes who is sexy.
Oh no.
Our mission is to break into a guarded compound and get a plot thing. Straightforward enough.
Megan announces that she's going to scout ahead. She sneaks past some guards, picks
a lock, finds a chest with some masterwork thieves tools and a +1 shortsword. That's
some pretty useful gear for a rogue. Almost like it was put there for her to find…
Almost.
Did I mention the party is level 1?
She tries to sneak past the guards again. A patrol of two guards sees her. Instead of
attacking, they notice how S E X Y she is, and decide to hit on her instead. The DM roleplays
this. I will not attempt a transcription of the ensuing cringe.
So after lulling them into a sense of security, no rolls involved in this, she pulls a sword
and attacks them. He gives her a surprise round, no rolls involved in this either. She
sneak attacks one guard and kills him. One is still up, though, and this is a level 1
rogue. She could be in real trouble here, right? Are you on the edge of your seat?
The DM says that she wins on initiative without rolling because they're so surprised.
Isn't that what surprise rounds are for?
She sneak attacks the other guard. But whoops, rolls minimum damage, three. This is trouble,
right?
Surely these are level 1 warriors, with HP of 5, right?
Nah. He dies. Apparently, the guards are commoners.
She rejoins the party. An hour and a half has passed since we started playing. The group
all goes in together now, using the route she scouted. We run into a couple of servants,
and they see us.
Aha! This is Bob's chance to shine!
"You have two choices. Either keep your mouth shut and pretend you never saw us, or make
peace with your God. Can I roll intimidate?"
"You can't just roll intimidate and resolve the encounter, dude," the DM said.
Weird, I thought resolving encounters was exactly what character abilities are for.
"Uhm, okay. I'm just trying to 'influence opponent's attitude’ per the Intimidate
skill description-"
"You can't just Intimidate your way out of everything." The DM was growing impatient
with the fact that I interrupted whatever he had planned for the servants.
Then the S E X Y rogue gives the servants a gold piece each, and they leave without
raising the alarm. Brace yourself, there were no rolls involved in this. Of course… Before
they leave they can’t resist commenting something about how she clearly has assets
beyond gold.
So clever.
That's really about it. We killed a guy, took the designated plot item, then left. I never
played with that group again. But I still think about that game sometimes.
I still think about her.
That sexy rogue.
Megan. OUR GIRL
Roll for sexiness. Oh no… a crit fail. Just kidding, you’re beautiful! Please don’t
go! Have you ever had a DM cater to a single player in your game? Please tell us of your
experiences and comment your reactions below!
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