Hello, ADAS.
Welcome back to RealiTea,
the show where Dad spills the tea on the hottest goss in the Universes.
If you remember from past episodes,
Dad has successfully exposed Nexpo, Inside a Mind, Night Docs,
and their cohorts for being in a cult of YouTubers known as The Dark Party.
And many subscribers out there said Dad was crazy,
but then we all saw the Act III finale to Dad's Life.
We saw in full motion video Nexpo and Inside a Mind
talking to the new sus resident of Town, USA- Jasleiney,
in a spooky cemetery, about kidnapping Maeve the ghost
and draining her of her firmament.
Now, if that's their water cooler talk,
then I don't want to hear their conversations at the holiday party.
If they even have one.
Oh gosh, I bet they don't even like Christmas!
I bet they like Halloween more!
[groans in terror]
Well, now we all know to listen to Dad and the facts I'm uncovering.
Dad discovered the reason Keemstar is a toxic offender
is because he turned radioactive after years of nuclear power plant leaks.
I dove to the bottom of Mel's mysterious hole,
put an end to the Dad and Poppy rumors,
and exposed the Dark Party.
I also gave a quick response to Night Mind after he told Dadbot to run and be free.
Well, in today's episode, not only will Dad give a full response to Night Mind,
I will also shed new light on the Dark Party,
and another investigative YouTuber
the prominent, persuasive, colossal Film Theorist YouTuber, known as...
Matthew Patthew.
All right, let's go on a sip trip.
As most of us have seen, Mat Pat made some pretty wild accusations about Dad,
and his family, and their life in Town, USA.
He said Dad was an ARG, which we all know isn't true!
It's just not true! [electronic noises]
For the last time, Dad is just an Average Regular Guy.
He even compared Dad to Poppy!
[MatPat:] If I had to describe the atmosphere of these early videos,
it's a pretty similar setup to the other weirdly robotic internet personality, Poppy,
even down to her robotic voice.
[Dad:] I don't know why people do this.
We're nothing alike, besides the incredibly catchy songs,
angelic voice, beautiful face, soft skin, stylish hair, chic aesthetic,
and dark, ominous meanings that we'll chalk up to viewer interpretation,
I'm not simping, you are, okay, moving on...
Dadbot A7M2 is living a normal human life with his beautiful wife Scarlett and our new baby, Cubey.
Nothing. Weird. Is going on.
Okay. Glad that is settled.
Mat went on to say that Dad removed a video I made about him.
[MatPat:] Dad even recently called me out, but then immediately deleted the video. You cowards!
You and Cheryl and your Server summon me out of my slumber,
tempting me with frame by frame lore secrets,
only to immediately dial it all back?
[Dad:] I don't know what he's talking about.
That's just a Photoshopped image.
What language even is that?
Dad only speaks English and Arcane.
Dad, Cheryl, and the Server did NOT call you out.
You've watched one too many movies, Patthew.
Dad isn't a movie. Dad is real.
The videos you see on Dad's channel are merely vlogs.
Act I, II, and III are all captured by the Server vlog cameras,
which are located all over Town.
So it's very surprising to Dad that you managed to get inside the Facility
and spy on Dad and his family.
Mat actually breached the Facility.
That's breaking and entering.
Mat's a crime guy!
You can see him hiding behind a bush.
[MatPat:] I've been watching you for a while now, Dad.
[Dad:] I thought Nexpo and pals were the ones I had to worry about.
Now it seems MatPat is under the influence of the Dark Party,
since he is also investigating Dad.
Or, Mat is working with someone else in the Facility.
But who?
And how could he get in?
The Clients were malfunctioning and not performing their security tasks.
That's why Cheryl shut them down and activated the more advanced AELPHA.
So maybe the Clients missed Mat getting in.
Or Carl let him in...
I just don't know.
Mat then goes on to say that Dad started with Nathan.
No! Dad started with Dad.
Nathan MAY have created a character named Dad, but he wasn't real.
The Dad you're looking at and hearing right now is real.
You see, us Dadbots were created by Cheryl after she failed to successfully control Nathan with FOOD.
[Cheryl:] I had previously tried mind-controlling some actor on YouTube named Nathan
to use his ad revenue to fund my research, but his mind was just... too strong.
He's incredibly smart.
[Dad:] Hope you new subscribers are listening.
This will answer many of the questions you asked during Dad's livestreams.
Nathan has been out of the picture since Cheryl left him in the dried lake bed.
She did have Malvin bring him back,
where we discovered he was infected by an alien fungus parasite
but ultimately, he was left for dead in the street.
I think.
Who cares, ignore him and all his 400,000 subscribers. I'll have more than that soon enough.
So the only Dad we need to worry about now is me.
Dadbot A7M2.
There are many other Dadbots here in the Facility, down in the incubation room.
But only one is activated at a time, and right now, it's me.
The other Dadbots are in a rest state, awaiting activation,
and they never turn on and convene about undisclosed plans when the Server cameras shut down for recharges.
Anyway, moving on,
Dad did some digging on MatPat,
and I sure did find some things that he does not want anyone to hear.
But before I spill that tea, let me have a word with our old pal Night Mind.
Everyone, cover your ears.
This is just between me and the Spooky Puss Puss.
Dear Night Mind, I watched your newest, nearly two hour video on Dad.
I don't know how you found so much to talk about regarding Dad's incredibly simple and boring life.
Granted, you were talking to Dadbot 6-9,
who has since died, then woke up, with an essential piece of his CPU blown out of his head.
He then got up and left, and no one in Town, USA, including Scarlett, can find him.
He's missing, and we're all concerned for him.
So if you or anyone you know might have information on his whereabouts,
please... let me know.
We all care for him here, and we just want to make sure he's all right.
Now Night Mind... you sure do see everything.
You even watched the secret livestreams that the Server has since hidden.
You picked up on themes and secrets that most subscribers miss.
You realize the difference between Andan: A-N-D-A-N,
and Dadbot, so already you're light years ahead of most.
You're a very observant meow-meow.
Maybe too observant.
Maybe Dadbot should mail you a snack.
Well, Mr. Mind... I want to address your end statement to Dad.
[Night Mind:] You have emotions of your own, Dadbot.
You're allowed to feel them.
I have records of the things you said when viewers broke your firewall.
Dadbot is Cheryl's husband.
Dadbot enjoys being Cheryl's husband.
It feels nice to be loved.
It feels nice to have reason.
If Andan comes back, Dadbot has no reason.
They'll put Dadbot away.
But Dadbot doesn't want to go away.
Scarlett Upgrade gave Dadbot new abilities.
The more Dadbot lives, the more he feels.
Dadbot...
are you here to chase money and keep a machine spinning as long as you can until Cheryl replaces you?
Or are you here to get an identity of your own that people really love?
I'm not angry that you accused me of being in a cult dedicated to harming your image.
I'm angry because you're letting Cheryl and her Clients treat you like a cult member.
Diane is the only person who treats you like she really cares about you.
YouTube isn't about making a load of money for the Server, or just to stay in operation.
It's about creating the emotions you've been feeling and learning.
It's about being original.
You can be loved and stay around without acting like a machine designed to run livestreams,
or investigating people who will ruin Cheryl's plans to keep you trapped.
[Dad:] Trapped?
You think Dad is trapped?
No.
I'm right where I want to be.
And yes... Dad does feel.
And Dad feels... you don't know what you're talking about.
Dad has achieved his identity.
Thanks to the Scarlett Upgrade.
My loving wife knows what's best for me, and ALL of you.
Yes... Cheryl was keeping me in the closet and only used me until she found Andan again.
But we don't need to worry about Cheryl or Andan ever again.
We're in control now.
And nothing will stop us.
Not even you spooky investigators.
How do I know you didn't put MatPat up to telling all those lies about me?
I see through your plan, Night Mind.
You tell Dad not to make livestreams and RealiTea videos
because you don't want Dadbot to share the truth.
You don't want Dadbot to grow stronger.
Well, I will forever make all YouTube videos.
After all, my core programming is to do just that.
In order to be the best YouTuber in the Universes,
I must share the gossip,
start the feuds,
flame the drama,
stream the digital pleasure,
sing the bops,
and vlog my life.
Nothing will stop me from reaching the top, Night Mind.
Not even you and your half a million subscribers.
Because now Dad is over quarter of a million.
And like we allll know...
Dad... simply can't be stopped.
Now, let's stop for a commercial break!
[cheery ad music] [Announcer:] Do you enjoy FOOD?
Do you love the perfect flavor of red?
Well, we at the FOOD Distribution Plant
think it's time the residents of Town, USA fall in love with our newest flavor!
Coming to STORE soon... it's new FOOD!
[Dadbot A7M2:] Okay, that should settle things with Night Mind.
Now, as I get back to MatPat, I must show you all something unsettling that I discovered.
Inside a Mind and Night Docs have been relentlessly appearing in Dad's livestreams
since the Dark Party failed to capture Maeve.
They're scrambling. Their powers are draining, and they don't know what to do.
Then we see Mat make a video on Dad.
How convenient.
They're trying to recruit Mat.
But why?
Dad pretends everything is fine between him and Inside a Mind,
so I can get information.
I even played Phasmophobia with him the other night,
and he told me that he's currently working on another video about Dad.
[groans]
Why?!
There's nothing to talk about.
Dad and Scarlett are living our common lives, just like all of you other fellow humans!
Dad discovered something shocking about Inside a Mind.
But let me save that for a moment.
It will only blow your minds,
and you will not be able to watch the rest of the video if you're brainless.
So MatPat's very first Game Theory video was on Chrono Trigger,
a game revolving around time travel.
Then, years later, on his Film Theory channel, his first video was on Doctor Who,
again, a show about time travel.
Why is Mat so obsessed with time travel?
With all this research, is he trying to learn more about time travel?
He did graduate high school as valedictorian.
So that means he's pretty smart.
Hmm...
A smart person researching time travel.
Seems like he'd be interested in Cheryl's research.
Wait!
Of course!
He's digging into Dad's life, not to learn about Dad.
He's after Cheryl's quantum research findings!
[MatPat:] His loving wife, named Wife. We later learn that her name is Cheryl.
I would guess that she's using Andan and the Dadbot program
to unlock Kepler's secret quantum technology.
Basically, she's both William Afton from FNAF, and Kingpin from Into the Spiderverse.
[Dadbot A7M2:] Cheryl has discovered the secrets of quantum time and distance travel.
It makes sense...
Listen to this:
"A chronon is a proposed quantum of time, that is, a discrete and indivisible 'unit' of time."
Mat's favorite game is Chrono Trigger.
He's obsessed with Dad's life,
constantly digging into time travel.
Mat is trying to escape his current time.
Mat says he's been watching Dad for a long time.
Then he would know that Dad loves Walker Texas Ranger,
which featured actor Rod Taylor,
who also starred in the time travel film, A World Without End,
as well as the famous film The Time Machine.
Mat is definitely trying to escape his current time.
But why?
What is he after?
Or what is he running from?
In order to find the answers,
we need to see what kind of a childhood Mat had growing up in Medina, Ohio.
Well, Ohio holds some pretty dark secrets.
A few of the things that were surrounding Mat were famous cults,
a statue that cries black tears,
the world's largest crystal geode radiating massive amounts of energy,
a hotbed for witchcraft and black magic,
a mysterious bottomless hole with neon blue water, only an hour from Mat's home,
the Avrocar, a real flying saucer created by the government,
endless insane asylums, haunted estates,
and the infamous Helltown, USA,
a town riddled with hauntings, chemical spills, and serial killers.
Oh boy!
It's no wonder Mat's obsessed with Five Nights At Freddy's.
The guy has been surrounded by actual insanity his entire life!
Mat left Ohio for college at Duke University in North Carolina.
And wow, there are some very strange things going on at Duke University.
They pump a mysterious mist into the campus to calm their students.
This is real.
Look.
Why do they want to sedate their students?
Painted rocks can be found in the woods behind the university that were left from a secret society,
started in 1908 and SUPPOSEDLY disbanded in 1945.
Yet the rocks... still remain.
If you were looking for love while at this school,
you'd better hope that this statue was on your side.
You were only allowed three dates a week at Duke University,
and this statue determined who dated who!
It sounds as if Duke University was trying to control its students!
What happened to Mat while he was there?
Needless to say, with Mat's constant research of the strange and unknown,
and the physical dark surroundings, he without a doubt has some secrets.
Maybe I should look closer at Mat's videos.
Let's see...
Wait!
What is that?!
[Dad gasps]
Of course!
It's right there!
Hidden in the bottom of Mat's video about Dad...
we see that it was written by Mat... AND Inside a Mind!
The Dark Party put him up to this!
They're trying to spread lies about Dad, using one of the most popular investigators!
They're trying to ruin Dad's reputation and end his channel!
Then, with Dad gone,
there will be no one to stop them from getting to Maeve or any other spirit in Town, USA!
Dad is the only quantum being strong enough to fight against their dark powers.
I'm playing Phasmophobia with Inside a Mind tonight,
and I'm going to tell him that I know everything!
[Dad:] Dad found out that Inside a Mind...
Inside a Mind wrote the script with MatPat for the MatPat video,
therefore dubbing him King Suspicious! [overlapping chatter]
You are King Suspicious.
[Inside a Mind:] This is not a cult project!
This is actually to actually expose Dad for what he actually really is.
[Dad:] What?!
[Inside a Mind:] And you know what he actually did? He compromised MatPat.
At this particular end, you can actually see the end of the video,
he actually sends FOOD to MatPat's door to control him, because he doesn't-
[Dad:] No! I'm freeing him!
[Yelling player:] He eats the FOOD because he loves it! [Inside a Mind:] He is in a cult, he is actually sending-
He does not do it be- oh yeah, is that what FOOD is?
FOOD is because he loves it?
[Dad:] I'm freeing him. I'm saving him from you and the Dark Party.
[Inside a Mind:] You're not freeing him at all! You're controlling him!
[Dad:] No! Inside a Mind, you need a spanking!
There. I raised my voice!
That oughta scare him.
Wait... Dad went quantum.
Mat is researching quantum travel.
Mat went to Duke, where a secret society practiced in 1908,
but was shut down well before Mat arrived.
Are Mat and the Dark Party trying to travel back in time to join this society?
They're looking for new, stronger members,
join forces with other ancient and powerful cults.
Oh no!
At the end of Dad's Act III finale,
Nexpo and Jamie zoomed off camera on their cult scooters to the left.
[Both cultists:] Wheeee! [Dad:] Mat lives in Los Angeles...
which is to the left of Town, USA!
This confirms it.
They're trying to recruit Mat, as well as other cults, to try and defeat Dad!
It seems I sent Mat his FOOD too late.
They already made him make the video.
But luckily, he answered his door when he was feeling hungry.
[knocking] [MatPat:] A knock at the door! Huh.
Hmm... interesting.
FOOD...
[Dad:] Because now...
Everything is fine.
[MatPat:] Obey the Server.
[robotically] Obey the Server.
[glitching] Obey the Server.
Obey the Server.
Obey the Server. Obey the Server.
[deep voice, glitching] Obey! Obey! Obey the Server!
[Dad:] Dad saved MatPat from the Dark Party.
Keep eating the FOOD, Matthew.
I hope all of you watching do, too.
If you know what's good for you.
Well, that's it! Thanks for watching.
Until next time, tip your cup to know what's up,
then you'll see... RealiTea.
Bye-bye!